Torat Emet
19-5770 Mitzvah N-81
March 28, 2010
Negative Mitzvah 81 – This is a negative commandment: do not harbor hatred in your heart toward your fellow-man.
Hafetz Hayim – As Scripture says: “nor shall you bear any grudge” (Lev. 19:18). Bearing a grudge means that one harbors hate in his heart: for instance [in the example from last week’5s lesson] if he tells him (the man who once refused to lend an ax but now is asking to borrow something from the man whom he refused) “Here, I am lending it to you; I am not paying you back as you acted toward me, refusing to lend me something.” This is bearing a grudge where he nurses hate in his heart. Instead, he has to lend it to him wholeheartedly; there should be no ill will whatever in his heart, but he should rather erase the matter from his heart, and not retain it or remember it at all. These two qualities [revenge and hatred] are extremely bad. For all the matters and concerns of this world are vapid nonsense and triviality, and it is not worth taking revenge or bearing a grudge about them.
This applies everywhere and always, for both men and women.
This week’s lesson and last week’s lesson (18-5770) are almost always taught together; partially because the example used to teach the lesson is the same, One day a man refuses to permit a neighbor to borrow his ax, the next day that same man goes to his neighbor and asks to borrow some other item. If we harbor revenge, we might say, “You wouldn’t lend to me, why should I lend to you?” If we harbor a grudge, we might say, “You wouldn’t lend to me but I am better than you, I will lend something to you even though you would not lend something to me.”
When I was a child, my parents told me that two wrongs don’t make it right. When we act with hatred or grudges, we prolong the healing between two human beings. When we realize, as the Hafetz Hayim suggests, that the world is filled with nonsense and triviality, we understand that such pettiness between neighbors undermines the great possibilities of human interaction. We could be creating harmony, justice and peace; instead we are allowing petty slights to isolate us from our neighbors.
I do understand that when a human being gets angry at another, the issue quickly seems to grow beyond the trivial. There is our pride that has been damaged, our feelings have been hurt, and our dreams may have been shattered. How could we ever imagine we will talk to that person again? How could we ever consider that person a friend? It is so very easy to harbor hatred in our hearts and seek revenge for the damage or hold the grudge inside as it corrodes all of our good will. The problem here is that, more often than not, the person who has offended us has no idea that we were offended. That person is going on his or her merry way and has no idea of the pain and anger in our heart. The hurt feelings and the corrosive effects of the hatred affect our heart and soul, and has no effect on the object of our hatred at all.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
18-5770 Mitzvah N-80
Torat Emet
18-5770 Mitzvah N-80
March 22, 2010
Negative Mitzvah 80 – This is a negative commandment: Do not take revenge on one’s fellow-man
Hafetz Hayim – As Scripture says: “you shall not take vengeance” (Lev. 19:18). Revenge means repaying a person who has harmed someone, according to his own act: for example, if one asked his neighbor, “Lend me your axe,” and he would not lend it to him; and the next day his neighbor has to borrow something from him, whereupon he tells him, “I will not lend it to you, just as you refused me when I wanted to borrow from you.” This is revenge, whereby he exacts vengeance from the other, repaying him according to his own evil action.
This applies everywhere and always, for both men and women.
Compare the example of the Hafetz Hayim to this Midrash from the Talmud (Shabbat 82a): Once a man from Galilee hired himself for three years to a man in the south. On the afternoon before Yom Kippur he said, “Give me my hire; I will go and nourish my wife and children.” His boss said, “I have no money”. The hired man said, “Then give me produce.” And the boss said, “I have none.” “Give me land.” And the boss said, “I have none.” “Give me cattle” And the boss said, “I have none.” “Give me mattresses and coverlets” And the boss said, “I have none.” Then the hired man put his possessions on his back and left in despair. After the fast, the boss took the man’s wages and three donkeys laden with food, drink and all manner of delicacies, and went to the hired man’s home. After they had eaten and drunk, and he had given him his wages, he said to the man, “ when you asked me for your wages, and I said I had no money, in what suspicion did you hold me?” The man replied, “I thought you had bought goods cheaply, and had so used up your money.” “And about the cattle?” “I thought perhaps you had hired them all out.” “And about the land?” “I thought that you had rented it all out.” “And the produce?” “ I thought that it had not yet been tithed. “And the mattresses and coverlets?” “I thought that perhaps you had consecrated all your property to God.” Then the boss said, “And so it was. I had vowed away all my property, because my son does not occupy himself with the study of the Law. But I went to my colleagues, and they freed me from my vow. As you have judged me favorably, so may God judge you.”
