Halacha L'Moshe Mi Sinai
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
April 27, 2005 - Number 5765-29
Taharat HaMishpacha I - Introduction
Religions can be many things. They can open doors to new understandings of the spiritual realm. They can help us understand ourselves and guide our motivations to higher causes. A good religion can make meaning out of our life and direct us to the right path in every aspect of our lives. If a religion is to last for the long run, for a thousand years or more, however, it must also speak to the human condition. It has to help us live better lives. There are three major drives found in all humanity. A long term religion has to help us with these three drives.
The first drive is hunger. When we are without food for long periods of time, finding something to eat will take over every other priority that we have. The second drive is for power and control. We want to have the power over our surroundings to bend them to our needs. The third drive is the sexual drive. The need not just to have children, but to have sexual pleasure as well. In the ancient world, there were three ways to deal with these drives. One way was Pagan, the second was Christian, and the third way was Judaism.
Paganism saw our hunger as an opportunity to worship. Eating was how we showed the gods that we appreciated all the many bounties they had given us. Over eating and over drinking were the signature rituals of Paganism. Power was a sign that the gods loved you. Power is money and the one whose crops grew heavy and whose cattle were fertile, were blessed by the gods. Sex was part of the magic practiced by pagan priests and priestesses. If we were fertile here on earth, it reminded to gods to be fertile as well and thus our agricultural produce would increase.
Christianity, as practiced by the early church, took an opposite approach. Gluttony and drunkenness were serious sins. Holy people often fasted. Power was the root of all evil and holy people took vows of poverty, giving all of their possessions to the church. The only reason for sex was to have children, otherwise it was the source of original sin. Holy people took vows of celibacy.
Judaism was different. When it came to food, we had the laws of Kashrut. Kashrut taught us that there are foods we can eat and foods that we can not eat. The drive of hunger may be strong, but it must not control our life. We must control it. No matter how hungry we are, there are food we are permitted and foods that are never permitted. When it came to power, we had the laws of Shabbat. Six days we can labor and earn money and take control of the world, on the seventh day, we rest and become a part of the world again. Six days we make the world into what we want, the seventh day we live with what we have. We are in control, not our drive. When it came to sex, Judaism gives us the laws of taharat Ha Mishpacha, the laws of family purity. They tell us when we are permitted to enjoy sexual relations and when such relations are forbidden. Once again, the drive does not drive us, we are responsible to control our drives.
Many people feel that these laws are no longer important in Judaism. They were sexist laws and in a modern society we don=t have any need for religion to get involved in our sex lives. We have this fear that if religion will tell us when we can perform this most intimate act of our humanity, than it will add levels of guilt and repression into moments that should be loving and free. Like every other aspect of human life, however, even our sexuality need the reminders that make up these laws of holiness in our family. We need to look at them again, with modern eyes and see that they are not as outdated sometimes as we feel they should be. They are not designed to make us feel that sex is shameful or dirty, rather they are designed to help us understand that sex is one of the holiest things we humans are capable of doing and that we should not take such actions for granted. We should always be looking for ways to bring more holiness into our intimate relations.
Next week: Taharat HaMishpacha II - Sex Laws
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
HMS 5765-28 When Passover Falls on a Saturday Night
Halacha L'Moshe Mi Sinai
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
April 19, 2005 - Number 5765-28
When Passover Falls on a Saturday Night
On all other Passover nights we begin the Seder right after the Arvit (Evening) service, this year we have to wait.
Passover falling on a Saturday night is not common but it does occur from time to time. Some rituals of Passover are moved aside because of Shabbat and others can not be moved. Rituals associated with the sacrifice of the Paschal Lamb take place even when the 14th of Nisan falls on Shabbat, but items related to later rituals must be done earlier so Shabbat will not be violated.
In a normal year, on the 14th of Nisan, in the evening, we search for Hametz with a feather and a candle in a ceremony called ABedikat Hametz. The next morning the Fast of the Firstborn is observed and a Siyyum is planned in order to cancel the fast. By 10 AM that morning the Hametz must be sold to a non-Jew and the crumbs that were searched out at night are burned before 11AM. After the Hametz is burned, one can not eat Hametz at all but one can also not eat Matzah until the Seder begins that night. This is to make sure that the first taste of Matzah for the season will be at our Seder. We spend the afternoon preparing for the Seder that begins when we light the festival candles after dark.
