Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
September 29, 2003 Number 24
Preparing for the High Holy Days V: Fasting and Yom Kippur
If every Jewish Holiday has its ritual, than the ritual most associated with the High Holy Days is prayer. From the very beginning of the season, until the final shofar sounds of Yom Kippur, This is a period not just of introspection, but a time of prayer. Much of the prayer is misunderstood and the meaning is often lost on those who come to Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur unprepared. Just as one must prepare in advance for a visit to the opera or a classical concert, we also must prepare our hearts for this most sacred season.
First, we have to understand that the prayers that are contained in our Machzor, the special book we use on these days of Awe, are not, strictly speaking addressed to G-d. While the form that we use is that of pleading with G-d to give us another year of life, health and prosperity, we must understand that G-d already knows what is in our hearts and what our intentions are for the new year. Even before we ask, G-d is well aware of what we have made of our lives, the good, the bad and the ugly. What G-d is waiting for us for us to understand what we have done with our lives. So while we are speaking to G-d, what we really must be doing is listening to what we are saying.
When we read in the Machzor that G-d judges us on these holy days, we have to think about how we look before the ultimate judge. When it says that "Tzedaka, Prayer and Righteous Deeds avert the severity of the decree" we have to think what acts of Tzedaka, Prayer and Righteous Deeds have we done to deserve to have the decree changed. When we call G-d, our Avinu Malkaynu, our Father our King, we have to think about if we have acted as if we are the sons and daughters of the Ruler of the Universe. While not every person is guilty of every sin listed in the confessional, We need to take heed of the ones we ARE guilty of, and resolve to do better in the new year.
Many people come to services on Rosh Hashana and only concern themselves with how much time they will need to spend in the service. How long do they have to sit in their seats until everyone notices that they are there and they feel like they have prayed long enough. Yet, in their hands, in the Machzor, is the key to living a meaningful and holy life. No matter if we are rich or poor, strong or weak, we can live our life better in relationship to G-d and through G-d to all humanity. The Machzor helps us find our way to what is really important in life, to the people who care, and how to be a caring person to others. As one Rabbi once put it, it is not how long it takes one to get through the Machzor, it is about how long it takes the Machzor to get through to us!
Each service has its theme in bringing us closer to G-d. For those who daven every day or at least every week, there are many nuances of the service that can only be discovered after a year of daily prayer or a year of Shabbat prayer. Even the musical changes, the special melodies for Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur and Kol Nidre, are designed to evoke feelings in our hearts and inspire us to realign our lives according to the Jewish values that have guided our people for their entire 5000 year long history. Every prayer and every Poem, the readings from the Torah and the Haftara, the special changes that are designated for this time of year, all of them are calling us to make the changes now that will bring us true happiness and real prosperity in the new year. The Shofar itself is compared to an alarm clock, sounding its call of return and urgency as time is slipping away.
The services for the High Holy Days is not a performance, it is a call to commitment. While the Rabbi and Cantor are leading from the bima, the real action must be taking place in our hearts. We can change, we can be better. We are not locked into some kind of a life as if it was imprinted in our DNA. All it takes is for us to be moved by what we see, hear and experience in Synagogue, and then act upon our decisions to live a more holy life in the year that is beginning.