It is one thing to judge a person favorably. Even when things do not go as well as we want them to, we have a choice. We can believe that the whole thing is a plot against us and the other person is a scoundrel, or we can judge that person favorably and assume that there is some perfectly valid reason for his actions. In the case of our Mitzvah, perhaps there is a reason that the man cannot lend out the ax. I am sure that we can think of many good reasons he might want to lend the ax but can’t do it right now. Perhaps he has already rented it to someone else. Perhaps it is broken and in need of repair. Perhaps it is collateral on a loan and he cannot let it out of his possession. We could think of many other reasons that the person may not be able to lend out the ax right now.
Now we can understand why this kind of revenge is not permitted. When the tables are turned and the neighbor comes looking to borrow a different tool, our angry man gives a reason why he will not lend it to his neighbor. There is no assumption that there might be a reason that the tool cannot be borrowed; he has given his reason; that he is angry over the incident of the ax the previous day and is punishing the neighbor in a measure for measure manner that may be uncalled for. This is how a feud between neighbors begins, all over the need for revenge over a slight that may or may not be warranted.
The entire issue is contained entirely in our mind. We can be angry over the refusal of the ax and carry it with us, determined to get even some day in the future, or we can judge our neighbor favorably, assuming that there must be a reason he can’t lend the ax today, and let the incident go, so as not to carry the anger forward. I can add that even if we know that the neighbor is stingy and never will lend a tool, we should still not seek revenge; we should lend out our own tools if asked, so as to teach that person, the right way to act as a neighbor. We have to do this with our actions and without any malice, since if we say, “I will do for you what you refused to do for me” we will be in violation of the next Mitzvah.
18-5770 Mitzvah N-80
March 22, 2010
Negative Mitzvah 80 – This is a negative commandment: Do not take revenge on one’s fellow-man
Hafetz Hayim – As Scripture says: “you shall not take vengeance” (Lev. 19:18). Revenge means repaying a person who has harmed someone, according to his own act: for example, if one asked his neighbor, “Lend me your axe,” and he would not lend it to him; and the next day his neighbor has to borrow something from him, whereupon he tells him, “I will not lend it to you, just as you refused me when I wanted to borrow from you.” This is revenge, whereby he exacts vengeance from the other, repaying him according to his own evil action.
This applies everywhere and always, for both men and women.
Compare the example of the Hafetz Hayim to this Midrash from the Talmud (Shabbat 82a): Once a man from Galilee hired himself for three years to a man in the south. On the afternoon before Yom Kippur he said, “Give me my hire; I will go and nourish my wife and children.” His boss said, “I have no money”. The hired man said, “Then give me produce.” And the boss said, “I have none.” “Give me land.” And the boss said, “I have none.” “Give me cattle” And the boss said, “I have none.” “Give me mattresses and coverlets” And the boss said, “I have none.” Then the hired man put his possessions on his back and left in despair. After the fast, the boss took the man’s wages and three donkeys laden with food, drink and all manner of delicacies, and went to the hired man’s home. After they had eaten and drunk, and he had given him his wages, he said to the man, “ when you asked me for your wages, and I said I had no money, in what suspicion did you hold me?” The man replied, “I thought you had bought goods cheaply, and had so used up your money.” “And about the cattle?” “I thought perhaps you had hired them all out.” “And about the land?” “I thought that you had rented it all out.” “And the produce?” “ I thought that it had not yet been tithed. “And the mattresses and coverlets?” “I thought that perhaps you had consecrated all your property to God.” Then the boss said, “And so it was. I had vowed away all my property, because my son does not occupy himself with the study of the Law. But I went to my colleagues, and they freed me from my vow. As you have judged me favorably, so may God judge you.”