When the 14th of Nisan is Shabbat we have to rearrange the order of our preparations. On Thursday morning will be the Fast of the First Born, which will be interrupted, as usual by the Siyyum so that all will not have to fast. After the Siyyum, we will have a regular breakfast since eating Hametz will be allowed for quite some time.
Thursday night, after dark, will be ABedikat Hametz@ the Search for Hametz by candlelight with a feather. The crumbs collected will be sealed up for the morning.
Friday morning, at 10 AM we will sell the Hametz to a non-Jew. At Temple Sinai this means that once again we will sell our Hametz to our Chief of Police. While the contract will be signed that day, the sale will not be effective until 10 AM Saturday morning. We can not engage in signing and negotiating contracts on Shabbat so we have to do it on Friday morning. After the sale is signed, we will burn the Hametz that we sealed up the previous night. We will have a public burning of Hametz at about 10:45 AM so if you want us to add your Hametz to the fire. You must join us or drop off your Hametz before that time. 10 AM is the last time I can be appointed to serve as your Shaliach for the sale of Hametz. I have to execute the sale by 10 AM so you must designate me before that time in writing. Minyan that morning is at 8:00 AM and I will be there at that time. Remember to make your checks payable to me so I can deposit them in the Rabbi=s Fund so we can make our annual donation to the Police Athletic League. Hametz that is sold should be closed in boxes or in cabinets and sealed until after the holiday. It does not belong to you so you may not open it or use it during the holiday or you will be stealing food from the Chief of Police.
There are two options for Shabbat meals. We recommend that after 11AM on Friday, that all homes be Kosher for Passover and Hametz should no longer be eaten. Hamotzi on Friday Night and for Shabbat Lunch should be made over AMatzah Ashira@ AEnriched Matzah@ commonly known as Egg Matzah. One should not eat regular Matzah until Saturday night at the Seder. While there are some authorities that do not permit Hamotzi to be recited over Matzah Ashira, Conservative Judaism does not hold by that opinion and we follow the many other authorities that permit Egg Matzah and permit Hamotzi to be recited over it.
Another option permitted but not recommended, is to set aside just enough bread and Hametz food for Friday night dinner and Shabbat Lunch. Hametz may be eaten until 10 AM Saturday so Lunch will have to be rather early. Since the leftovers can not be burned on Shabbat they must be either crumbled up and strewn to the wind, or flushed away in the bathroom or taken out of the house as trash. It can no longer be used or maintained either on or after Passover. Cooking may not be done on Shabbat. Along side the Shabbat candles a 24 hour candle should burn. The flame from that candle should be used to light the Passover candles after Shabbat is over. Havdalah is part of the Kiddush at the Seder and is done over the Holiday candles so the candles should be lit close to the table. Other than Havdalah and the late start to the Seder, the Seder is done as usual.
For questions of Kashrut for Passover, consult your Rabbi. I wish all my on-line students a Kosher and Happy Pesach.
Next week: Taharat HaMishpacha
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
April 19, 2005 - Number 5765-28
When Passover Falls on a Saturday Night
On all other Passover nights we begin the Seder right after the Arvit (Evening) service, this year we have to wait.
Passover falling on a Saturday night is not common but it does occur from time to time. Some rituals of Passover are moved aside because of Shabbat and others can not be moved. Rituals associated with the sacrifice of the Paschal Lamb take place even when the 14th of Nisan falls on Shabbat, but items related to later rituals must be done earlier so Shabbat will not be violated.
In a normal year, on the 14th of Nisan, in the evening, we search for Hametz with a feather and a candle in a ceremony called ABedikat Hametz. The next morning the Fast of the Firstborn is observed and a Siyyum is planned in order to cancel the fast. By 10 AM that morning the Hametz must be sold to a non-Jew and the crumbs that were searched out at night are burned before 11AM. After the Hametz is burned, one can not eat Hametz at all but one can also not eat Matzah until the Seder begins that night. This is to make sure that the first taste of Matzah for the season will be at our Seder. We spend the afternoon preparing for the Seder that begins when we light the festival candles after dark.
When the 14th of Nisan is Shabbat we have to rearrange the order of our preparations. On Thursday morning will be the Fast of the First Born, which will be interrupted, as usual by the Siyyum so that all will not have to fast. After the Siyyum, we will have a regular breakfast since eating Hametz will be allowed for quite some time.
Thursday night, after dark, will be ABedikat Hametz@ the Search for Hametz by candlelight with a feather. The crumbs collected will be sealed up for the morning.