Monday, September 29, 2003
Thursday, September 25, 2003
HMS-23: Preparing for the High Holy Days IV: Apples, Honey and Bread Crumbs
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
September 25, 2003 - Number 23
Preparing for the High Holy Days IV: Apples, Honey and Bread Crumbs
To celebrate Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur one must be aware of the important rituals of the day. It is traditional to eat Apples dipped in honey to symbolize a sweet new year. Some people eat honey cake and other sweet foods for the holiday. It is traditional to wear new clothing on the new year to give us an extra reason to recited the Shehechiyanu over our new clothing. One usually wears white on the Yamim Noraim (even if it is after Labor Day) since the High Priest on Yom Kippur put aside his golden garments and wore a simple white Kittel. There is a special musical mode for the High Holy Days. The music itself can put our mind into the proper frame for introspection and reflection. The Shofar sounds are to remind us of an alarm clock that is waking us up from the daze we are in every day to the passage of time and the need to make every moment count in the new year. Many special poems (called Piyyutim) are assigned for the holidays. They are chosen because they evoke in us our special relationship with G-d. In each one the poet tries to move us to examine our lives and see what we do in a new way. Perhaps with each point of view we can come to understand how important it is to begin the year with a strong resolve to make our lives better and more significant. Perhaps the only real way to fully understand how the service on the High Holy Days is supposed to make us feel, we need to have a better understanding of what a "regular" daily service is all about. When we pray daily, we can appreciate the extra poems and prayers that set the tone for the day.The Hineni prayer is the special moment when the Hazan begins the core of the service. He will be speaking on our behalf and acting as our representative. It is an awesome (and Awe some) experience that he does not take lightly. After all, our prayers cling to his on their way to G-d. The Hineni helps him get in the correct mode for such an important task. The Hazan will stand during the entire Musaf service without moving his feet apart. You may notice him hopping around the bima so that he does not separate them. The U'netane Tokef is the core reason why we are in synagogue. We come because we know that G-d is judging us and that we don't know, in they year ahead, what will happen to us. Who will live and who will die? Who will be rich and who will be poor? Who will be sick and who will be healthy? We can never know for sure what the answer is but the prayer reminds us that we can make a difference in life through acts of repentance, Prayer and the giving of Tzedaka.Avinu Malkenu is about asking G-d to forgive our sins. We approach G-d as a divine ruler, a king, and as our Father. Still we must remember if our Father is the King, than we too are children of royalty. We have the extra responsibility to reach for a higher standard.On the first day of Rosh Hashana, or the second day if the first is Shabbat, we go to a flowing body of water, and, as part of a special service called, Tashlich, we throw bread crumbs into the water to symbolically cast our sins away. It is a concrete way to let go of all that drags us down and keeps us from our potential.On Yom Kippur, during the long and short confessional, we tap our chest with our fist, it is a moment where we strike ourselves for each of the sins listed. To remember that we are sinners, we have not lived up to our expectations in the past year, and we did not live up to G-d's expectations. We strike ourselves to try and remember to do better in the new year.
Next week: Preparing for the High Holy Days V: Fasting and Yom Kippur
September 25, 2003 - Number 23
Preparing for the High Holy Days IV: Apples, Honey and Bread Crumbs
To celebrate Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur one must be aware of the important rituals of the day. It is traditional to eat Apples dipped in honey to symbolize a sweet new year. Some people eat honey cake and other sweet foods for the holiday. It is traditional to wear new clothing on the new year to give us an extra reason to recited the Shehechiyanu over our new clothing. One usually wears white on the Yamim Noraim (even if it is after Labor Day) since the High Priest on Yom Kippur put aside his golden garments and wore a simple white Kittel. There is a special musical mode for the High Holy Days. The music itself can put our mind into the proper frame for introspection and reflection. The Shofar sounds are to remind us of an alarm clock that is waking us up from the daze we are in every day to the passage of time and the need to make every moment count in the new year. Many special poems (called Piyyutim) are assigned for the holidays. They are chosen because they evoke in us our special relationship with G-d. In each one the poet tries to move us to examine our lives and see what we do in a new way. Perhaps with each point of view we can come to understand how important it is to begin the year with a strong resolve to