Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
December 20, 2004 - Number 5765-13
The Place of Torah in the Structure of Jewish Law
While the Torah, is the most central document of Judaism, the "constitution" as it were, of all of Jewish law, There is more to Jewish texts than just the Torah just as there are more American legal texts than just our constitution and bill of rights. The Torah consists of the five books of Moses, and thus it is also called the "Humash" from the Hebrew, "Hamesh" meaning, "the Five". These books trace the History of our people from the creation of the world to the final days of Moses just before our ancestor’s entered the land of promise. These books contain the origin, not only of our History, but of our Law as well. Almost all of Jewish law traces itself back to verses in the Torah.
But Jewish History, or Jewish law for that matter, did not end with the People of Israel entering the land of their ancestors. Beginning with the book of Joshua, the story continues, about how the people conquered the land from the Canaanites and how they built their cities. Followed by the book of Judges, Samuel and Kings, these chapters chronicle the rise and fall of our people as they struggled to stay faithful to G-d in a new land and with a new life. No longer wandering nomads, the People are now settled into towns and cities and must make treaties and trade agreements with foreign governments. As they move from tribal judges to religious leaders to a monarchy, a class of prophets also rises to remind the people of their religious duties in the face of their political ambitions. Early prophets do not fear to reprimand a king or to speak out against sin, no matter how popular their message may be. The greatest example of this is the Prophet Elijah on Mt. Carmel where he stands alone before 400 pagan priests and in one moment turns the tide of the faith of the people away from idolatry to the worship of the G-d of Israel’s ancestors. As the political winds shift from the Egyptian empire to the new empires of Assyria and Babylon, the role of the Prophet is to make sense of the shifting political realities and to bring the people back to the worship of our G-d.
With the exile of our people to Babylonia, one would think the creative period of Ancient Israel was over. The Jewish G-d, however, is not like the pagan gods, who are limited to one place. G-d is with Israel in exile and is with Israel as Babylon yields to the Persian empire and the Israel returns from captivity. With the leadership of the last prophet, Ezra and the governor, Nehemiah, Israel slowly becomes the "Judaism" that we know today. The last books of the Bible, the "Writings" comes together. Some of these are historical books that bring Jewish history up to date. The others are popular stories that have important lessons for the Jewish people. Ruth, explains the genealogy of King David; The book of Esther is about Jewish life in Persia (and the holiday of Purim) and the Song of Songs, a long love poem, becomes a metaphor for the love of Israel for G-d. It is the Rabbis of the Talmud who close the "Writings" to new works and thus "canonize" the Bible. The bible they describe is the same bible we use today, we call it "TaNacH" the acrostic of "Torah, Neviim, Ketuvim" or Torah, Prophets and Writings.
The stories that did not make our bible were collected together to form a collection called the "Apocrypha" There are many reasons these stories did not make the Bible. Some are historically questionable. Some have no real moral or ethical lesson to teach. Some were too bloody, or were about parts of Jewish History that were not ready for prime time. The books of Maccabees containing the Hanukkah stories is part of this collection. The Sages were not big fans of the Hasmonean family and felt that the military victory was not worthy of a religious collection. Hanukkah is the first holiday on the Jewish calendar that does not have biblical connection. It would remain the only such holiday until modern times when Yom Hashoah (Holocaust Remembrance Day), Yom HaAtzmaut (Israel Independence Day) and Yom Yerushalayim (Jerusalem Reunification Day) have been added to the calendar.
In spite of its "extra biblical" nature, Hanukkah remains a well loved and popularly observed festival. The Talmud notes that there was a more ancient midwinter festival that involved the lighting of candles and there are several reasons that the holiday would last eight days. Some say it is because the oil that was placed in the Menorah in the rededicated Temple in Jerusalem lasted for eight days. Others say the Hasmonians wanted to celebrate the last holiday they missed before capturing the Temple, and that would be the eight days of Sukkot. Still others note that all dedication ceremonies of the Temple were eight days long and that is why this Festival of Dedication (Hanukkah) is eight days long. Biblical holidays always have clear meanings and rituals, Hanukkah, being extra-biblical, has more flexibility and thus there are more questions and explanations as to its origins and laws.
Monday, December 20, 2004
Monday, December 13, 2004
HMS 5765-12: Torah, Bible and Apocrypha
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
December 13, 2004 - Number 5765-12
Torah, Bible and Apocrypha
While the Torah, is the most central document of Judaism, the "constitution" as it were, of all of Jewish law, There is more to Jewish texts than just the Torah just as there are more American legal texts than just our constitution and bill of rights. The Torah consists of the five books of Moses, and thus it is also called the "Humash" from the Hebrew, "Hamesh" meaning, "the Five". These books trace the History of our people from the creation of the world to the final days of Moses just before our ancestor’s entered the land of promise. These books contain the origin, not only of our History, but of our Law as well. Almost all of Jewish law traces itself back to verses in the Torah.
But Jewish History, or Jewish law for that matter, did not end with the People of Israel entering the land of their ancestors. Beginning with the book of Joshua, the story continues, about how the people conquered the land from the Canaanites and how they built their cities. Followed by the book of Judges, Samuel and Kings, these chapters chronicle the rise and fall of our people as they struggled to stay faithful to G-d in a new land and with a new life. No longer wandering nomads, the People are now settled into towns and cities and must make treaties and trade agreements with foreign governments. As they move from tribal judges to religious leaders to a monarchy, a class of prophets also rises to remind the people of their religious duties in the face of their political ambitions. Early prophets do not fear to reprimand a king or to speak out against sin, no matter how popular their message may be. The greatest example of this is the Prophet Elijah on Mt. Carmel where he stands alone before 400 pagan priests and in one moment turns the tide of the faith of the people away from idolatry to the worship of the G-d of Israel’s ancestors. As the political winds shift from the Egyptian empire to the new empires of Assyria and Babylon, the role of the Prophet is to make sense of the shifting political realities and to bring the people back to the worship of our G-d.
With the exile of our people to Babylonia, one would think the creative period of Ancient Israel was over. The Jewish G-d, however, is not like the pagan gods, who are limited to one place. G-d is with Israel in exile and is with Israel as Babylon yields to the Persian empire and the Israel returns from captivity. With the leadership of the last prophet, Ezra and the governor, Nehemiah, Israel slowly becomes the "Judaism" that we know today. The last books of the Bible, the "Writings" comes together. Some of these are historical books that bring Jewish history up to date. The others are popular stories that have important lessons for the Jewish people. Ruth, explains the genealogy of King David; The book of Esther is about Jewish life in Persia (and the holiday of Purim) and the Song of Songs, a long love poem, becomes a metaphor for the love of Israel for G-d. It is the Rabbis of the Talmud who close the "Writings" to new works and thus "canonize" the Bible. The bible they describe is the same bible we use today, we call it "TaNacH" the acrostic of "Torah, Neviim, Ketuvim" or Torah, Prophets and Writings.
The stories that did not make our bible were collected together to form a collection called the "Apocrypha" There are many reasons these stories did not make the Bible. Some are historically questionable. Some have no real moral or ethical lesson to teach. Some were too bloody, or were about parts of Jewish History that were not ready for prime time. The books of Maccabees containing the Hanukkah stories is part of this collection. The Sages were not big fans of the Hasmonean family and felt that the military victory was not worthy of a religious collection. Hanukkah is the first holiday on the Jewish calendar that does not have biblical connection. It would remain the only such holiday until modern times when Yom Hashoah (Holocaust Remembrance Day), Yom HaAtzmaut (Israel Independence Day) and Yom Yerushalayim (Jerusalem Reunification Day) have been added to the calendar.
In spite of its "extra biblical" nature, Hanukkah remains a well loved and popularly observed festival. The Talmud notes that there was a more ancient midwinter festival that involved the lighting of candles and there are several reasons that the holiday would last eight days. Some say it is because the oil that was placed in the Menorah in the rededicated Temple in Jerusalem lasted for eight days. Others say the Hasmonians wanted to celebrate the last holiday they missed before capturing the Temple, and that would be the eight days of Sukkot. Still others note that all dedication ceremonies of the Temple were eight days long and that is why this Festival of Dedication (Hanukkah) is eight days long. Biblical holidays always have clear meanings and rituals, Hanukkah, being extra-biblical, has more flexibility and thus there are more questions and explanations as to its origins and laws.
Happy Hanukkah to everyone.
Next week: The Place of Torah in the Structure of Jewish Law.