Friday morning, at 10 AM we will sell the Hametz to a non-Jew. At Temple Sinai this means that once again we will sell our Hametz to our Chief of Police. While the contract will be signed that day, the sale will not be effective until 10 AM Saturday morning. We can not engage in signing and negotiating contracts on Shabbat so we have to do it on Friday morning. After the sale is signed, we will burn the Hametz that we sealed up the previous night. We will have a public burning of Hametz at about 10:45 AM so if you want us to add your Hametz to the fire. You must join us or drop off your Hametz before that time. 10 AM is the last time I can be appointed to serve as your Shaliach for the sale of Hametz. I have to execute the sale by 10 AM so you must designate me before that time in writing. Minyan that morning is at 8:00 AM and I will be there at that time. Remember to make your checks payable to me so I can deposit them in the Rabbi=s Fund so we can make our annual donation to the Police Athletic League. Hametz that is sold should be closed in boxes or in cabinets and sealed until after the holiday. It does not belong to you so you may not open it or use it during the holiday or you will be stealing food from the Chief of Police.
There are two options for Shabbat meals. We recommend that after 11AM on Friday, that all homes be Kosher for Passover and Hametz should no longer be eaten. Hamotzi on Friday Night and for Shabbat Lunch should be made over AMatzah Ashira@ AEnriched Matzah@ commonly known as Egg Matzah. One should not eat regular Matzah until Saturday night at the Seder. While there are some authorities that do not permit Hamotzi to be recited over Matzah Ashira, Conservative Judaism does not hold by that opinion and we follow the many other authorities that permit Egg Matzah and permit Hamotzi to be recited over it.
Another option permitted but not recommended, is to set aside just enough bread and Hametz food for Friday night dinner and Shabbat Lunch. Hametz may be eaten until 10 AM Saturday so Lunch will have to be rather early. Since the leftovers can not be burned on Shabbat they must be either crumbled up and strewn to the wind, or flushed away in the bathroom or taken out of the house as trash. It can no longer be used or maintained either on or after Passover. Cooking may not be done on Shabbat. Along side the Shabbat candles a 24 hour candle should burn. The flame from that candle should be used to light the Passover candles after Shabbat is over. Havdalah is part of the Kiddush at the Seder and is done over the Holiday candles so the candles should be lit close to the table. Other than Havdalah and the late start to the Seder, the Seder is done as usual.
For questions of Kashrut for Passover, consult your Rabbi. I wish all my on-line students a Kosher and Happy Pesach.
Next week: Taharat HaMishpacha
Monday, April 11, 2005
HMS 5765-27: Judaism and Divorce II: The Procedure of Divorce
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
April 11, 2005 - Number 5765-27
Judaism and Divorce II: The Procedure of Divorce
Until modern times, the procedure for Jewish Divorce was performed on the same day. The initiation of the Get, the writing of the Get, the delivery of the get was all done with all the parties present. Today, for many reasons, we have divided the process into three distinct parts that happen at three different times. Thus it can take up to a month to complete the process, and yet this should be viewed as a step forward in Jewish ritual. Let us examine the three parts and then we will discuss the change.
The initiation of a get can be done by either the Husband or the Wife by going to a Rabbi and asking for a Get. It is that simple. Most Conservative Rabbis will not write a get themselves, but have associated themselves with an expert in Gittin (the Plural of Get) called a "Messader Gittin". Each Messader Gitten has a form that will need to be filled out. The information required is simple. We need the English name of the Husband and Wife, and all other legal and nicknames that both of them use on a regular basis (i.e. Robert, Rob, Bob, Bobby or Elaine, Elly, El, Lanie etc.) We will need the Hebrew/Yiddish name for the Husband and Wife as well as the Hebrew name of their Father. We will also need each father’s English name and all the legal and nicknames that the father uses on a regular basis. We will need to know if either party is a cohen or levi, if either party converted to Judaism. We will need the address and phone number of both the Husband and wife. We will need to know the date of the civil divorce and when and in which court it was recorded. We will need the English and Hebrew name of the Rabbi who will be delivering the Get. This may be the same Rabbi who is being called to initiate the get but if the wife is in a different city, it may be her Rabbi or a Rabbi who lives close by.
The Rabbi will also collect the money to pay for the Get at this time.