It is one thing to judge a person favorably. Even when things do not go as well as we want them to, we have a choice. We can believe that the whole thing is a plot against us and the other person is a scoundrel, or we can judge that person favorably and assume that there is some perfectly valid reason for his actions. In the case of our Mitzvah, perhaps there is a reason that the man cannot lend out the ax. I am sure that we can think of many good reasons he might want to lend the ax but can’t do it right now. Perhaps he has already rented it to someone else. Perhaps it is broken and in need of repair. Perhaps it is collateral on a loan and he cannot let it out of his possession. We could think of many other reasons that the person may not be able to lend out the ax right now.
Now we can understand why this kind of revenge is not permitted. When the tables are turned and the neighbor comes looking to borrow a different tool, our angry man gives a reason why he will not lend it to his neighbor. There is no assumption that there might be a reason that the tool cannot be borrowed; he has given his reason; that he is angry over the incident of the ax the previous day and is punishing the neighbor in a measure for measure manner that may be uncalled for. This is how a feud between neighbors begins, all over the need for revenge over a slight that may or may not be warranted.
The entire issue is contained entirely in our mind. We can be angry over the refusal of the ax and carry it with us, determined to get even some day in the future, or we can judge our neighbor favorably, assuming that there must be a reason he can’t lend the ax today, and let the incident go, so as not to carry the anger forward. I can add that even if we know that the neighbor is stingy and never will lend a tool, we should still not seek revenge; we should lend out our own tools if asked, so as to teach that person, the right way to act as a neighbor. We have to do this with our actions and without any malice, since if we say, “I will do for you what you refused to do for me” we will be in violation of the next Mitzvah.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
17-5770 Mitzvah N-79
Torah Emet
17-5770 Mitzvah N-79
Negative Mitzvah 79 – This is a negative commandment: Do not shame another person.
Hafetz Hayim – As Scripture says: “and you shall not bear sin because of him.” (Lev. 19:17 ) – and all the more certainly so in public. It is a great wrong; the Sages of blessed memory said “Whoever shames his fellow man in public has no share in the world-to- come.” (Talmud; Bava Metzia59a) We must therefore take care not to disgrace anyone, be he of low or high stature. Nor should we call him by any name of which he is ashamed. This applies, however, specifically to a matter between one man and his fellow-man. In matters of Heaven, though, if a person [sinned and he] did not repent when he was rebuked in private, he is to be shamed publicly, and his sin is to be made known in public, until he returns to the good path.
This applies everywhere and always, for both men and women.
Shaming another person, according to the Sages is similar to killing that person. The Hebrew term for embarrassment implies that his face has turned pale, that all the blood has rushed out of his face. That is why they compare embarrassment to shedding blood. What actually constitutes shaming another person may depend on who that person is, what they are doing and their status in the community. And yet, all of these differences are not relevant to our discussion. If it is embarrassing to another person in any way, we should keep as far away from it as we can.
If someone once had a nickname that he or she has outgrown or if there was a school yard name or street name that he or she was once known by but now does not use, these names should not be used anymore lest you shame the person who was once called by that name. We all outgrow our childhood/adolescent nicknames, and they should not be a source of embarrassment when we mature beyond them.
The restriction on this law has to do with a person who ignores a ritual law (law between one man and Heaven). The rule is that when a person publicly violates a ritual law, it is assumed that he or she did it in error and should be advised, privately, about the error and given a chance to repent and to correct their action. If, after being advised privately, and rebuked privately, he or she continues to ignore the ritual law, it is then permitted (according to the Hafetz Hayim and other sages) to publicly shame that person into compliance. For example, if a person were to violate the laws of Shabbat and make purchases on the holy day, that person should be privately advised that spending money, making purchases and conducting business is all forbidden on Shabbat. If after this, that person continues to go shopping on Shabbat, he or she can be publicly admonished in synagogue that this behavior is not permitted, and this person can be disqualified from communal office and the reason, violating Shabbat, can be given as the reason for the disqualification.