December 13, 2004 - Number 5765-12
Torah, Bible and Apocrypha
While the Torah, is the most central document of Judaism, the "constitution" as it were, of all of Jewish law, There is more to Jewish texts than just the Torah just as there are more American legal texts than just our constitution and bill of rights. The Torah consists of the five books of Moses, and thus it is also called the "Humash" from the Hebrew, "Hamesh" meaning, "the Five". These books trace the History of our people from the creation of the world to the final days of Moses just before our ancestor’s entered the land of promise. These books contain the origin, not only of our History, but of our Law as well. Almost all of Jewish law traces itself back to verses in the Torah.
But Jewish History, or Jewish law for that matter, did not end with the People of Israel entering the land of their ancestors. Beginning with the book of Joshua, the story continues, about how the people conquered the land from the Canaanites and how they built their cities. Followed by the book of Judges, Samuel and Kings, these chapters chronicle the rise and fall of our people as they struggled to stay faithful to G-d in a new land and with a new life. No longer wandering nomads, the People are now settled into towns and cities and must make treaties and trade agreements with foreign governments. As they move from tribal judges to religious leaders to a monarchy, a class of prophets also rises to remind the people of their religious duties in the face of their political ambitions. Early prophets do not fear to reprimand a king or to speak out against sin, no matter how popular their message may be. The greatest example of this is the Prophet Elijah on Mt. Carmel where he stands alone before 400 pagan priests and in one moment turns the tide of the faith of the people away from idolatry to the worship of the G-d of Israel’s ancestors. As the political winds shift from the Egyptian empire to the new empires of Assyria and Babylon, the role of the Prophet is to make sense of the shifting political realities and to bring the people back to the worship of our G-d.
With the exile of our people to Babylonia, one would think the creative period of Ancient Israel was over. The Jewish G-d, however, is not like the pagan gods, who are limited to one place. G-d is with Israel in exile and is with Israel as Babylon yields to the Persian empire and the Israel returns from captivity. With the leadership of the last prophet, Ezra and the governor, Nehemiah, Israel slowly becomes the "Judaism" that we know today. The last books of the Bible, the "Writings" comes together. Some of these are historical books that bring Jewish history up to date. The others are popular stories that have important lessons for the Jewish people. Ruth, explains the genealogy of King David; The book of Esther is about Jewish life in Persia (and the holiday of Purim) and the Song of Songs, a long love poem, becomes a metaphor for the love of Israel for G-d. It is the Rabbis of the Talmud who close the "Writings" to new works and thus "canonize" the Bible. The bible they describe is the same bible we use today, we call it "TaNacH" the acrostic of "Torah, Neviim, Ketuvim" or Torah, Prophets and Writings.
The stories that did not make our bible were collected together to form a collection called the "Apocrypha" There are many reasons these stories did not make the Bible. Some are historically questionable. Some have no real moral or ethical lesson to teach. Some were too bloody, or were about parts of Jewish History that were not ready for prime time. The books of Maccabees containing the Hanukkah stories is part of this collection. The Sages were not big fans of the Hasmonean family and felt that the military victory was not worthy of a religious collection. Hanukkah is the first holiday on the Jewish calendar that does not have biblical connection. It would remain the only such holiday until modern times when Yom Hashoah (Holocaust Remembrance Day), Yom HaAtzmaut (Israel Independence Day) and Yom Yerushalayim (Jerusalem Reunification Day) have been added to the calendar.
In spite of its "extra biblical" nature, Hanukkah remains a well loved and popularly observed festival. The Talmud notes that there was a more ancient midwinter festival that involved the lighting of candles and there are several reasons that the holiday would last eight days. Some say it is because the oil that was placed in the Menorah in the rededicated Temple in Jerusalem lasted for eight days. Others say the Hasmonians wanted to celebrate the last holiday they missed before capturing the Temple, and that would be the eight days of Sukkot. Still others note that all dedication ceremonies of the Temple were eight days long and that is why this Festival of Dedication (Hanukkah) is eight days long. Biblical holidays always have clear meanings and rituals, Hanukkah, being extra-biblical, has more flexibility and thus there are more questions and explanations as to its origins and laws.
Happy Hanukkah to everyone.
Next week: The Place of Torah in the Structure of Jewish Law.
Monday, December 6, 2004
HMS 5765-11 Jewish Values at Work
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
December 6, 2004 - Number 5765-11
Jewish Values at Work
Day after day we read in the news about one company or another in trouble with its investors or its customers for unethical practices. The Phenomena is hardly new. The Talmud records many court cases brought by employees and laborers against practices that they felt were unfair. Many of these cases remind us of what we see today in the workplace. While one can make a general rule that the Sages of the Talmud worked hard to defend the rights of workers, they also took a look at the responsibilities of consumers as well.
The first concern in Jewish Law is for the owner of property. Once a person took possession of property, he or she was fully responsible for it. If someone were to do them a favor and look after it, they had only limited liability if something should happen to it that was not in their control. On the other hand, if one rented that object, then they had full liability if something should happen.
One could not open a store that would be in direct competition with another shopkeeper if it would take away the first storekeeper’s business. One could only go into competition if the first seller had more business than he or she could handle.
There are many cases where the Sages changed Jewish law to prevent price gouging. There was a limit to the markup a storekeeper could charge without having to refund the difference if the buyer challenged the price paid in court.
Owners were responsible for their animals as well. If a ox would gore a person or another ox, if the animal was a first time offender, the owner was let off with a warning to tie the animal securely. If the animal was known to gore, than the owner had full liability for any damages it caused.
If someone were to buy an object and take delivery later, the seller must protect the property of the buyer until it is delivered. Otherwise the seller is liable for damages.
The Rabbis also reminded sellers that good customer service would bring back buyers. They were advised to go beyond the letter of the law and not take every advantage they could from their customers. There is a famous story of Rabbi Yochanan ben Zakkai who bought a Donkey from an arab vendor. When it was delivered, a valuable gem was found hidden in the bridle. The students of the Rabbi were overjoyed since the donkey was sold with bridle. The Rabbi, however, asked the students if the Arab knew the gem was hidden in the bridle. "Of course not," said the students. "The gem is far more valuable than the donkey." "Then return the gem to the Arab," said the Rabbi, "Who am I to take advantage of the letter of the law." When the stone was returned the Arab was overjoyed and praised the Rabbi and the Jewish G-d whom the Rabbi served.
On the other hand, the Sages also reminded the customers that they should not ask a shop owner the price of an item on the shelf if he has no intention of buying. The owner has the right to expect one to buy the object if one is inquiring about the price.
Employees must be paid on time. In ancient days, they were paid at the end of every day. Some agricultural workers might be paid at the end of the season. To delay payment could cause severe hardship for the workers and their families. It was expected that workers would have time for lunch, and if they worked in an orchard, they could eat some of the fruit they had harvested and it would not come out of their pay. Hired workers were not financially responsible for unintended damage.
Landowners had a responsibility to feed the poor, The poor could enter their fields to reap the corners and to glean the dropped ears of grain. If a sheaf was forgotten, than the owner could not go back to get it unless it was clear that it was not forgotten but just not yet picked up. The owners could choose which poor people they would let into their fields. And the poor had to be careful not to damage the other fields that were not yet harvested.
From all of this we see a pattern of behavior in the marketplace that mirrored behavior in one’s personal life. Anytime people gather to conduct business, there will be conflicts in the marketplace. In any small town or city, there will be competition. But there is a line between competition and unethical behavior and the Sages tried to teach this through the law as well.
Next week: Torah, Bible and Apocrypha
December 6, 2004 - Number 5765-11
Jewish Values at Work
Day after day we read in the news about one company or another in trouble with its investors or its customers for unethical practices. The Phenomena is hardly new. The Talmud records many court cases brought by employees and laborers against practices that they felt were unfair. Many of these cases remind us of what we see today in the workplace. While one can make a general rule that the Sages of the Talmud worked hard to defend the rights of workers, they also took a look at the responsibilities of consumers as well.
The first concern in Jewish Law is for the owner of property. Once a person took possession of property, he or she was fully responsible for it. If someone were to do them a favor and look after it, they had only limited liability if something should happen to it that was not in their control. On the other hand, if one rented that object, then they had full liability if something should happen.
One could not open a store that would be in direct competition with another shopkeeper if it would take away the first storekeeper’s business. One could only go into competition if the first seller had more business than he or she could handle.
There are many cases where the Sages changed Jewish law to prevent price gouging. There was a limit to the markup a storekeeper could charge without having to refund the difference if the buyer challenged the price paid in court.
Owners were responsible for their animals as well. If a ox would gore a person or another ox, if the animal was a first time offender, the owner was let off with a warning to tie the animal securely. If the animal was known to gore, than the owner had full liability for any damages it caused.
If someone were to buy an object and take delivery later, the seller must protect the property of the buyer until it is delivered. Otherwise the seller is liable for damages.