Before the information can be sent to Mesader Gittin, to write the Get, the Rabbi must call in the Husband and have him sign the form that he understands that a Get will be written and that he authorizes this writing and will not, in the future, rescind this authorization. His signature must be witnessed by two qualified witnesses that are not related to the Husband ( Usually the Rabbi and someone from his congregation will serve as witnesses). All of this is sent to the Mesader Gittin.
In the second part, the Get is actually Written. The Messader Gittin calls together a Bet Din, a Rabbinical Court that will oversee this Get. They commission a scribe to write the Get itself. The get is written on parchment with a quill pen. By tradition it has twelve lines. It states the location where the get is being written, not only the name of the city but a nearby mountain or river that will help locate the get. The language is basically the reverse language of the ketuba, the wedding contract. And states that the husband and wife are no longer in a "sanctified" relationship. It is signed by two witnesses from the Bet Din. A get is folded in a special way for delivery. Another form, a Haarsha-ah is created to identify that Get. It contains the names of those in the get and also a code by which the Get can be identified. It names the Messader Gitten as in charge of its delivery and any other Rabbis who will aid in delivering it. A blank form, "Record of Delivery" is enclosed with the Get and the package is sent to the Rabbi who will be delivering the Get.
The Rabbi who will deliver the Get then calls in the Wife. He also calls together a Bet Din of three people who are not related to the Husband, Wife or the Rabbi who is delivering the Get (The Rabbi is the Shaliach or Messenger of the original Bet Din from when the Get was written). The wife may bring a friend or relative to accompany her. First, the identity of the wife must be established by ID or if she is personally known to the Rabbi. Next the Hasha-ah and the Get are examined to make sure that the right Get is to be delivered. The main concerns about delivery are that the right people and the right Get come together. If not the couple are still married and that would be a disaster! Great care goes into making sure that all parts of the delivery are correct. The Get is read aloud, re-folded and given to the Shaliach. The Wife takes off any rings she is wearing and stands up. The Shaliach makes a declaration that by accepting this Get from her Husband she will be divorced and free to remarry if she chooses. He places the get in her cupped hands, and she walks a few steps toward the door to indicate that she has accepted the Get. She then gives the Get to the Bet Din who fill out the Record of Delivery form and return the entire package, Get, Haarsha-ah and Record of Delivery, to the Messader Gitten. When the Messader Gitten receives the package, he cuts the get to indicate it has been delivered, and issues a "patur" to the Husband to the Wife indicating that the divorce is finished and both are free to remarry. This patur will need to be shown to the Rabbi who will perform any future wedding.
Because the Get is a form of divorce, than any financial issues must also be resolved. We wait to deliver a Get until after the Secular divorce is final so all financial issues are resolved. When either the Husband or Wife refuse to accept the Get, the Get can not go forward. Such a couple remain married and can not remarry until the Get is delivered. Do not think that this can be used by one party to blackmail the other. There are ways for both the Husband and Wife to end the marriage without permission. These procedures are longer and harder but can be done. It is far simpler and easier for everyone when both parties, who already have a civil divorce, take care of the Jewish Divorce at the same time.
We can see how much easier it would be if all three parts of the process were done at the same time. It would take a few hours but we would need only one bet din and the Messader Gittin would not need a Shaliach. And yet, given modern divorce there are good reasons to divide the ceremony. First, often the Husband and Wife are no longer speaking to each other (or are not speaking civilized to each other) and it is better to keep them apart to prevent additional insults. Second, in our modern times, the Messader Gitten can be half way across the country and we can move the Get by overnight courier which helps make sure that the Messader Gittin for each community is qualified and well trained. We do not need the less qualified Rabbi just because he is in town. Finally, when the Husband and Wife were together, many Rabbis would try and reconcile the couple before they would write the Get. This was a major insult to both parties, who, having completed the Civil Divorce, were no longer interested in being together. It was particularly difficult when one of the parties was the victim of domestic violence. This three part process insures that each party is treated with dignity and there is little space for venting anger and resentment..
Next week: When Passover Falls on Saturday Night
Brenda Horowitz asks:
Is the concept of pikuach nefesh to be invoked only when the person is facing certain (or near certain) death? Or can it also be applied to circumstances when the contemplated action will improve the person's quality of life . . . or perhaps even when it will only serve to make the person more comfortable?