In our modern era, I find this last restriction disturbing. In a world where Jews lived together, worked together and prayed together, this kind of public chastisement might have made a lot of sense. But today, when there are so many options for Jews to find community and to operate in the free open market, such a tactic to promote “conformity” in ritual seems to be counterproductive. It will not draw a Jew to reconsider ritual observance; it seems to me such a stance will drive that Jew farther away from his faith. Perhaps in insulated communities public embarrassment may work, but in the modern world of self-directed faith, such public embarrassment will not motivate anyone to change their behavior and may, instead, in the realm of public opinion, embarrass Judaism as a religious way of life.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
16-5770 Mitzvah N-78
Torah Emet
16-5770 Mitzvah N-78
March 8, 2010
Negative Mitzvah 78 – This is a negative commandment: Do not hate in your heart any decent Jew.
Hafetz Hayim – As Scripture says: “You shall not hate your brother in your heart.” (Lev. 19:17) – and should one man sin against another, he should not bear hatred for him in his heart and keep silent. Instead, it is a religious duty for him to inform the other person and tell him, “Why did you do thus-and-so to me?” And he should erase the hatred from his heart. If, however, he saw the other person committing a sin, whereupon he warned him, but the other did not turn back, it is then a religious duty for him to hate the other one (since he does not conduct himself as “your brother”).
This applies everywhere and always, for both men and women.
When human beings live in proximity to one another, there is always the danger of conflict, sometimes serious conflict. Our news is filled with men and women who go berserk in their hatred and their need for vengeance and who open fire on the people they hate and on innocent people as well. Since it seems to take some time for anger to grow into murderous rage, this Mitzvah is designed to cut that possibility off before it can begin.
It is impossible to pass a law that forbids Jews from hating each other; that would be too hard for any person to bear. The fact is that we get angry at others all the time and the hatred is just a byproduct of that anger. The trick here is to cut the anger off from the beginning. This is best accomplished, says the Hafetz Hayim, by asking questions and getting an explanation of what has occurred from the point of view of the other person. I can’t tell you how many times I have seen people jump to terrible conclusions when there were easier and more logical explanations of what had occurred. When we stand before the one who has made us angry and ask for an explanation, in the vast majority of cases, we will find that it is all a misunderstanding and that there was no real reason for the anger and the hurt. Even if the explanation is not enough, the fact that there is an alternative way of seeing the incident will help end the animosity and cut off the hatred. It is important to cut off the hatred in your heart before it can amplify into something far more dangerous.
I am not sure I agree with the second part of this Mitzvah. A Jew who sins is still a Jew. It does no good to harbor hatred against him, even if he is a sinner and has ignored attempts to bring him back to the right place. No matter if he (or she) is a good Jew or a bad Jew, we must not hate a fellow Jew in our heart. I just can’t see how we could ever consider a fellow Jew NOT to be our brother, for even an instant. There is always the possibility of repentance and change.
While I know that there are non-Jews who hate Jews so much that they are dangerous to know and too dangerous to ignore, we must indeed fight against them on every front and at every opportunity. This is not a matter of hatred; it is a matter of the survival of our faith and the preservation of our lives. I also know that much of what passes for hatred of Jews today, is based mainly on ignorance of what Judaism is and what it stands for. Here too, asking the question, “Why did you do thus-and-so to me?” can go a long way to help educate a bigot and thus change his or her mind. It really does no good for any Jew to really harbor hatred in his or her heart. Hatred will not cause someone else to change for the better, we can only work toward making others think before they do or say something rash, and work hard to let others know the pain and hurt that hate causes. Love is more powerful than hate, and we need to work to help remove hatred from our hearts against any other human being.