The Rabbis also reminded sellers that good customer service would bring back buyers. They were advised to go beyond the letter of the law and not take every advantage they could from their customers. There is a famous story of Rabbi Yochanan ben Zakkai who bought a Donkey from an arab vendor. When it was delivered, a valuable gem was found hidden in the bridle. The students of the Rabbi were overjoyed since the donkey was sold with bridle. The Rabbi, however, asked the students if the Arab knew the gem was hidden in the bridle. "Of course not," said the students. "The gem is far more valuable than the donkey." "Then return the gem to the Arab," said the Rabbi, "Who am I to take advantage of the letter of the law." When the stone was returned the Arab was overjoyed and praised the Rabbi and the Jewish G-d whom the Rabbi served.
On the other hand, the Sages also reminded the customers that they should not ask a shop owner the price of an item on the shelf if he has no intention of buying. The owner has the right to expect one to buy the object if one is inquiring about the price.
Employees must be paid on time. In ancient days, they were paid at the end of every day. Some agricultural workers might be paid at the end of the season. To delay payment could cause severe hardship for the workers and their families. It was expected that workers would have time for lunch, and if they worked in an orchard, they could eat some of the fruit they had harvested and it would not come out of their pay. Hired workers were not financially responsible for unintended damage.
Landowners had a responsibility to feed the poor, The poor could enter their fields to reap the corners and to glean the dropped ears of grain. If a sheaf was forgotten, than the owner could not go back to get it unless it was clear that it was not forgotten but just not yet picked up. The owners could choose which poor people they would let into their fields. And the poor had to be careful not to damage the other fields that were not yet harvested.
From all of this we see a pattern of behavior in the marketplace that mirrored behavior in one’s personal life. Anytime people gather to conduct business, there will be conflicts in the marketplace. In any small town or city, there will be competition. But there is a line between competition and unethical behavior and the Sages tried to teach this through the law as well.
Next week: Torah, Bible and Apocrypha
Monday, November 29, 2004
HMS 5765-10 Jewish Spirituality for Children and Teens
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
November 29, 2004 - Number 5765-10
Jewish Spirituality for Children and Teens
Rabbis have taught for centuries that Jewish mysticism can only be taught when three conditions are met. To study Kabbalah, one has to be at least 40 years old, married and be the parent of at least one girl and one boy; and have a full "belly" of Torah. In other words, only when our other duties in life are fulfilled, we are mature, with a family and well versed in Judaism, can we begin to delve into the mysteries of G-d. Considering what some people will do for religion, it is a very practical way to insure that mysticism remains the study that is practiced by mature and wise people.
But the Sages also understood that everyone needs to contemplate G-d and the meaning of all life. Therefore, Judaism also teaches a concept called "normal mysticism". Normal mysticism is how we can find G-d in all the world that surrounds us and not by studying some ancient tome. Normal mysticism is finding G-d in a beautiful sunset, in a beautiful moment, in the eyes of a child and in acts of kindness. We don’t have to travel distant paths or learn from venerable sages. We need only to lift up our eyes to see the glory of G-d that surrounds us.
To call attention to these spiritual moments, Jews say blessings (berachot). A blessing is a way we acknowledge to G-d that we have understood the moment before us as a gift from G-d and we express our thanks for that moment. Almost anything can be a sacred moment and therefore Judaism has a blessing for everything.
There is an old story of the greatest miracle in history, the crossing of the Red Sea by the Jewish slaves fleeing from Pharaoh and his army. The entire Jewish People understood the meaning of that moment and were in awe of G-d’s power, all except for two men. These two men were upset that the seabed was not perfectly dry as they crossed to freedom. They were getting mud on their shoes just like they used to get mud on their shoes when they made bricks for Egypt. In their eyes, freedom and slavery were the same mud on their shoes. Imagine, they were in the presence of the greatest miracle of all time and all they could see was the mud on their shoes! Often, we are so upset over what is happening in our lives that we don’t see the miracles that surround us everyday.
One Rabbi I know taught preschool age children to understand G-d. He sat them in his lap and had them point out his nose, mouth, ears and eyes. Then he asked them to point to his "love". Just as love is real but can not be seen or touched, so too G-d’s love for us can be felt, even if we can not touch G-d.
Teens often ask why we don’t have miracles today like we did in ancient times. Of course we still have miracles, but the kind of miracles have changed. It is like the story of the man in a flood who turns down rescue by three boats because he insists that "G-d will save me" and so he drowns. And when he arrives before G-d in Heaven disappointed that G-d had failed him, G-d replies, "What do you want from me? ... I sent you three boats!" For the miracle to happen we have to often use our own hands and feet and to make them do G-d’s will.
Rabbi Lawrence Kushner compares life to pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that we try to assemble all of our lives. Only we don’t have all the pieces we need, and we have other pieces that we don’t need but are important to someone else. So we must go through life exchanging our thoughts and ideas, our knowledge and our wisdom so that we can get the pieces we need to complete our puzzle and to help others get the pieces they need to complete their puzzle as well. Rabbi Kushner concludes that each time we give one of out worthless pieces of the puzzle to someone else, we are emissaries of the Most High.
Can we teach our children about G-d? Of course we can. But first we need to make sure we know for ourselves what we believe about G-d. To teach our children, we need to make sure that we are comfortable with G-d as well. Once we can articulate for ourselves what G-d means in our life, only then can we help our children understand as well. Only when we know to whom we address our prayers, can we teach our children how to open their mouths in prayer. There are some great books to help us adults to understand what we mean when we are talking about G-d. Talk to your Rabbi, he can recommend some just for you.
Next week: Jewish Values at Work
November 29, 2004 - Number 5765-10
Jewish Spirituality for Children and Teens
Rabbis have taught for centuries that Jewish mysticism can only be taught when three conditions are met. To study Kabbalah, one has to be at least 40 years old, married and be the parent of at least one girl and one boy; and have a full "belly" of Torah. In other words, only when our other duties in life are fulfilled, we are mature, with a family and well versed in Judaism, can we begin to delve into the mysteries of G-d. Considering what some people will do for religion, it is a very practical way to insure that mysticism remains the study that is practiced by mature and wise people.
But the Sages also understood that everyone needs to contemplate G-d and the meaning of all life. Therefore, Judaism also teaches a concept called "normal mysticism". Normal mysticism is how we can find G-d in all the world that surrounds us and not by studying some ancient tome. Normal mysticism is finding G-d in a beautiful sunset, in a beautiful moment, in the eyes of a child and in acts of kindness. We don’t have to travel distant paths or learn from venerable sages. We need only to lift up our eyes to see the glory of G-d that surrounds us.
To call attention to these spiritual moments, Jews say blessings (berachot). A blessing is a way we acknowledge to G-d that we have understood the moment before us as a gift from G-d and we express our thanks for that moment. Almost anything can be a sacred moment and therefore Judaism has a blessing for everything.
There is an old story of the greatest miracle in history, the crossing of the Red Sea by the Jewish slaves fleeing from Pharaoh and his army. The entire Jewish People understood the meaning of that moment and were in awe of G-d’s power, all except for two men. These two men were upset that the seabed was not perfectly dry as they crossed to freedom. They were getting mud on their shoes just like they used to get mud on their shoes when they made bricks for Egypt. In their eyes, freedom and slavery were the same mud on their shoes. Imagine, they were in the presence of the greatest miracle of all time and all they could see was the mud on their shoes! Often, we are so upset over what is happening in our lives that we don’t see the miracles that surround us everyday.
One Rabbi I know taught preschool age children to understand G-d. He sat them in his lap and had them point out his nose, mouth, ears and eyes. Then he asked them to point to his "love". Just as love is real but can not be seen or touched, so too G-d’s love for us can be felt, even if we can not touch G-d.
Teens often ask why we don’t have miracles today like we did in ancient times. Of course we still have miracles, but the kind of miracles have changed. It is like the story of the man in a flood who turns down rescue by three boats because he insists that "G-d will save me" and so he drowns. And when he arrives before G-d in Heaven disappointed that G-d had failed him, G-d replies, "What do you want from me? ... I sent you three boats!" For the miracle to happen we have to often use our own hands and feet and to make them do G-d’s will.
Rabbi Lawrence Kushner compares life to pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that we try to assemble all of our lives. Only we don’t have all the pieces we need, and we have other pieces that we don’t need but are important to someone else. So we must go through life exchanging our thoughts and ideas, our knowledge and our wisdom so that we can get the pieces we need to complete our puzzle and to help others get the pieces they need to complete their puzzle as well. Rabbi Kushner concludes that each time we give one of out worthless pieces of the puzzle to someone else, we are emissaries of the Most High.