make our lives better and more significant. Perhaps the only real way to fully understand how the service on the High Holy Days is supposed to make us feel, we need to have a better understanding of what a "regular" daily service is all about. When we pray daily, we can appreciate the extra poems and prayers that set the tone for the day.The Hineni prayer is the special moment when the Hazan begins the core of the service. He will be speaking on our behalf and acting as our representative. It is an awesome (and Awe some) experience that he does not take lightly. After all, our prayers cling to his on their way to G-d. The Hineni helps him get in the correct mode for such an important task. The Hazan will stand during the entire Musaf service without moving his feet apart. You may notice him hopping around the bima so that he does not separate them. The U'netane Tokef is the core reason why we are in synagogue. We come because we know that G-d is judging us and that we don't know, in they year ahead, what will happen to us. Who will live and who will die? Who will be rich and who will be poor? Who will be sick and who will be healthy? We can never know for sure what the answer is but the prayer reminds us that we can make a difference in life through acts of repentance, Prayer and the giving of Tzedaka.Avinu Malkenu is about asking G-d to forgive our sins. We approach G-d as a divine ruler, a king, and as our Father. Still we must remember if our Father is the King, than we too are children of royalty. We have the extra responsibility to reach for a higher standard.On the first day of Rosh Hashana, or the second day if the first is Shabbat, we go to a flowing body of water, and, as part of a special service called, Tashlich, we throw bread crumbs into the water to symbolically cast our sins away. It is a concrete way to let go of all that drags us down and keeps us from our potential.On Yom Kippur, during the long and short confessional, we tap our chest with our fist, it is a moment where we strike ourselves for each of the sins listed. To remember that we are sinners, we have not lived up to our expectations in the past year, and we did not live up to G-d's expectations. We strike ourselves to try and remember to do better in the new year.
Next week: Preparing for the High Holy Days V: Fasting and Yom Kippur
Monday, September 15, 2003
HMS-22: Preparing for the High Holy Days III: The Power of Prayer
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
September 15, 2003 - Number 22
Preparing for the High Holy Days III: The Power of Prayer
If every Jewish Holiday has its ritual, than the ritual most associated with the High Holy Days is prayer. From the very beginning of the season, until the final shofar sounds of Yom Kippur, This is a period not just of introspection, but a time of prayer. Much of the prayer is misunderstood and the meaning is often lost on those who come to Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur unprepared. Just as one must prepare in advance for a visit to the opera or a classical concert, we also must prepare our hearts for this most sacred season.
First, we have to understand that the prayers that are contained in our Machzor, the special book we use on these days of Awe, are not, strictly speaking addressed to G-d. While the form that we use is that of pleading with G-d to give us another year of life, health and prosperity, we must understand that G-d already knows what is in our hearts and what our intentions are for the new year. Even before we ask, G-d is well aware of what we have made of our lives, the good, the bad and the ugly. What G-d is waiting for us for us to understand what we have done with our lives. So while we are speaking to G-d, what we really must be doing is listening to what we are saying.
When we read in the Machzor that G-d judges us on these holy days, we have to think about how we look before the ultimate judge. When it says that "Tzedaka, Prayer and Righteous Deeds avert the severity of the decree" we have to think what acts of Tzedaka, Prayer and Righteous Deeds have we done to deserve to have the decree changed. When we call G-d, our Avinu Malkaynu, our Father our King, we have to think about if we have acted as if we are the sons and daughters of the Ruler of the Universe. While not every person is guilty of every sin listed in the confessional, We need to take heed of the ones we ARE guilty of, and resolve to do better in the new year.
Many people come to services on Rosh Hashana and only concern themselves with how much time they will need to spend in the service. How long do they have to sit in their seats until everyone notices that they are there and they feel like they have prayed long enough. Yet, in their hands, in the Machzor, is the key to living a meaningful and holy life. No matter if we are rich or poor, strong or weak, we can live our life better in relationship to G-d and through G-d to all humanity. The Machzor helps us find our way to what is really important in life, to the people who care, and how to be a caring person to others. As one Rabbi once put it, it is not how long it takes one to get through the Machzor, it is about how long it takes the Machzor to get through to us!