16-5770 Mitzvah N-78
March 8, 2010
Negative Mitzvah 78 – This is a negative commandment: Do not hate in your heart any decent Jew.
Hafetz Hayim – As Scripture says: “You shall not hate your brother in your heart.” (Lev. 19:17) – and should one man sin against another, he should not bear hatred for him in his heart and keep silent. Instead, it is a religious duty for him to inform the other person and tell him, “Why did you do thus-and-so to me?” And he should erase the hatred from his heart. If, however, he saw the other person committing a sin, whereupon he warned him, but the other did not turn back, it is then a religious duty for him to hate the other one (since he does not conduct himself as “your brother”).
This applies everywhere and always, for both men and women.
When human beings live in proximity to one another, there is always the danger of conflict, sometimes serious conflict. Our news is filled with men and women who go berserk in their hatred and their need for vengeance and who open fire on the people they hate and on innocent people as well. Since it seems to take some time for anger to grow into murderous rage, this Mitzvah is designed to cut that possibility off before it can begin.
It is impossible to pass a law that forbids Jews from hating each other; that would be too hard for any person to bear. The fact is that we get angry at others all the time and the hatred is just a byproduct of that anger. The trick here is to cut the anger off from the beginning. This is best accomplished, says the Hafetz Hayim, by asking questions and getting an explanation of what has occurred from the point of view of the other person. I can’t tell you how many times I have seen people jump to terrible conclusions when there were easier and more logical explanations of what had occurred. When we stand before the one who has made us angry and ask for an explanation, in the vast majority of cases, we will find that it is all a misunderstanding and that there was no real reason for the anger and the hurt. Even if the explanation is not enough, the fact that there is an alternative way of seeing the incident will help end the animosity and cut off the hatred. It is important to cut off the hatred in your heart before it can amplify into something far more dangerous.
I am not sure I agree with the second part of this Mitzvah. A Jew who sins is still a Jew. It does no good to harbor hatred against him, even if he is a sinner and has ignored attempts to bring him back to the right place. No matter if he (or she) is a good Jew or a bad Jew, we must not hate a fellow Jew in our heart. I just can’t see how we could ever consider a fellow Jew NOT to be our brother, for even an instant. There is always the possibility of repentance and change.
While I know that there are non-Jews who hate Jews so much that they are dangerous to know and too dangerous to ignore, we must indeed fight against them on every front and at every opportunity. This is not a matter of hatred; it is a matter of the survival of our faith and the preservation of our lives. I also know that much of what passes for hatred of Jews today, is based mainly on ignorance of what Judaism is and what it stands for. Here too, asking the question, “Why did you do thus-and-so to me?” can go a long way to help educate a bigot and thus change his or her mind. It really does no good for any Jew to really harbor hatred in his or her heart. Hatred will not cause someone else to change for the better, we can only work toward making others think before they do or say something rash, and work hard to let others know the pain and hurt that hate causes. Love is more powerful than hate, and we need to work to help remove hatred from our hearts against any other human being.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
15-5770 Mitzvah N-77
Torah Emet
15-5770 Mitzvah N-77
March 1, 2010
Negative Mitzvah 77 – This is a negative commandment: Do not tell anyone things that another person said against him.
Hafetz Hayim – As Scripture says: “You shall not go about as a tale-bearer among your people.” (Lev. 19:16) – Even if he speaks the truth, a person thus brings ruin into the world. It is an enormous wrong, which causes the murder of lives among the Jewish people, as we find with Do’eg the Edomite. Now there is a criminal act very far worse than this, included under the prohibition, and that is evil gossip. This means that a person speaks disparagingly about his fellow-man even though he tells the truth; for a person who speaks falsehood is called “one who spreads a bad report.” It is evil gossip when one says, “So and so did this and that. Thus and so were his forefathers. This is what I heard about him.” And so he relates matters of disgrace. Regarding this, the Writ says, Hashem will cut off all unctuous lips, the tongue that speaks proud things (Psalms 12:4).