Can we teach our children about G-d? Of course we can. But first we need to make sure we know for ourselves what we believe about G-d. To teach our children, we need to make sure that we are comfortable with G-d as well. Once we can articulate for ourselves what G-d means in our life, only then can we help our children understand as well. Only when we know to whom we address our prayers, can we teach our children how to open their mouths in prayer. There are some great books to help us adults to understand what we mean when we are talking about G-d. Talk to your Rabbi, he can recommend some just for you.
Next week: Jewish Values at Work
Monday, November 22, 2004
HMS 5764-9; Jewish Education after the Bar/Bat Mitzvah
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
November 22, 2004 - Number 5765-9
Jewish Education after the Bar/Bat Mitzvah
There is an old myth that Jewish education can be stopped after the Bar or Bat Mitzvah. I guess it depends on how the parents see the goal of Jewish education. If Judaism is to be anything more than a quaint footnote in the family history, than the family must confront the continuing education of their children.
The most important part of a teenager’s Jewish education is the continuing education of his or her parents. Teens are very aware of cases of "do as I say, not as I do" and lose interest quickly when they do things that seem to play no role at all in the family life. Parents who attend synagogue regularly will find their children will want to attend with them, in the adult service. Parents who study will, with their lessons, inspire their children to study. While working for the Jewish community, on communal committees and organizations as a volunteer is crucial for the Jewish community, if the endless meetings will take a parent away from a student who needs parental imput, than it will work against strong Jewish connections in the children. This applies even to synagogue committees that are not connected to learning. Teens need to know that their life comes first, only later do we volunteer our time.
For teens, there are two kinds of Jewish Education. Formal and Informal. Formal Education refers to Judaica High School, Confirmation and College level Jewish studies classes. Jewish Day Schools, at the High School level often provide a quality secular education, with proper guidance programs for the college bound, with sophisticated Judaic studies in Talmud, Bible, Hebrew and Rabbinic Literature. Confirmation classes often have the additional benefit of studying with the Rabbi of their own congregation. Judaica High School offers a wide selection to "taste" the different aspects of Adult Jewish Studies as well as the possibility of adding education classes to earn a "Sunday School Teaching Certificate", which can be translated into a steady job when the student reaches college.
Informal Jewish Education includes Youth Groups, Summer Camps and Israel Programs. Youth Groups offer a selection of activities and travel opportunities that broaden the teen’s horizons. Summer camp offers a full immersion in Jewish Life for 4-8 weeks. Israel programs offer each teen a connection with the world wide Jewish community and a personal connection to their own faith. Older teens can also benefit from Eastern European tours that visit sites important to Judaism before and during the Holocaust. March of the Living, Ramah and USY all offer Eastern European tours for 11 and 12 graders.
Much of the life of a Teen is social. They are interested in expanding their circle of friends and dating also becomes a concern. In both formal and informal Jewish educational settings, there are many opportunities to enlarge the student’s circle of Jewish friends. It is from these circles that the pattern of later Jewish affiliation will grow. As the students interests in Jewish activities grows, this helps lead to affiliation at college with Jewish groups and later connections as a young adult. Studies have shown that Youth Groups, Israel Tours, Summer camp and Jewish Education all increase the chances that the young adult will stay connected to Judaism, that he or she will marry a Jewish partner and raise Jewish children.
When the time comes to select a college. The rule of thumb is "Large Universities in Large Cities" followed by "Large Universities in Small cities". Both of these will have significant numbers of Jewish students and will help a student stay involved in their faith while away at school. "Small Universities in Small Cities" is a recipe for disaster. Hillel, The Foundation for Jewish Life on Campus, puts out an annual guide to Judaism on College campus, with information about Judaic classes, Jewish organizations and total numbers of Jewish Students who attend. This should be part of the college selection process.
Parents may find that they will have to "insist" that a student continue in formal and informal Jewish educational settings for a while. There are many organizations that are fighting for the teens attention. By showing our preference early for Jewish organizations and classes, and our own connection to them, we will set the pattern that will last a lifetime. My father always reminded me of one warning: "you only get to make the decisions for your child for the first 15 years. After that, they make most of their own decisions. They will ask for advice, but your control over their life begins to quickly wane". If we set our standards early, our children will reap a lifetime of Jewish rewards.
Next week: Jewish Spirituality for Children and Teens
November 22, 2004 - Number 5765-9
Jewish Education after the Bar/Bat Mitzvah
There is an old myth that Jewish education can be stopped after the Bar or Bat Mitzvah. I guess it depends on how the parents see the goal of Jewish education. If Judaism is to be anything more than a quaint footnote in the family history, than the family must confront the continuing education of their children.
The most important part of a teenager’s Jewish education is the continuing education of his or her parents. Teens are very aware of cases of "do as I say, not as I do" and lose interest quickly when they do things that seem to play no role at all in the family life. Parents who attend synagogue regularly will find their children will want to attend with them, in the adult service. Parents who study will, with their lessons, inspire their children to study. While working for the Jewish community, on communal committees and organizations as a volunteer is crucial for the Jewish community, if the endless meetings will take a parent away from a student who needs parental imput, than it will work against strong Jewish connections in the children. This applies even to synagogue committees that are not connected to learning. Teens need to know that their life comes first, only later do we volunteer our time.
For teens, there are two kinds of Jewish Education. Formal and Informal. Formal Education refers to Judaica High School, Confirmation and College level Jewish studies classes. Jewish Day Schools, at the High School level often provide a quality secular education, with proper guidance programs for the college bound, with sophisticated Judaic studies in Talmud, Bible, Hebrew and Rabbinic Literature. Confirmation classes often have the additional benefit of studying with the Rabbi of their own congregation. Judaica High School offers a wide selection to "taste" the different aspects of Adult Jewish Studies as well as the possibility of adding education classes to earn a "Sunday School Teaching Certificate", which can be translated into a steady job when the student reaches college.
Informal Jewish Education includes Youth Groups, Summer Camps and Israel Programs. Youth Groups offer a selection of activities and travel opportunities that broaden the teen’s horizons. Summer camp offers a full immersion in Jewish Life for 4-8 weeks. Israel programs offer each teen a connection with the world wide Jewish community and a personal connection to their own faith. Older teens can also benefit from Eastern European tours that visit sites important to Judaism before and during the Holocaust. March of the Living, Ramah and USY all offer Eastern European tours for 11 and 12 graders.
Much of the life of a Teen is social. They are interested in expanding their circle of friends and dating also becomes a concern. In both formal and informal Jewish educational settings, there are many opportunities to enlarge the student’s circle of Jewish friends. It is from these circles that the pattern of later Jewish affiliation will grow. As the students interests in Jewish activities grows, this helps lead to affiliation at college with Jewish groups and later connections as a young adult. Studies have shown that Youth Groups, Israel Tours, Summer camp and Jewish Education all increase the chances that the young adult will stay connected to Judaism, that he or she will marry a Jewish partner and raise Jewish children.
When the time comes to select a college. The rule of thumb is "Large Universities in Large Cities" followed by "Large Universities in Small cities". Both of these will have significant numbers of Jewish students and will help a student stay involved in their faith while away at school. "Small Universities in Small Cities" is a recipe for disaster. Hillel, The Foundation for Jewish Life on Campus, puts out an annual guide to Judaism on College campus, with information about Judaic classes, Jewish organizations and total numbers of Jewish Students who attend. This should be part of the college selection process.
Parents may find that they will have to "insist" that a student continue in formal and informal Jewish educational settings for a while. There are many organizations that are fighting for the teens attention. By showing our preference early for Jewish organizations and classes, and our own connection to them, we will set the pattern that will last a lifetime. My father always reminded me of one warning: "you only get to make the decisions for your child for the first 15 years. After that, they make most of their own decisions. They will ask for advice, but your control over their life begins to quickly wane". If we set our standards early, our children will reap a lifetime of Jewish rewards.
Next week: Jewish Spirituality for Children and Teens
Monday, November 15, 2004
HMS 5765-8; Bar and Bat Mitzvah Parties
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
November 15, 2004 - Number 5765-8
Bar and Bat Mitzvah Parties
There has been much written about Bar Mitzvah parties over the centuries. Some has been complimentary and some has been critical. Whole books are written on how to plan a Bar or Bat Mitzvah party and much ink has been spilled crying over the sometimes excesses of these parties.
The party after the ceremony of Bar or Bat Mitzvah is a crucial part of the celebration and has a time honored past. It falls into the category of "Seudat Mitzvah" the "meal in celebration of a Mitzvah." Like any other Mitzvah, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah party is subject to the rule of "Hiddur Mitzvah", that is we enhance the Mitzvah by making it more beautiful. The point of the party is to rejoice with the family when their child attains the age of responsibility for the Mtizvot.