Each service has its theme in bringing us closer to G-d. For those who daven every day or at least every week, there are many nuances of the service that can only be discovered after a year of daily prayer or a year of Shabbat prayer. Even the musical changes, the special melodies for Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur and Kol Nidre, are designed to evoke feelings in our hearts and inspire us to realign our lives according to the Jewish values that have guided our people for their entire 5000 year long history. Every prayer and every Poem, the readings from the Torah and the Haftara, the special changes that are designated for this time of year, all of them are calling us to make the changes now that will bring us true happiness and real prosperity in the new year. The Shofar itself is compared to an alarm clock, sounding its call of return and urgency as time is slipping away.
The services for the High Holy Days is not a performance, it is a call to commitment. While the Rabbi and Cantor are leading from the bima, the real action must be taking place in our hearts. We can change, we can be better. We are not locked into some kind of a life as if it was imprinted in our DNA. All it takes is for us to be moved by what we see, hear and experience in Synagogue, and then act upon our decisions to live a more holy life in the year that is beginning.
Next week: Preparing for the High Holy Days IV: Apples, Honey and Bread Crumbs
September 15, 2003 - Number 22
Preparing for the High Holy Days III: The Power of Prayer
If every Jewish Holiday has its ritual, than the ritual most associated with the High Holy Days is prayer. From the very beginning of the season, until the final shofar sounds of Yom Kippur, This is a period not just of introspection, but a time of prayer. Much of the prayer is misunderstood and the meaning is often lost on those who come to Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur unprepared. Just as one must prepare in advance for a visit to the opera or a classical concert, we also must prepare our hearts for this most sacred season.
First, we have to understand that the prayers that are contained in our Machzor, the special book we use on these days of Awe, are not, strictly speaking addressed to G-d. While the form that we use is that of pleading with G-d to give us another year of life, health and prosperity, we must understand that G-d already knows what is in our hearts and what our intentions are for the new year. Even before we ask, G-d is well aware of what we have made of our lives, the good, the bad and the ugly. What G-d is waiting for us for us to understand what we have done with our lives. So while we are speaking to G-d, what we really must be doing is listening to what we are saying.
When we read in the Machzor that G-d judges us on these holy days, we have to think about how we look before the ultimate judge. When it says that "Tzedaka, Prayer and Righteous Deeds avert the severity of the decree" we have to think what acts of Tzedaka, Prayer and Righteous Deeds have we done to deserve to have the decree changed. When we call G-d, our Avinu Malkaynu, our Father our King, we have to think about if we have acted as if we are the sons and daughters of the Ruler of the Universe. While not every person is guilty of every sin listed in the confessional, We need to take heed of the ones we ARE guilty of, and resolve to do better in the new year.
Many people come to services on Rosh Hashana and only concern themselves with how much time they will need to spend in the service. How long do they have to sit in their seats until everyone notices that they are there and they feel like they have prayed long enough. Yet, in their hands, in the Machzor, is the key to living a meaningful and holy life. No matter if we are rich or poor, strong or weak, we can live our life better in relationship to G-d and through G-d to all humanity. The Machzor helps us find our way to what is really important in life, to the people who care, and how to be a caring person to others. As one Rabbi once put it, it is not how long it takes one to get through the Machzor, it is about how long it takes the Machzor to get through to us!
Each service has its theme in bringing us closer to G-d. For those who daven every day or at least every week, there are many nuances of the service that can only be discovered after a year of daily prayer or a year of Shabbat prayer. Even the musical changes, the special melodies for Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur and Kol Nidre, are designed to evoke feelings in our hearts and inspire us to realign our lives according to the Jewish values that have guided our people for their entire 5000 year long history. Every prayer and every Poem, the readings from the Torah and the Haftara, the special changes that are designated for this time of year, all of them are calling us to make the changes now that will bring us true happiness and real prosperity in the new year. The Shofar itself is compared to an alarm clock, sounding its call of return and urgency as time is slipping away.