The Sages of blessed memory taught (Yerushalmi Peah) “For three transgressions, punishment is exacted from a person in this world, and he has no share in the world to come: idol worship, incest or adultery, and bloodshed. But evil gossip is equal in seriousness to them all.” Our Sages further taught (Yalkut Shimoni, Tehillim 656) “If someone relates evil gossip, it is as though he denied the main principle [of the one and only God].” And our Sages of blessed memory said too, (D’varim Rabbah v.10) “Evil gossip kills three; the one who tells it, the one who hears it and the one about whom it is told. But the one who accepts it is affected more than the one who tells it.”
There are certain matters that constitute a “shade” of evil gossip. For example, “If only someone would tell so and so that he should always be as he is now” or if one says, “Do not talk about so and so. I don’t want to tell what has happened with him.” So also if one speaks well of another person before someone who hates him, because that makes that person speak in disparagement of him. So too if someone speaks evil gossip by way of a joke. And so likewise if it is told in a way of guile and deceit, as if he does not know that this matter is evil gossip.
It is all one whether a person tells evil gossip in the other’s presence or in his absence. So too, if a person tells things that cause trouble if they are conveyed from one man to another, harming his fellow-man physically or through his possessions, or even [merely] distressing or frightening him – and there is no need to add, if one informs on his fellow-man before a government officer and thus causes him to take the other’s items of monetary value. It is as though he killed him and the wife and children who depend on him for he is an informer [in effect}. Purgatory will finish, and he will not be finished [with his punishment]. (The Hafetz Hayim has written many books on Sh’mirat haLashon on the enormity of this crime of evil gossip, and its punishment).
This applies everywhere and always, for both men and women.
As we see from the end of this long lesson, The Hafetz Hayim has written extensively on the problem of evil gossip and this is a subject in which he has a lot to say. Our Mitzvah lesson is only a much abbreviated form of one of the most important topics in Judaism, the commandment not to spread evil gossip.
The real issue here is that so many people spread such gossip and do so feeling fully justified in spreading the story. We make up all kinds of excuses why we can say such terrible things about another person. All the excuses we offer are of no value. There is no excuse for such an abuse of language. Anything we relate to another person that is designed to harm that person, directly or indirectly, including physical harm, monetary harm or public embarrassment, whether or not the information is true or not, in the presence of the subject or in his/her absence, it is all forbidden.
The “shade” of evil gossip (often called the “dust” of evil gossip) is just as bad. Even if we don’t say anything about a person but only hint that there may be more to the story than we are telling, we are guilty of evil gossip. Even if we are only joking at the expense of another person, it is evil gossip in that is makes people think less of the person who is the subject of the joke.
There is a story of two brothers who were arguing over which one was taller. The younger brother would not submit to a back to back test claiming that the other brother was older and they needed to correct for his age. He suggested that the older brother stand in a ditch before going back to back and then see who is taller. Their father, who was watching this argument commented, “Why does it always have to be that to build ourselves up, we have to put someone else down. It would be just as easy for you to stand on a box rather than put your brother in a ditch.” So it is with all people; it is easier to put others down so we will look better, rather than just doing the right thing and raising ourselves up.
It is forbidden to be disparaging to another, but you can, and should, speak well of all people. We should look for things in each other to praise, rather than looking for that which will put someone down. The gossip sections of the newspaper and the internet are always busy with people looking to see how important and famous people will be knocked off their pedestals. But who pays attention to the rich and famous who give to charities, who work with the disadvantaged and who play by the rules? No, it is far more interesting to see who was arrested, who was jilted and who got caught with a hand in the cookie jar. This is why the Hafez Hayim insists that while three people are killed, it is the one who “accepts” gossip who is affected more. Without the listener, the cycle of gossip is broken and the teller of tales will have no one interested in his or her “wares”.
There are some who think that it is not gossip if they tell the tale in the presence of the victim and not behind his or her back. This is wrong. If the information is embarrassing to someone else, we have no business to repeat it to anyone else.