There is no "Halacha" concerning the party other than one should celebrate the Mitzvah. This means that all the different parts of the party that are in use today are only custom. Customs relating to parties change according to the culture and times in which the party takes place. One is free to follow local customs or not unless the community has set limits on parties in general. For example some communities may forbid mixed dancing at the party, or may insist on a certain location. Usually these limits are explained when the date for a Bar/Bat Mitzvah party is scheduled.
One of the most important customs is that the party should be Kosher, whether or not the family keeps Kosher in their home. Because of the connection between the party and the Mitzvah, one should keep the ritual part of the occasion strong by arranging for all food to be Kosher.
Throughout the medieval and modern periods, there has been literature about excesses at Seudot Mitzvah. That families were spending too much money on a party and were in danger of harming their financial situation. These have always proved hard to define and to enforce. It is however, important that the party be put into a proper perspective. The point of the celebration is to rejoice with the family and friends. This would be hard to do if the family is spending well beyond their means. A Bar/Bat Mitzvah party is not about being more extravagant than the neighbors, it is about doing something that will have meaning for the family and for the student who is the focus of the celebration. A small party at home can be as significant as a large party at a large catering hall. The size of the room, the number of guests, the theme of the party, the size of the band or the type of clothing required do not insure that the party will be a success. On the other hand, having guests that are important to the family, in a setting that is appropriate, with a theme that is in keeping with the interests of the student with good food and good music will provide everyone with a good time regardless of the exact cost.
Many students today also build their party around a Mitzvah project. Asking guests to bring items for the poor or handicapped, to have centerpieces on the tables that will provide food for the hungry or toys for sick children. Sometimes, in lieu of gifts, the family may request donations to a favorite charity. One should consult their Rabbi for project ideas.
There is no rules concerning candle lighting ceremonies or other ceremonies to honor special guests at the party. This is an opportunity to be very creative in finding a way to honor those who are an important part of the student’s life. It is appropriate for the student to choose who will be honored and to write the words that will honor that person. It is also appropriate, that at age 13, a student will need appropriate help from parents to do this properly. Many families also use this time for a "Bar/Bat Mitzvah speech" where the student thanks those who were his teachers and mentors in the course of his or her Jewish education. If the student did not do a D’var Torah at the service, this is another opportunity to gives some words of Torah. Parents may also use this event to offer a toast to their child for all that he or she has accomplished.
One can find many books about party "etiquette" to prevent major problems, but here are a few of my own:
Care should be taken that alcoholic beverages be served only to adults of legal age. Many people with drinking problems have told us that they got their start drinking by finishing the glasses of drinks people left on the table while dancing. Monitor adult drinking as well and make sure that those who drink too much do not drive.
All children should be appropriately supervised. Activities should keep all students in the room of the party at all times. Friends of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah who are known to cause trouble at parties should not be invited. I know this is hard, but it is the same children, at every party that ruin the event for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah and for the family.
Children should know to thank those who serve them and who entertain them. There is nothing more enjoyable than courtesy in children and adults.
The party should reflect the values of the family. Party themes, music and entertainment should be directed at the children in attendance. Raunchy attire, music, themes or speeches should be reviewed in advance carefully.
Next week: Jewish Education after the Bar/Bat Mitzvah
November 15, 2004 - Number 5765-8
Bar and Bat Mitzvah Parties
There has been much written about Bar Mitzvah parties over the centuries. Some has been complimentary and some has been critical. Whole books are written on how to plan a Bar or Bat Mitzvah party and much ink has been spilled crying over the sometimes excesses of these parties.
The party after the ceremony of Bar or Bat Mitzvah is a crucial part of the celebration and has a time honored past. It falls into the category of "Seudat Mitzvah" the "meal in celebration of a Mitzvah." Like any other Mitzvah, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah party is subject to the rule of "Hiddur Mitzvah", that is we enhance the Mitzvah by making it more beautiful. The point of the party is to rejoice with the family when their child attains the age of responsibility for the Mtizvot.
There is no "Halacha" concerning the party other than one should celebrate the Mitzvah. This means that all the different parts of the party that are in use today are only custom. Customs relating to parties change according to the culture and times in which the party takes place. One is free to follow local customs or not unless the community has set limits on parties in general. For example some communities may forbid mixed dancing at the party, or may insist on a certain location. Usually these limits are explained when the date for a Bar/Bat Mitzvah party is scheduled.
One of the most important customs is that the party should be Kosher, whether or not the family keeps Kosher in their home. Because of the connection between the party and the Mitzvah, one should keep the ritual part of the occasion strong by arranging for all food to be Kosher.
Throughout the medieval and modern periods, there has been literature about excesses at Seudot Mitzvah. That families were spending too much money on a party and were in danger of harming their financial situation. These have always proved hard to define and to enforce. It is however, important that the party be put into a proper perspective. The point of the celebration is to rejoice with the family and friends. This would be hard to do if the family is spending well beyond their means. A Bar/Bat Mitzvah party is not about being more extravagant than the neighbors, it is about doing something that will have meaning for the family and for the student who is the focus of the celebration. A small party at home can be as significant as a large party at a large catering hall. The size of the room, the number of guests, the theme of the party, the size of the band or the type of clothing required do not insure that the party will be a success. On the other hand, having guests that are important to the family, in a setting that is appropriate, with a theme that is in keeping with the interests of the student with good food and good music will provide everyone with a good time regardless of the exact cost.
Many students today also build their party around a Mitzvah project. Asking guests to bring items for the poor or handicapped, to have centerpieces on the tables that will provide food for the hungry or toys for sick children. Sometimes, in lieu of gifts, the family may request donations to a favorite charity. One should consult their Rabbi for project ideas.
There is no rules concerning candle lighting ceremonies or other ceremonies to honor special guests at the party. This is an opportunity to be very creative in finding a way to honor those who are an important part of the student’s life. It is appropriate for the student to choose who will be honored and to write the words that will honor that person. It is also appropriate, that at age 13, a student will need appropriate help from parents to do this properly. Many families also use this time for a "Bar/Bat Mitzvah speech" where the student thanks those who were his teachers and mentors in the course of his or her Jewish education. If the student did not do a D’var Torah at the service, this is another opportunity to gives some words of Torah. Parents may also use this event to offer a toast to their child for all that he or she has accomplished.
One can find many books about party "etiquette" to prevent major problems, but here are a few of my own:
Care should be taken that alcoholic beverages be served only to adults of legal age. Many people with drinking problems have told us that they got their start drinking by finishing the glasses of drinks people left on the table while dancing. Monitor adult drinking as well and make sure that those who drink too much do not drive.
All children should be appropriately supervised. Activities should keep all students in the room of the party at all times. Friends of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah who are known to cause trouble at parties should not be invited. I know this is hard, but it is the same children, at every party that ruin the event for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah and for the family.
Children should know to thank those who serve them and who entertain them. There is nothing more enjoyable than courtesy in children and adults.
The party should reflect the values of the family. Party themes, music and entertainment should be directed at the children in attendance. Raunchy attire, music, themes or speeches should be reviewed in advance carefully.
Next week: Jewish Education after the Bar/Bat Mitzvah
Monday, November 8, 2004
HMS 5765-7; Bar and Bat Mitzvah
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
November 8, 2004 - Number 5765-7
Bar and Bat Mitzvah
For the sake of clarity, Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah are the same thing. They mark the age when a Jewish child takes on the ritual commandments of adulthood. It is "legal age" for Jewish ritual purposes. In ancient days, this legal age came about with the onset of puberty. With a nod to women who mature earlier than men, Bat Mitzvah, in ancient times occurred at age 12 ½, for boys, Bat Mitzvah was at age 13. Today most congregations observe the date for both sexes at age 13. By legal age we mean the age when a Jewish child is responsible for daily prayer, for daily study and to participate in ritual commandments, (lighting candles, saying Kiddush, reciting blessings etc.). Please note that these requirements fall upon the child no matter what may happen on that birthday, with or without a party or any celebration marking the day. Any child, over the age of 13 is by definition a Bar (Bat) Mitzvah, that is legally responsible for the mitzvot. Just as an American child is legal age when they reach 18, no matter if they have a birthday party or not.