The services for the High Holy Days is not a performance, it is a call to commitment. While the Rabbi and Cantor are leading from the bima, the real action must be taking place in our hearts. We can change, we can be better. We are not locked into some kind of a life as if it was imprinted in our DNA. All it takes is for us to be moved by what we see, hear and experience in Synagogue, and then act upon our decisions to live a more holy life in the year that is beginning.
Next week: Preparing for the High Holy Days IV: Apples, Honey and Bread Crumbs
Tuesday, September 9, 2003
HMS-21: Preparing for The High Holy Days II: Forgive and Forget
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
September 9, 2003 - Number 21
Preparing for the High Holy Days II: Forgive and Forget
Forgiveness is one of the key features of the High Holy Day season. Forgiveness works two ways. Our first obligation during the month of Elul, the last month of the Jewish year, is to seek out those who are angry at us, and seek forgiveness for what we have done. This is easy to say but far more difficult to do.
In may entire career as a Rabbi, I find nothing more sad than to see families and friends shattered by a feud. On the one hand, it is a natural and normal fact of life that people argue about what they see and what they believe. Sometimes these arguments are heated and strong. There is no sin in arguing with someone else. As long as there is a conclusion drawn from the argument and there is some reconciliation between the two angry people. Anger should not last 24 or at most, 48 hours. For anger to go on longer is to transform the anger into a grudge. Grudges are wrong. They are useless continuations of anger that go beyond the actual point of the disagreement and carries forward only the hurt feelings. Our first obligation in any disagreement is to finish the fight, reconcile with the one who disagrees and move on with our lives. If not, that the hurt can carry forward far into the future and can destroy many wonderful relationships.
At this time of year, we need to move to end these long term feuds. We must once again approach the person who has offended us and seek a reconciliation. We may not be able to find agreement, but at least we can move to set aside the differences so that a personal relationship can go on. When families reconcile after a long feud, there is always such regret that they did not reconcile sooner, that so much time has been wasted. Don’t let fights go on indefinitely. This is our opportunity to put the anger to rest and find forgiveness. We must not let our lives be filled with a bitterness that will sour our soul. Find all those with whom you are feuding and seek their forgiveness.
This also applies to those whom we have wronged outright. Those whom we can not face again because of what we have done. Here too it is important to apologize and ask for forgiveness. To admit the error and to see to rectify the damage we have done. After all, how can we ask G-d to forgive our sins if we are not prepared to ask those we have wronged to forgive us as well?
On the other hand, we must also be forgiving. There is not point in making someone else squirm when they are in need of forgiveness. We need to release the past from our minds and let our relationships move on. If we want to be forgiven, we need to be forgiving. Sometimes we can have a profound affect on those we love simply by forgiving them for the minor slights and mistakes that are so much a part of being human. If we let the anger go, it can no longer warp our soul. Once we are free of the hurt and anger of the past, we are ready to enter the new year with hope and faith in the forgiving power of G-d.
Next week: Preparing for the High Holy Days III: The Power of Prayer
September 9, 2003 - Number 21
Preparing for the High Holy Days II: Forgive and Forget
Forgiveness is one of the key features of the High Holy Day season. Forgiveness works two ways. Our first obligation during the month of Elul, the last month of the Jewish year, is to seek out those who are angry at us, and seek forgiveness for what we have done. This is easy to say but far more difficult to do.
In may entire career as a Rabbi, I find nothing more sad than to see families and friends shattered by a feud. On the one hand, it is a natural and normal fact of life that people argue about what they see and what they believe. Sometimes these arguments are heated and strong. There is no sin in arguing with someone else. As long as there is a conclusion drawn from the argument and there is some reconciliation between the two angry people. Anger should not last 24 or at most, 48 hours. For anger to go on longer is to transform the anger into a grudge. Grudges are wrong. They are useless continuations of anger that go beyond the actual point of the disagreement and carries forward only the hurt feelings. Our first obligation in any disagreement is to finish the fight, reconcile with the one who disagrees and move on with our lives. If not, that the hurt can carry forward far into the future and can destroy many wonderful relationships.