Sometimes, to gain an advantage over another, it is suggested that someone is actually guilty of a crime in order to begin an investigation, causing pain, anguish, public humiliation and damage to their good name. This kind of informing to the government is not only evil gossip; it is a whole crime in itself. You can’t try to eliminate your competition by reporting to the IRS that he didn’t pay his taxes, figuring that by the time he clears his name, the damage will be done and you will reap the rewards of his lost business. According to the Sages, when a person dies, most of his or her sins (including the sin of murder) find atonement with the death itself. There are some sins, however, that go beyond death, which is why all Jews spend some time in Gehenna (Jewish Hell). The time there is for those sins for which death does not atone. The limit is 12 months. Gehenna is so bad that it can atone for most terrible sins in 12 months or less. After that, almost everyone merits Gan Eden (Jewish Heaven). But there are a few sins that are so bad that even Gehenna will not atone for them. These are the deeds of someone so wicked that he oppressed the weak, taking advantage of poor women and children and anyone of the defenseless people in society. The Sages imagined all kinds of punishment for these wicked people. We see at the end of this Mitzvah, that Gehenna is not enough to atone for the sin of informing against a Jew unjustly to the government. Such actions often lead to pogroms, anti-Jewish rioting and expulsion of the entire community. This is why this kind of gossip is rated as an enormous crime, for which all the fires of Hell could never atone.
It is best to follow the example describe in Psalms (34:13-14); “Who is the man who is eager for life, who desires years of good fortune? Guard your tongue from evil, your lips from deceitful speech.”
15-5770 Mitzvah N-77
March 1, 2010
Negative Mitzvah 77 – This is a negative commandment: Do not tell anyone things that another person said against him.
Hafetz Hayim – As Scripture says: “You shall not go about as a tale-bearer among your people.” (Lev. 19:16) – Even if he speaks the truth, a person thus brings ruin into the world. It is an enormous wrong, which causes the murder of lives among the Jewish people, as we find with Do’eg the Edomite. Now there is a criminal act very far worse than this, included under the prohibition, and that is evil gossip. This means that a person speaks disparagingly about his fellow-man even though he tells the truth; for a person who speaks falsehood is called “one who spreads a bad report.” It is evil gossip when one says, “So and so did this and that. Thus and so were his forefathers. This is what I heard about him.” And so he relates matters of disgrace. Regarding this, the Writ says, Hashem will cut off all unctuous lips, the tongue that speaks proud things (Psalms 12:4).
The Sages of blessed memory taught (Yerushalmi Peah) “For three transgressions, punishment is exacted from a person in this world, and he has no share in the world to come: idol worship, incest or adultery, and bloodshed. But evil gossip is equal in seriousness to them all.” Our Sages further taught (Yalkut Shimoni, Tehillim 656) “If someone relates evil gossip, it is as though he denied the main principle [of the one and only God].” And our Sages of blessed memory said too, (D’varim Rabbah v.10) “Evil gossip kills three; the one who tells it, the one who hears it and the one about whom it is told. But the one who accepts it is affected more than the one who tells it.”
There are certain matters that constitute a “shade” of evil gossip. For example, “If only someone would tell so and so that he should always be as he is now” or if one says, “Do not talk about so and so. I don’t want to tell what has happened with him.” So also if one speaks well of another person before someone who hates him, because that makes that person speak in disparagement of him. So too if someone speaks evil gossip by way of a joke. And so likewise if it is told in a way of guile and deceit, as if he does not know that this matter is evil gossip.
It is all one whether a person tells evil gossip in the other’s presence or in his absence. So too, if a person tells things that cause trouble if they are conveyed from one man to another, harming his fellow-man physically or through his possessions, or even [merely] distressing or frightening him – and there is no need to add, if one informs on his fellow-man before a government officer and thus causes him to take the other’s items of monetary value. It is as though he killed him and the wife and children who depend on him for he is an informer [in effect}. Purgatory will finish, and he will not be finished [with his punishment]. (The Hafetz Hayim has written many books on Sh’mirat haLashon on the enormity of this crime of evil gossip, and its punishment).