There is no Bar of Bat Mitzvah in the Torah or anywhere in the Bible. It is first found in the Mishna, in massechet Avot where it declares that age 13 is the age for Mitzvot. That is, the age when a person is responsible for the Mitzvot. In Jewish law, anyone who shares the same level of responsibility for the Mitzvot can perform that Mitzvah on behalf of someone else. This means that once a child is "legal age" than they can also lead services, read Torah, light candles and do other rituals on behalf of others. This is why the ritual for a Bar or Bat Mitzvah is to participate in a service. It applies to any service, weekday, holiday or Shabbat, and to any part of the service, Shacharit, Mincha, Maariv, Musaf or the Torah Service. Since Shabbat services are the focus of a week of prayer, and the most important part of that service is the reading of the Torah and most important Torah honor on Shabbat is Maftir, the final aliyah, than we give the new Bar or Bat Mitzvah that honor. It is a chance to show the community what they have learned in school about Torah, Haftara, chanting and Hebrew. To this base we add on other honors. The Bar or Bat Mitzvah may actually read other sections of the Torah on behalf of the people with earlier honors, he or she may lead the Pesuke D’Zimra, the Shacharit, the Torah service or the Musaf service. It is also the custom in some places for the Bar or Bat Mitzvah to lead a lesson in the Torah, by giving the D’var Torah for that Shabbat, the explanation of what will be read in the Torah and how it relates to what is important in his or her life. The parents of the Bar or Bat Mitzvah are also given an honor on that Shabbat. In past centuries, the parents would recite a special blessing thanking G-d for relieving then of responsibility for their child (who is now legal age and responsible for him/herself). Since in our modern world, responsibility for our children will last at least until age 18 ( and in some families well beyond age 40!) It is no longer our custom to recite this blessing. We give a special blessing to parents as they enter a new phase in the growth of their child.
Children with learning disabilities can also mark their passage into Jewish legal age. They may take part in the less complicated services on Monday, Thursday or Shabbat Afternoon. They may take a less complicated aliyah than Maftir or may conduce a shorter service. What they do is not important, only that we mark this milestone in their life. The Masorti Movement in Israel (the Israeli version of our Conservative Judaism) has helped students who were declared "uneducatible" by the other rabbis, take part in a Bar or Bat Mitzvah ceremony, to the joy of the students and their parents as well.
It has been my experience, that the students who do well in their training for their Bar or Bat Mitzvah ceremony are the students who attend Shabbat services regularly, especially if they attend with their family. Once they have a firm understanding of what the elements of the service are, they learn quickly and easily the lessons that help them master each element in turn. There is on other indicator for success in Bar or Bat Mitzvah training that is more significant that regular attendance in synagogue for the student and his or her family. Families who want to maximize their child’s participation in the service, should bring them to synagogue as often as possible from as early an age as possible.
Because of the number of families who need to find a date for their celebration, and because of friendships between students that transcend one congregation or another, as well as for reasons of planning a proper Seudah Mitzvah ( a meal in celebration of a ritual), often a Bar or Bat Mitzvah is picked up to three years in advance. Actual Bar/Bat Mitzvah training will begin usually about a year before the child turns 13. Until that time, almost all congregations require synagogue membership for the family and a total of 5 continuous years of Religious school or Day School training. While a Bar Mitzvah ceremony could be taught and performed in as little time as a few weeks, such ceremonies have no meaning for the child as it has no basis in the context of a Jewish Education, and is nothing more than a rote recital for the community. Most congregations do not see themselves as "Bar Mitzvah Factories" and have requirements that insure an educational context for the Bar or Bat Mitzvah ceremony. While planning a party is fun, the celebration after the ceremony is second to the celebration in synagogue. Families should spend more time on the ritual part of the ceremony and less time party planning.
A new addition to the ceremony has been added in recent years. Since the child is ready to perform Mitzvot, some families are adopting a "Mitzvah Project" for their child, using this celebration to bring about an important Mitzvah. Some ask invited guests to bring items like children books, clothing, food and coats to be donated by the child to the impoverished. Others include buying bonds for Israel, contributions to Federation or other worthy Jewish causes, help for animals, hospital patients or a wide variety of other causes. Families should consult with their Rabbi for ideas and resources to help a family decide on a proper project. Since this is also the time the student becomes responsible for his or her own contributions to Tzedakah, a portion of money received as gifts should also be earmarked for worthy causes.
Next week: Bar and Bat Mitzvah Parties
November 8, 2004 - Number 5765-7
Bar and Bat Mitzvah
For the sake of clarity, Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah are the same thing. They mark the age when a Jewish child takes on the ritual commandments of adulthood. It is "legal age" for Jewish ritual purposes. In ancient days, this legal age came about with the onset of puberty. With a nod to women who mature earlier than men, Bat Mitzvah, in ancient times occurred at age 12 ½, for boys, Bat Mitzvah was at age 13. Today most congregations observe the date for both sexes at age 13. By legal age we mean the age when a Jewish child is responsible for daily prayer, for daily study and to participate in ritual commandments, (lighting candles, saying Kiddush, reciting blessings etc.). Please note that these requirements fall upon the child no matter what may happen on that birthday, with or without a party or any celebration marking the day. Any child, over the age of 13 is by definition a Bar (Bat) Mitzvah, that is legally responsible for the mitzvot. Just as an American child is legal age when they reach 18, no matter if they have a birthday party or not.
There is no Bar of Bat Mitzvah in the Torah or anywhere in the Bible. It is first found in the Mishna, in massechet Avot where it declares that age 13 is the age for Mitzvot. That is, the age when a person is responsible for the Mitzvot. In Jewish law, anyone who shares the same level of responsibility for the Mitzvot can perform that Mitzvah on behalf of someone else. This means that once a child is "legal age" than they can also lead services, read Torah, light candles and do other rituals on behalf of others. This is why the ritual for a Bar or Bat Mitzvah is to participate in a service. It applies to any service, weekday, holiday or Shabbat, and to any part of the service, Shacharit, Mincha, Maariv, Musaf or the Torah Service. Since Shabbat services are the focus of a week of prayer, and the most important part of that service is the reading of the Torah and most important Torah honor on Shabbat is Maftir, the final aliyah, than we give the new Bar or Bat Mitzvah that honor. It is a chance to show the community what they have learned in school about Torah, Haftara, chanting and Hebrew. To this base we add on other honors. The Bar or Bat Mitzvah may actually read other sections of the Torah on behalf of the people with earlier honors, he or she may lead the Pesuke D’Zimra, the Shacharit, the Torah service or the Musaf service. It is also the custom in some places for the Bar or Bat Mitzvah to lead a lesson in the Torah, by giving the D’var Torah for that Shabbat, the explanation of what will be read in the Torah and how it relates to what is important in his or her life. The parents of the Bar or Bat Mitzvah are also given an honor on that Shabbat. In past centuries, the parents would recite a special blessing thanking G-d for relieving then of responsibility for their child (who is now legal age and responsible for him/herself). Since in our modern world, responsibility for our children will last at least until age 18 ( and in some families well beyond age 40!) It is no longer our custom to recite this blessing. We give a special blessing to parents as they enter a new phase in the growth of their child.
Children with learning disabilities can also mark their passage into Jewish legal age. They may take part in the less complicated services on Monday, Thursday or Shabbat Afternoon. They may take a less complicated aliyah than Maftir or may conduce a shorter service. What they do is not important, only that we mark this milestone in their life. The Masorti Movement in Israel (the Israeli version of our Conservative Judaism) has helped students who were declared "uneducatible" by the other rabbis, take part in a Bar or Bat Mitzvah ceremony, to the joy of the students and their parents as well.
It has been my experience, that the students who do well in their training for their Bar or Bat Mitzvah ceremony are the students who attend Shabbat services regularly, especially if they attend with their family. Once they have a firm understanding of what the elements of the service are, they learn quickly and easily the lessons that help them master each element in turn. There is on other indicator for success in Bar or Bat Mitzvah training that is more significant that regular attendance in synagogue for the student and his or her family. Families who want to maximize their child’s participation in the service, should bring them to synagogue as often as possible from as early an age as possible.
Because of the number of families who need to find a date for their celebration, and because of friendships between students that transcend one congregation or another, as well as for reasons of planning a proper Seudah Mitzvah ( a meal in celebration of a ritual), often a Bar or Bat Mitzvah is picked up to three years in advance. Actual Bar/Bat Mitzvah training will begin usually about a year before the child turns 13. Until that time, almost all congregations require synagogue membership for the family and a total of 5 continuous years of Religious school or Day School training. While a Bar Mitzvah ceremony could be taught and performed in as little time as a few weeks, such ceremonies have no meaning for the child as it has no basis in the context of a Jewish Education, and is nothing more than a rote recital for the community. Most congregations do not see themselves as "Bar Mitzvah Factories" and have requirements that insure an educational context for the Bar or Bat Mitzvah ceremony. While planning a party is fun, the celebration after the ceremony is second to the celebration in synagogue. Families should spend more time on the ritual part of the ceremony and less time party planning.