I reply:
Pekuach nefesh, saving a life, applies only when the person is in danger of his or her life. Even if the danger is suspected or not certain, we take the course that will certainly prolong life. Improving the quality of life or making the person comfortable fall under the category of medical healing which is required by Jewish law if the person will have a greater quality of life or if that person can be made more comfortable
April 11, 2005 - Number 5765-27
Judaism and Divorce II: The Procedure of Divorce
Until modern times, the procedure for Jewish Divorce was performed on the same day. The initiation of the Get, the writing of the Get, the delivery of the get was all done with all the parties present. Today, for many reasons, we have divided the process into three distinct parts that happen at three different times. Thus it can take up to a month to complete the process, and yet this should be viewed as a step forward in Jewish ritual. Let us examine the three parts and then we will discuss the change.
The initiation of a get can be done by either the Husband or the Wife by going to a Rabbi and asking for a Get. It is that simple. Most Conservative Rabbis will not write a get themselves, but have associated themselves with an expert in Gittin (the Plural of Get) called a "Messader Gittin". Each Messader Gitten has a form that will need to be filled out. The information required is simple. We need the English name of the Husband and Wife, and all other legal and nicknames that both of them use on a regular basis (i.e. Robert, Rob, Bob, Bobby or Elaine, Elly, El, Lanie etc.) We will need the Hebrew/Yiddish name for the Husband and Wife as well as the Hebrew name of their Father. We will also need each father’s English name and all the legal and nicknames that the father uses on a regular basis. We will need to know if either party is a cohen or levi, if either party converted to Judaism. We will need the address and phone number of both the Husband and wife. We will need to know the date of the civil divorce and when and in which court it was recorded. We will need the English and Hebrew name of the Rabbi who will be delivering the Get. This may be the same Rabbi who is being called to initiate the get but if the wife is in a different city, it may be her Rabbi or a Rabbi who lives close by.
The Rabbi will also collect the money to pay for the Get at this time.
Before the information can be sent to Mesader Gittin, to write the Get, the Rabbi must call in the Husband and have him sign the form that he understands that a Get will be written and that he authorizes this writing and will not, in the future, rescind this authorization. His signature must be witnessed by two qualified witnesses that are not related to the Husband ( Usually the Rabbi and someone from his congregation will serve as witnesses). All of this is sent to the Mesader Gittin.
In the second part, the Get is actually Written. The Messader Gittin calls together a Bet Din, a Rabbinical Court that will oversee this Get. They commission a scribe to write the Get itself. The get is written on parchment with a quill pen. By tradition it has twelve lines. It states the location where the get is being written, not only the name of the city but a nearby mountain or river that will help locate the get. The language is basically the reverse language of the ketuba, the wedding contract. And states that the husband and wife are no longer in a "sanctified" relationship. It is signed by two witnesses from the Bet Din. A get is folded in a special way for delivery. Another form, a Haarsha-ah is created to identify that Get. It contains the names of those in the get and also a code by which the Get can be identified. It names the Messader Gitten as in charge of its delivery and any other Rabbis who will aid in delivering it. A blank form, "Record of Delivery" is enclosed with the Get and the package is sent to the Rabbi who will be delivering the Get.
The Rabbi who will deliver the Get then calls in the Wife. He also calls together a Bet Din of three people who are not related to the Husband, Wife or the Rabbi who is delivering the Get (The Rabbi is the Shaliach or Messenger of the original Bet Din from when the Get was written). The wife may bring a friend or relative to accompany her. First, the identity of the wife must be established by ID or if she is personally known to the Rabbi. Next the Hasha-ah and the Get are examined to make sure that the right Get is to be delivered. The main concerns about delivery are that the right people and the right Get come together. If not the couple are still married and that would be a disaster! Great care goes into making sure that all parts of the delivery are correct. The Get is read aloud, re-folded and given to the Shaliach. The Wife takes off any rings she is wearing and stands up. The Shaliach makes a declaration that by accepting this Get from her Husband she will be divorced and free to remarry if she chooses. He places the get in her cupped hands, and she walks a few steps toward the door to indicate that she has accepted the Get. She then gives the Get to the Bet Din who fill out the Record of Delivery form and return the entire package, Get, Haarsha-ah and Record of Delivery, to the Messader Gitten. When the Messader Gitten receives the package, he cuts the get to indicate it has been delivered, and issues a "patur" to the Husband to the Wife indicating that the divorce is finished and both are free to remarry. This patur will need to be shown to the Rabbi who will perform any future wedding.