At this time of year, we need to move to end these long term feuds. We must once again approach the person who has offended us and seek a reconciliation. We may not be able to find agreement, but at least we can move to set aside the differences so that a personal relationship can go on. When families reconcile after a long feud, there is always such regret that they did not reconcile sooner, that so much time has been wasted. Don’t let fights go on indefinitely. This is our opportunity to put the anger to rest and find forgiveness. We must not let our lives be filled with a bitterness that will sour our soul. Find all those with whom you are feuding and seek their forgiveness.
This also applies to those whom we have wronged outright. Those whom we can not face again because of what we have done. Here too it is important to apologize and ask for forgiveness. To admit the error and to see to rectify the damage we have done. After all, how can we ask G-d to forgive our sins if we are not prepared to ask those we have wronged to forgive us as well?
On the other hand, we must also be forgiving. There is not point in making someone else squirm when they are in need of forgiveness. We need to release the past from our minds and let our relationships move on. If we want to be forgiven, we need to be forgiving. Sometimes we can have a profound affect on those we love simply by forgiving them for the minor slights and mistakes that are so much a part of being human. If we let the anger go, it can no longer warp our soul. Once we are free of the hurt and anger of the past, we are ready to enter the new year with hope and faith in the forgiving power of G-d.
Next week: Preparing for the High Holy Days III: The Power of Prayer
Monday, September 1, 2003
HMS-20: Preparing for the High Holy Days I: Teshuva
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
September 1, 2003 - Number 20
Preparing for the High Holy Days I: Teshuva
When the Hebrew month of Elul begins, the last month before Rosh Hashana, the Shofar is sounded every morning at the end of the Shacharit service. Moses Maimonides, compares this sounding of the Shofar as an alarm clock, waking us up from our slumber to remind us that time is passing us by and the time we have left in this world is ticking away. Time is the most perishable object in the world. As one year winds to a close and another is about to begin, we need to take a look at our lives. Who are we? Where are we going? Who and what is important to us? How did we get so far off the path we have chosen and how can we return to where we belong? These are the questions that rise to the surface as the Shofar is blown in Elul.
The secular world my celebrate the New Year with noise and celebration, but Jews mark the change of the year with reflection and repentance. This is a multi-part task that will not only occupy our lives for the month of Elul but for most of the next month, Tishrei, as well.
The first thing we need to do is to perform what is known as Heshbone HaNefesh, the accounting of our souls. We need to look back at our lives before we can look ahead. We need to know exactly where we are standing so we can know where we have to go. What good is the map of the mall that tells us where every store can be found if there is no spot on the map that says "You are Here"? Where are we in our lives. When we started out in life we had hopes and dreams of what we wanted to accomplish in life. We had a vision of what a successful life would be like. Now as we end another year, we need to take account of how we are doing. Are we still on track or have we strayed from our course?
Straying is so very easy to do. We are easily distracted by the glitter and glamour that distracts us in life. We have a sense of what G-d has called us to do, but we are distracted from the task by the many false treasures that beckon to us. We decide that we are content with less rather than reach for the full reward. And now, the short term gratification has taken us far from where we ought to be. The month of Elul is the time to swing back on the proper path.
Those who depend on a 12 step program to overcome their addiction easily recognize this accounting of the soul. The first step they must pass is to take a full and fearless accounting of their actions as a prelude to taking responsibility for their situation. This is good advice for all of us. We need to take responsibility for our actions that have brought us to where we are in life. And if thing need to be changed, than we will be the ones who will have to make the changes. This week let us all take a full and fearless assessment of our lives, a true Heshbone Hanefesh, with the plan to fix whatever went wrong and to make the decisions that will put our lives back on track.
Next week: Preparing for the High Holy Days II: Forgive and Forget
Discussion:
B. Horowiz asks:
My stepfather's brother passed away this week. The two rabbis who were conducting the memorial services told my stepfather that he only needs to say kaddish for 30 days, since the deceased was his sibling. The deceased's wife received similar instructions; however, the children of the deceased were told that they should say kaddish for 11 months.