A new addition to the ceremony has been added in recent years. Since the child is ready to perform Mitzvot, some families are adopting a "Mitzvah Project" for their child, using this celebration to bring about an important Mitzvah. Some ask invited guests to bring items like children books, clothing, food and coats to be donated by the child to the impoverished. Others include buying bonds for Israel, contributions to Federation or other worthy Jewish causes, help for animals, hospital patients or a wide variety of other causes. Families should consult with their Rabbi for ideas and resources to help a family decide on a proper project. Since this is also the time the student becomes responsible for his or her own contributions to Tzedakah, a portion of money received as gifts should also be earmarked for worthy causes.
Next week: Bar and Bat Mitzvah Parties
Monday, November 1, 2004
HMS 5765-6; Raising Jewish Children
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
November 1, 2004 - Number 5765-6
Raising Jewish Children
There is a well known story about a woman who came to a famous educator to ask about when was the best time to begin a child’s education. The Professor asked the woman, "How old is your child?" The woman replied, "He is five years old."
"Good Lord, woman," the Professor exclaimed, "You have already wasted five years!!"
Many parents believe that education begins with Pre-School and Jewish Education begins in the third grade. Such parents indeed have wasted much time. From the moment of birth a child is learning, learning both the way of the world and the child’s own Jewish inheritance. What then do we need to know to raise healthy Jewish children?
First of all, to raise Jewish children we need a Jewish home. The Jewish home is the primary location for all Jewish learning. How can we create a Jewish home? It means putting a Mezuzah on our doors and Jewish books on our shelves. It means having and using the ritual items for Passover, Shavuot, Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Hanukkah and Purim. It means having a Shabbat meal every Friday night, with every member of the family present, and it means making time to pray as a family. Jewish guests should be invited for Jewish occasions and every member of the family should be enrolled in some form of Jewish Education. The Sages of the Talmud ask "If there is only enough money in the family to hire one teacher, who should be the one to study, the parent or the child?" The sages answer with great wisdom, "The teacher should be hired for the parent who will then turn and teach his or her child."
A proper Jewish home should also be a Kosher home. What we put in our mouths should be as important as what comes out of our mouth. The laws of Kashrut teach us to control our appetites and not to let our appetites control us. A Jewish home should be a place where Lashon HaRa, evil speech is never allowed. This means that gossip, trash talk, and even words that are true but hurtful, are never spoken.
When we raise a child in this kind of an environment, the consistency and rules will be a comfort to the child, and the world around this child will be filled with loving moments and warm attention. It is important for a child to know that no matter how busy the week will be, parents can always be found around the Shabbat Table. That there is a way to celebrate the seasons of the year, always showing our thanks to G-d for allowing us to reach this next milestone. Even when, G-d forbid, there is a death in the family, a child in a Shiva home easily understands that everyone is there to make those who are hurt feel better. In their own way, they too can have a part in comforting the mourners. The blessing of children on Shabbat eve is one way that we can show our children the important place they hold in our lives. Pesach, Hanukkah and Purim are magical times for both parents and children.
The best way to raise Jewish children is to be a Jewish parent. One can not expect a child to come to love whatever it is that we are avoiding. I know parents who will never miss a child’s soccer match or baseball game, but would never think of attending synagogue with their children. There are so many families who stress training for a Bar or Bat Mitzvah but never show any interest in what they are learning, other than to remind them that they will have to do a "good job" at services. And yes, service to the Jewish community is very important. The work of those who serve on the committees of Federation and a host of other Jewish organizations is of vital concern to Jews not just in our own community but across the globe as well. Committee work, however, is not enough to raise a Jewish child. One needs to also take part in the religious and ritual parts of Judaism, so that Judaism will not just be another reason mom or dad is never home at night.
To raise a good Jew, we have to be a good Jew. If we want our children to live by Jewish values, we need to live by those very same values. If we want our children to be comfortable with G-d, we need to understand what we believe about G-d. If we want our children to pray, we need to pray and to know why we are praying as well. Our children will try their hand at leading services, reading Torah and reading Jewish books if we go out first to set the example. Our secular society is interested in teaching children a "values free" education. We have no such interest. We are very interested in teaching our children Jewish values, and before we can teach them, we have to live them ourselves. This is why we must always remember that the most important part of my education, is my Jewish education. It provides the context for everything else we have to learn.
Next week: Bar and Bat Mitzvah
November 1, 2004 - Number 5765-6
Raising Jewish Children
There is a well known story about a woman who came to a famous educator to ask about when was the best time to begin a child’s education. The Professor asked the woman, "How old is your child?" The woman replied, "He is five years old."
"Good Lord, woman," the Professor exclaimed, "You have already wasted five years!!"
Many parents believe that education begins with Pre-School and Jewish Education begins in the third grade. Such parents indeed have wasted much time. From the moment of birth a child is learning, learning both the way of the world and the child’s own Jewish inheritance. What then do we need to know to raise healthy Jewish children?
First of all, to raise Jewish children we need a Jewish home. The Jewish home is the primary location for all Jewish learning. How can we create a Jewish home? It means putting a Mezuzah on our doors and Jewish books on our shelves. It means having and using the ritual items for Passover, Shavuot, Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Hanukkah and Purim. It means having a Shabbat meal every Friday night, with every member of the family present, and it means making time to pray as a family. Jewish guests should be invited for Jewish occasions and every member of the family should be enrolled in some form of Jewish Education. The Sages of the Talmud ask "If there is only enough money in the family to hire one teacher, who should be the one to study, the parent or the child?" The sages answer with great wisdom, "The teacher should be hired for the parent who will then turn and teach his or her child."
A proper Jewish home should also be a Kosher home. What we put in our mouths should be as important as what comes out of our mouth. The laws of Kashrut teach us to control our appetites and not to let our appetites control us. A Jewish home should be a place where Lashon HaRa, evil speech is never allowed. This means that gossip, trash talk, and even words that are true but hurtful, are never spoken.
When we raise a child in this kind of an environment, the consistency and rules will be a comfort to the child, and the world around this child will be filled with loving moments and warm attention. It is important for a child to know that no matter how busy the week will be, parents can always be found around the Shabbat Table. That there is a way to celebrate the seasons of the year, always showing our thanks to G-d for allowing us to reach this next milestone. Even when, G-d forbid, there is a death in the family, a child in a Shiva home easily understands that everyone is there to make those who are hurt feel better. In their own way, they too can have a part in comforting the mourners. The blessing of children on Shabbat eve is one way that we can show our children the important place they hold in our lives. Pesach, Hanukkah and Purim are magical times for both parents and children.
The best way to raise Jewish children is to be a Jewish parent. One can not expect a child to come to love whatever it is that we are avoiding. I know parents who will never miss a child’s soccer match or baseball game, but would never think of attending synagogue with their children. There are so many families who stress training for a Bar or Bat Mitzvah but never show any interest in what they are learning, other than to remind them that they will have to do a "good job" at services. And yes, service to the Jewish community is very important. The work of those who serve on the committees of Federation and a host of other Jewish organizations is of vital concern to Jews not just in our own community but across the globe as well. Committee work, however, is not enough to raise a Jewish child. One needs to also take part in the religious and ritual parts of Judaism, so that Judaism will not just be another reason mom or dad is never home at night.
To raise a good Jew, we have to be a good Jew. If we want our children to live by Jewish values, we need to live by those very same values. If we want our children to be comfortable with G-d, we need to understand what we believe about G-d. If we want our children to pray, we need to pray and to know why we are praying as well. Our children will try their hand at leading services, reading Torah and reading Jewish books if we go out first to set the example. Our secular society is interested in teaching children a "values free" education. We have no such interest. We are very interested in teaching our children Jewish values, and before we can teach them, we have to live them ourselves. This is why we must always remember that the most important part of my education, is my Jewish education. It provides the context for everything else we have to learn.
Next week: Bar and Bat Mitzvah
Monday, October 25, 2004
HMS 5765-5; Pidyon HaBen and Other Miscellaneous Laws Regarding Birth
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
October 25, 2004 - Number 5765-5
Pidyon HaBen and Other Miscellaneous Laws Regarding Birth
Judaism believes that the first of everything belongs to G-d. First fruits were brought to the Tabernacle on Shavuot. The first born of some animals had to be sacrificed at the alter. Animals that were not suitable for sacrifice had to be destroyed. The harvest could not be used until the first tenth was tithed to G-d. Since the first born of human beings could neither be sacrificed or killed, these children had to be redeemed from their obligations from G-d.
In ancient times, the firstborn of each family had ritual responsibilities for the entire family. When these responsibilities were given over to the Levites and the Priests (due to the sin of the Golden Calf) the Torah requires all first born males to be redeemed from their service for the price of five silver shekalim. The ceremony of this redemption is called "Pidyon HaBen" the redemption of the (firstborn) son.