Because the Get is a form of divorce, than any financial issues must also be resolved. We wait to deliver a Get until after the Secular divorce is final so all financial issues are resolved. When either the Husband or Wife refuse to accept the Get, the Get can not go forward. Such a couple remain married and can not remarry until the Get is delivered. Do not think that this can be used by one party to blackmail the other. There are ways for both the Husband and Wife to end the marriage without permission. These procedures are longer and harder but can be done. It is far simpler and easier for everyone when both parties, who already have a civil divorce, take care of the Jewish Divorce at the same time.
We can see how much easier it would be if all three parts of the process were done at the same time. It would take a few hours but we would need only one bet din and the Messader Gittin would not need a Shaliach. And yet, given modern divorce there are good reasons to divide the ceremony. First, often the Husband and Wife are no longer speaking to each other (or are not speaking civilized to each other) and it is better to keep them apart to prevent additional insults. Second, in our modern times, the Messader Gitten can be half way across the country and we can move the Get by overnight courier which helps make sure that the Messader Gittin for each community is qualified and well trained. We do not need the less qualified Rabbi just because he is in town. Finally, when the Husband and Wife were together, many Rabbis would try and reconcile the couple before they would write the Get. This was a major insult to both parties, who, having completed the Civil Divorce, were no longer interested in being together. It was particularly difficult when one of the parties was the victim of domestic violence. This three part process insures that each party is treated with dignity and there is little space for venting anger and resentment..
Next week: When Passover Falls on Saturday Night
Brenda Horowitz asks:
Is the concept of pikuach nefesh to be invoked only when the person is facing certain (or near certain) death? Or can it also be applied to circumstances when the contemplated action will improve the person's quality of life . . . or perhaps even when it will only serve to make the person more comfortable?
I reply:
Pekuach nefesh, saving a life, applies only when the person is in danger of his or her life. Even if the danger is suspected or not certain, we take the course that will certainly prolong life. Improving the quality of life or making the person comfortable fall under the category of medical healing which is required by Jewish law if the person will have a greater quality of life or if that person can be made more comfortable
Monday, April 4, 2005
HMSD 5765-26: Judaism and Divorce
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
April 4, 2005 - Number 5765-26
Judaism and Divorce
Deuteronomy 24:1 clearly states that divorce is possible under Jewish Law. It states simply "When a man takes a wife and possesses her. She fails to please him because he finds something obnoxious about her, and he writes her a bill of divorcement , hands it to her and sends her away from his house." Here we have the rough form of what Divorce is all about in Judaism. These verses are also very difficult to understand. They leave many questions. "Does there have to be a reason for the man to divorce his wife? What is a "bill of Divorcement"? What does it say? What happens if the husband can’t write the document? Can someone else write it for him? What if the wife is not present, can someone accept it for her? Can either side be forced to participate in the get? Jewish Law tries to answer these questions and to dispel some myths about Jewish Divorce as well.
Deuteronomy sets the procedure as needing to come from the husband and end up with the wife. This is in keeping with ancient marriage practices where the husband "acquires" a wife. Now he will have to "unacquire" her through Divorce. The first myth is that only a man can initiate a divorce. Either party can initiate a divorce in Judaism that is, either side can ask for and end to the marriage. In order to end the marriage, the bill of divorcement must travel from husband to wife. This makes divorce, in Judaism, "no fault" While civil laws may determine if there are grounds for divorce, Jewish law only follows the law of the land. Either party can petition for a divorce and give no reason other than they no longer want to live together.
Divorce is not a sin in Judaism, but it is no great honor either. Judaism has a bias toward marriage and tries to get couples to reconcile. In modern times, when there is secular divorce, this reconciliation counseling is no longer needed. If the couple have divorced under secular law, There is no longer a reason to attempt the bring the couple together again. Since the marriage had a religious ceremony, then that ceremony must be reversed in a religious divorce ceremony. A secular divorce is not enough to permit remarriage in Jewish law.
Divorce in Judaism is a subset of Jewish Law that demands experts to oversee the process. Any rabbi can perform a marriage, but only a specially trained Rabbi can oversee a get. The reason is that if a Rabbi makes an error in a wedding, so the couple will be remarried and everything will be OK. In the case of divorce, if an error is made, the couple are still married, and if one party has remarried another person, they are guilt of adultery and if they have children, the children would be subject to "mamzerut" (a topic for a different time) Therefore the entire procedure is very formal so that there will be little the can go wrong.