Rabbi replies:
Jewish Law reflects a difference between the love of a child for a parent and the love that we have for others in our lives. Basically we choose those who will receive our love except in the case of parents. We don’t get to pick our parents, we love them because they gave us life and nurtured us with unconditional love. The rules of mourners are extended for parents and not for others. It is the sign of the difference between our relationship with our parents and our other relationships. Please remember, however, that while Judaism does not recommend excessive mourning, one is still able to mourn longer in cases where the love and commitment are deeper. Just because we are not required to mourn the year, does not mean that we are forbidden to do so if we choose.
September 1, 2003 - Number 20
Preparing for the High Holy Days I: Teshuva
When the Hebrew month of Elul begins, the last month before Rosh Hashana, the Shofar is sounded every morning at the end of the Shacharit service. Moses Maimonides, compares this sounding of the Shofar as an alarm clock, waking us up from our slumber to remind us that time is passing us by and the time we have left in this world is ticking away. Time is the most perishable object in the world. As one year winds to a close and another is about to begin, we need to take a look at our lives. Who are we? Where are we going? Who and what is important to us? How did we get so far off the path we have chosen and how can we return to where we belong? These are the questions that rise to the surface as the Shofar is blown in Elul.
The secular world my celebrate the New Year with noise and celebration, but Jews mark the change of the year with reflection and repentance. This is a multi-part task that will not only occupy our lives for the month of Elul but for most of the next month, Tishrei, as well.
The first thing we need to do is to perform what is known as Heshbone HaNefesh, the accounting of our souls. We need to look back at our lives before we can look ahead. We need to know exactly where we are standing so we can know where we have to go. What good is the map of the mall that tells us where every store can be found if there is no spot on the map that says "You are Here"? Where are we in our lives. When we started out in life we had hopes and dreams of what we wanted to accomplish in life. We had a vision of what a successful life would be like. Now as we end another year, we need to take account of how we are doing. Are we still on track or have we strayed from our course?
Straying is so very easy to do. We are easily distracted by the glitter and glamour that distracts us in life. We have a sense of what G-d has called us to do, but we are distracted from the task by the many false treasures that beckon to us. We decide that we are content with less rather than reach for the full reward. And now, the short term gratification has taken us far from where we ought to be. The month of Elul is the time to swing back on the proper path.
Those who depend on a 12 step program to overcome their addiction easily recognize this accounting of the soul. The first step they must pass is to take a full and fearless accounting of their actions as a prelude to taking responsibility for their situation. This is good advice for all of us. We need to take responsibility for our actions that have brought us to where we are in life. And if thing need to be changed, than we will be the ones who will have to make the changes. This week let us all take a full and fearless assessment of our lives, a true Heshbone Hanefesh, with the plan to fix whatever went wrong and to make the decisions that will put our lives back on track.
Next week: Preparing for the High Holy Days II: Forgive and Forget
Discussion:
B. Horowiz asks:
My stepfather's brother passed away this week. The two rabbis who were conducting the memorial services told my stepfather that he only needs to say kaddish for 30 days, since the deceased was his sibling. The deceased's wife received similar instructions; however, the children of the deceased were told that they should say kaddish for 11 months.
Rabbi replies:
Jewish Law reflects a difference between the love of a child for a parent and the love that we have for others in our lives. Basically we choose those who will receive our love except in the case of parents. We don’t get to pick our parents, we love them because they gave us life and nurtured us with unconditional love. The rules of mourners are extended for parents and not for others. It is the sign of the difference between our relationship with our parents and our other relationships. Please remember, however, that while Judaism does not recommend excessive mourning, one is still able to mourn longer in cases where the love and commitment are deeper. Just because we are not required to mourn the year, does not mean that we are forbidden to do so if we choose.
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