This applies everywhere and always, for both men and women.
As we see from the end of this long lesson, The Hafetz Hayim has written extensively on the problem of evil gossip and this is a subject in which he has a lot to say. Our Mitzvah lesson is only a much abbreviated form of one of the most important topics in Judaism, the commandment not to spread evil gossip.
The real issue here is that so many people spread such gossip and do so feeling fully justified in spreading the story. We make up all kinds of excuses why we can say such terrible things about another person. All the excuses we offer are of no value. There is no excuse for such an abuse of language. Anything we relate to another person that is designed to harm that person, directly or indirectly, including physical harm, monetary harm or public embarrassment, whether or not the information is true or not, in the presence of the subject or in his/her absence, it is all forbidden.
The “shade” of evil gossip (often called the “dust” of evil gossip) is just as bad. Even if we don’t say anything about a person but only hint that there may be more to the story than we are telling, we are guilty of evil gossip. Even if we are only joking at the expense of another person, it is evil gossip in that is makes people think less of the person who is the subject of the joke.
There is a story of two brothers who were arguing over which one was taller. The younger brother would not submit to a back to back test claiming that the other brother was older and they needed to correct for his age. He suggested that the older brother stand in a ditch before going back to back and then see who is taller. Their father, who was watching this argument commented, “Why does it always have to be that to build ourselves up, we have to put someone else down. It would be just as easy for you to stand on a box rather than put your brother in a ditch.” So it is with all people; it is easier to put others down so we will look better, rather than just doing the right thing and raising ourselves up.
It is forbidden to be disparaging to another, but you can, and should, speak well of all people. We should look for things in each other to praise, rather than looking for that which will put someone down. The gossip sections of the newspaper and the internet are always busy with people looking to see how important and famous people will be knocked off their pedestals. But who pays attention to the rich and famous who give to charities, who work with the disadvantaged and who play by the rules? No, it is far more interesting to see who was arrested, who was jilted and who got caught with a hand in the cookie jar. This is why the Hafez Hayim insists that while three people are killed, it is the one who “accepts” gossip who is affected more. Without the listener, the cycle of gossip is broken and the teller of tales will have no one interested in his or her “wares”.
There are some who think that it is not gossip if they tell the tale in the presence of the victim and not behind his or her back. This is wrong. If the information is embarrassing to someone else, we have no business to repeat it to anyone else.
Sometimes, to gain an advantage over another, it is suggested that someone is actually guilty of a crime in order to begin an investigation, causing pain, anguish, public humiliation and damage to their good name. This kind of informing to the government is not only evil gossip; it is a whole crime in itself. You can’t try to eliminate your competition by reporting to the IRS that he didn’t pay his taxes, figuring that by the time he clears his name, the damage will be done and you will reap the rewards of his lost business. According to the Sages, when a person dies, most of his or her sins (including the sin of murder) find atonement with the death itself. There are some sins, however, that go beyond death, which is why all Jews spend some time in Gehenna (Jewish Hell). The time there is for those sins for which death does not atone. The limit is 12 months. Gehenna is so bad that it can atone for most terrible sins in 12 months or less. After that, almost everyone merits Gan Eden (Jewish Heaven). But there are a few sins that are so bad that even Gehenna will not atone for them. These are the deeds of someone so wicked that he oppressed the weak, taking advantage of poor women and children and anyone of the defenseless people in society. The Sages imagined all kinds of punishment for these wicked people. We see at the end of this Mitzvah, that Gehenna is not enough to atone for the sin of informing against a Jew unjustly to the government. Such actions often lead to pogroms, anti-Jewish rioting and expulsion of the entire community. This is why this kind of gossip is rated as an enormous crime, for which all the fires of Hell could never atone.
It is best to follow the example describe in Psalms (34:13-14); “Who is the man who is eager for life, who desires years of good fortune? Guard your tongue from evil, your lips from deceitful speech.”
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)