The second Myth is that only the woman needs the get. In fact, a Rabbi will not perform a marriage to either a man or a woman who do not have a get terminating all previous marriages. The time to take care of the get is immediately after the civil divorce is final. It is possible to arrange for a get even years after the civil divorce is final, but it is often harder and can reopen old wounds. Many try and address issues where they feel they have been "wronged" by the civil courts and demand money and property before they will agree to the get. This is pure blackmail and the Rabbinic courts frown on this. The reason a get is written and delivered after the civil divorce is final is to prevent these financial issues from causing delays. To this end, many couples write into the civil agreement that withing a set time after the divorce is final in the civil courts, the couple must finish a Jewish Divorce as well. This may allow the civil courts from enforcing the participation in the Jewish Divorce since it is a stipulation in the civil divorce decree. It is best to consult a lawyer about this practice.
Once a divorce is final, and the parties remarry, if both parties should then divorce a second time, they are forbidden to remarry each other. Some authorities see this law as a way to prevent a husband from using his wife for prostitution.
When a Jew marries a non-Jew or a close relative who is forbidden to him by Jewish law, no get is necessary, the marriage is forbidden from the beginning and has no validity at all in Jewish Law. If a Jew marries a woman who has converted either before or after the wedding, or who lives with a Jewish woman without marriage but introduces the woman as "his wife", these marriages are valid and do require a get.
Next week: Judaism and Divorce II: The Procedure of Divorce.
Brenda Horowitz comments about HMS 5765-23: You might want to comment on the following points about conversion:
Naming -- Many parents who adopt and convert infants use the adoptive parents' names, rather than Abraham/Sarah. That is, the child is X ben/bat adoptive dad v' adoptive mom
Special naming issues when either adoptive parent is a Cohan or Levi -- How do you state the child's name in a way that makes it clear that the child is not a Cohen/Levi, but the adoptive parent is? Are there any special considerations when the family also includes biological children, who DO inherit the Cohen/Levi tribal status?
Finalizing the conversion -- We are allowed to convert a child under the assumption that it is in his/her best interest; however, since it was done without his/her consent, it is considered conditional until the child formally accepts it upon/by becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah.
Perceptions of adoption and conversion in the Jewish community, especially in the case of interracial adoptions.
I respond: Brenda is correct about names, we try and use the names of Jewish parents when naming children who must be converted to Judaism. As for her other questions: There is no way to differentiate between the adoptive and non-adopted children of a Cohen or Levi. The child can only be informed that the title can not pass down to him or her. One can not convert anyone to Judaism without his or her consent. This would require a child to be legal age before the conversion would be finished. We make sure that circumcision (for boys) and immersion is performed as early as possible and we arrange for a proper Jewish education. At legal age (the time of Bar/Bat Mitzvah) the child does have the choice to continue as a Jew or "opt out" of our religion. Since Judaism does not recognize conversion out of Judaism, we can not put someone into Judaism without their consent and knowledge, even a child. The declaration to remain does not have to be formal. If the child were to have a Bar/Bat Mitzvah that would be evidence that they intend to remain Jewish and the conversion would be valid from the time of the immersion.
Finally, a Jew who converts to Judaism is a Jew. He or she is not a "convert" or anything less than a Jew. Racial, gender or any other issues have no bearing on this. Anyone who would comment on the background of any Jew who converted is guilty of a great sin, public embarrassment, and should be censored.
April 4, 2005 - Number 5765-26
Judaism and Divorce
Deuteronomy 24:1 clearly states that divorce is possible under Jewish Law. It states simply "When a man takes a wife and possesses her. She fails to please him because he finds something obnoxious about her, and he writes her a bill of divorcement , hands it to her and sends her away from his house." Here we have the rough form of what Divorce is all about in Judaism. These verses are also very difficult to understand. They leave many questions. "Does there have to be a reason for the man to divorce his wife? What is a "bill of Divorcement"? What does it say? What happens if the husband can’t write the document? Can someone else write it for him? What if the wife is not present, can someone accept it for her? Can either side be forced to participate in the get? Jewish Law tries to answer these questions and to dispel some myths about Jewish Divorce as well.
Deuteronomy sets the procedure as needing to come from the husband and end up with the wife. This is in keeping with ancient marriage practices where the husband "acquires" a wife. Now he will have to "unacquire" her through Divorce. The first myth is that only a man can initiate a divorce. Either party can initiate a divorce in Judaism that is, either side can ask for and end to the marriage. In order to end the marriage, the bill of divorcement must travel from husband to wife. This makes divorce, in Judaism, "no fault" While civil laws may determine if there are grounds for divorce, Jewish law only follows the law of the land. Either party can petition for a divorce and give no reason other than they no longer want to live together.
Divorce is not a sin in Judaism, but it is no great honor either. Judaism has a bias toward marriage and tries to get couples to reconcile. In modern times, when there is secular divorce, this reconciliation counseling is no longer needed. If the couple have divorced under secular law, There is no longer a reason to attempt the bring the couple together again. Since the marriage had a religious ceremony, then that ceremony must be reversed in a religious divorce ceremony. A secular divorce is not enough to permit remarriage in Jewish law.
Divorce in Judaism is a subset of Jewish Law that demands experts to oversee the process. Any rabbi can perform a marriage, but only a specially trained Rabbi can oversee a get. The reason is that if a Rabbi makes an error in a wedding, so the couple will be remarried and everything will be OK. In the case of divorce, if an error is made, the couple are still married, and if one party has remarried another person, they are guilt of adultery and if they have children, the children would be subject to "mamzerut" (a topic for a different time) Therefore the entire procedure is very formal so that there will be little the can go wrong.
The second Myth is that only the woman needs the get. In fact, a Rabbi will not perform a marriage to either a man or a woman who do not have a get terminating all previous marriages. The time to take care of the get is immediately after the civil divorce is final. It is possible to arrange for a get even years after the civil divorce is final, but it is often harder and can reopen old wounds. Many try and address issues where they feel they have been "wronged" by the civil courts and demand money and property before they will agree to the get. This is pure blackmail and the Rabbinic courts frown on this. The reason a get is written and delivered after the civil divorce is final is to prevent these financial issues from causing delays. To this end, many couples write into the civil agreement that withing a set time after the divorce is final in the civil courts, the couple must finish a Jewish Divorce as well. This may allow the civil courts from enforcing the participation in the Jewish Divorce since it is a stipulation in the civil divorce decree. It is best to consult a lawyer about this practice.
Once a divorce is final, and the parties remarry, if both parties should then divorce a second time, they are forbidden to remarry each other. Some authorities see this law as a way to prevent a husband from using his wife for prostitution.
When a Jew marries a non-Jew or a close relative who is forbidden to him by Jewish law, no get is necessary, the marriage is forbidden from the beginning and has no validity at all in Jewish Law. If a Jew marries a woman who has converted either before or after the wedding, or who lives with a Jewish woman without marriage but introduces the woman as "his wife", these marriages are valid and do require a get.
Next week: Judaism and Divorce II: The Procedure of Divorce.
Brenda Horowitz comments about HMS 5765-23: You might want to comment on the following points about conversion:
Naming -- Many parents who adopt and convert infants use the adoptive parents' names, rather than Abraham/Sarah. That is, the child is X ben/bat adoptive dad v' adoptive mom
Special naming issues when either adoptive parent is a Cohan or Levi -- How do you state the child's name in a way that makes it clear that the child is not a Cohen/Levi, but the adoptive parent is? Are there any special considerations when the family also includes biological children, who DO inherit the Cohen/Levi tribal status?
Finalizing the conversion -- We are allowed to convert a child under the assumption that it is in his/her best interest; however, since it was done without his/her consent, it is considered conditional until the child formally accepts it upon/by becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah.
Perceptions of adoption and conversion in the Jewish community, especially in the case of interracial adoptions.
I respond: Brenda is correct about names, we try and use the names of Jewish parents when naming children who must be converted to Judaism. As for her other questions: There is no way to differentiate between the adoptive and non-adopted children of a Cohen or Levi. The child can only be informed that the title can not pass down to him or her. One can not convert anyone to Judaism without his or her consent. This would require a child to be legal age before the conversion would be finished. We make sure that circumcision (for boys) and immersion is performed as early as possible and we arrange for a proper Jewish education. At legal age (the time of Bar/Bat Mitzvah) the child does have the choice to continue as a Jew or "opt out" of our religion. Since Judaism does not recognize conversion out of Judaism, we can not put someone into Judaism without their consent and knowledge, even a child. The declaration to remain does not have to be formal. If the child were to have a Bar/Bat Mitzvah that would be evidence that they intend to remain Jewish and the conversion would be valid from the time of the immersion.
Finally, a Jew who converts to Judaism is a Jew. He or she is not a "convert" or anything less than a Jew. Racial, gender or any other issues have no bearing on this. Anyone who would comment on the background of any Jew who converted is guilty of a great sin, public embarrassment, and should be censored.
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