The ceremony only applies to the first born of a woman. If a man has a son by a previous marriage, his son by his second wife, if it is her first born son, can be redeemed. If she has a son by a previous marriage, this new son by her second husband is not redeemed. If the father or the mother carries the title of Levi or Cohen, then the child is not redeemed. If the son is born after a late term miscarriage, the son is not redeemed. (If the miscarriage occurs in the first 40 days then the subsequent birth is redeemed) If a daughter is born first, if the next child is a son, he is not redeemed. If the son is born by Caesarian section, the son is not redeemed since there is no "opening of the womb" that is required by the Torah. If the next son has a normal birth, than he also is not redeemed because he is not the first born.
The boy must be a full 30 days old. This means the ceremony is held on the thirty-first day. One reason for this is because, in ancient times, many children who were born alive, did not live out the first month. Thirty-one days later, there is a presumption that the child will survive. There is a custom that the redemption takes place during the day, but it can be performed at night as well.
Since we no longer use silver shekalim, any five silver dollars can be used. If silver coins are not available, you can use the monetary equivalent. A Cohen must be called upon to redeem the child and many Cohanim who do this ceremony often, may offer special silver coins to be used for the ceremony. The ceremony can be found in any complete Siddur and involves giving the child to the Cohen, the Cohen asking if he should keep the child or will they redeem him. The parents then redeem the child for the five coins and the Cohen accepts the coins in lieu of the child. Since this is an important ceremony, there is a "seudat mitzvah" a meal in celebration of a Mitzvah that follows.
Many times this ceremony is performed because the time needed for a Brit Milah is so short and must be done on time. By giving the family 30 days, they can send out proper invitations and host a proper party. The ceremony is delayed one day if the 31st day falls on Shabbat or on a full holiday. If it falls on the intermediate days of Pesach or Sukkot, it is not delayed. If, for some reason it can not be done on the 31st day, it should be done on the night immediately following.
Other rules relating to childbirth:
While a Brit Milah must take place on the eighth day after birth, if the baby is born by Caesarean Section, we do not perform the ritual on Shabbat. It must be delayed until the following day. If the child is not well and the Brit Milah can not be performed on the eighth day, it must be done on the first day the child is well enough for the surgery. We follow the advice of the baby’s doctor and wait seven days after the child is healed before circumcising.
Adult males who convert to Judaism must be circumcised and must have a Brit Milah. This is usually significant surgery and not done by a mohel. The mohel may assist the surgeon and say the proper blessings or a Rabbi may say the blessings. Usually the surgeon for this surgery should be Jewish. In the rare case where a baby is born without a foreskin, and in the case of a convert who is already circumcised, a special ceremony called "hatafat dam brit" is performed where a drop of blood is taken from the scar of the circumcision (or the place where the circumcision would have been done). This ceremony is not done on Shabbat or holidays.
It is the responsibility of the parents to arrange for a brit milah. If they do not do so, the child, as soon as he is old enough to be on his own, should arrange for it himself.
It is a custom that a mohel be a man but women may train and serve as a mohel as well. A mohel must be Jewish. If the circumcision is performed by a non-Jewish doctor, the circumcision is valid but the ceremony of Hatafat dam brit must be performed.
Next week: Raising Jewish Children
October 25, 2004 - Number 5765-5
Pidyon HaBen and Other Miscellaneous Laws Regarding Birth
Judaism believes that the first of everything belongs to G-d. First fruits were brought to the Tabernacle on Shavuot. The first born of some animals had to be sacrificed at the alter. Animals that were not suitable for sacrifice had to be destroyed. The harvest could not be used until the first tenth was tithed to G-d. Since the first born of human beings could neither be sacrificed or killed, these children had to be redeemed from their obligations from G-d.
In ancient times, the firstborn of each family had ritual responsibilities for the entire family. When these responsibilities were given over to the Levites and the Priests (due to the sin of the Golden Calf) the Torah requires all first born males to be redeemed from their service for the price of five silver shekalim. The ceremony of this redemption is called "Pidyon HaBen" the redemption of the (firstborn) son.
The ceremony only applies to the first born of a woman. If a man has a son by a previous marriage, his son by his second wife, if it is her first born son, can be redeemed. If she has a son by a previous marriage, this new son by her second husband is not redeemed. If the father or the mother carries the title of Levi or Cohen, then the child is not redeemed. If the son is born after a late term miscarriage, the son is not redeemed. (If the miscarriage occurs in the first 40 days then the subsequent birth is redeemed) If a daughter is born first, if the next child is a son, he is not redeemed. If the son is born by Caesarian section, the son is not redeemed since there is no "opening of the womb" that is required by the Torah. If the next son has a normal birth, than he also is not redeemed because he is not the first born.
The boy must be a full 30 days old. This means the ceremony is held on the thirty-first day. One reason for this is because, in ancient times, many children who were born alive, did not live out the first month. Thirty-one days later, there is a presumption that the child will survive. There is a custom that the redemption takes place during the day, but it can be performed at night as well.
Since we no longer use silver shekalim, any five silver dollars can be used. If silver coins are not available, you can use the monetary equivalent. A Cohen must be called upon to redeem the child and many Cohanim who do this ceremony often, may offer special silver coins to be used for the ceremony. The ceremony can be found in any complete Siddur and involves giving the child to the Cohen, the Cohen asking if he should keep the child or will they redeem him. The parents then redeem the child for the five coins and the Cohen accepts the coins in lieu of the child. Since this is an important ceremony, there is a "seudat mitzvah" a meal in celebration of a Mitzvah that follows.
Many times this ceremony is performed because the time needed for a Brit Milah is so short and must be done on time. By giving the family 30 days, they can send out proper invitations and host a proper party. The ceremony is delayed one day if the 31st day falls on Shabbat or on a full holiday. If it falls on the intermediate days of Pesach or Sukkot, it is not delayed. If, for some reason it can not be done on the 31st day, it should be done on the night immediately following.
Other rules relating to childbirth:
While a Brit Milah must take place on the eighth day after birth, if the baby is born by Caesarean Section, we do not perform the ritual on Shabbat. It must be delayed until the following day. If the child is not well and the Brit Milah can not be performed on the eighth day, it must be done on the first day the child is well enough for the surgery. We follow the advice of the baby’s doctor and wait seven days after the child is healed before circumcising.
Adult males who convert to Judaism must be circumcised and must have a Brit Milah. This is usually significant surgery and not done by a mohel. The mohel may assist the surgeon and say the proper blessings or a Rabbi may say the blessings. Usually the surgeon for this surgery should be Jewish. In the rare case where a baby is born without a foreskin, and in the case of a convert who is already circumcised, a special ceremony called "hatafat dam brit" is performed where a drop of blood is taken from the scar of the circumcision (or the place where the circumcision would have been done). This ceremony is not done on Shabbat or holidays.
It is the responsibility of the parents to arrange for a brit milah. If they do not do so, the child, as soon as he is old enough to be on his own, should arrange for it himself.
It is a custom that a mohel be a man but women may train and serve as a mohel as well. A mohel must be Jewish. If the circumcision is performed by a non-Jewish doctor, the circumcision is valid but the ceremony of Hatafat dam brit must be performed.
Next week: Raising Jewish Children
Monday, October 18, 2004
HMS 5765-4; Brit Milah IV - Simchat Bat
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
October 18, 2004 - Number 5765-4
Brit Milah IV - Simchat Bat
Traditionally, a baby girl was named in the synagogue on the first day the Torah was read after her birth. The father would come to the synagogue and would be called for an aliyah to the Torah. After the Torah was read and the blessings finished, the gabbi would then add a Mishebayrach, a prayer for the good health of the mother and for the Baby. Since this prayer requires the Hebrew name of the mother and the baby, this also doubled as the naming for the baby girl. After the service, a kiddush would be sponsored by the father in honor of his daughter.
Since this baby naming service is far less joyous than the Brit Milah for a boy, in modern times there has been an attempt to try and equalize the two ceremonies. Judaism does not authorize or condone what is sometimes called "female circumcision". It is absolutely forbidden as mutilation of the body. What we try and do is create a ceremony that will speak to the special ritual statues of a daughter. There are different attempts that have been made over the last 50 years or so and I will try and explain them in terms of how common they have become.
In many places, the time the father comes to synagogue is lengthened to a full month after a girl is born. This allows the mother and baby to be present in the synagogue. If the congregation is egalitarian, than the mother and baby are called with the father to the Torah for the aliyah and for the Mishebayrach. A more elaborate party can follow since there is more time to prepare the food and invite friends and relatives. We usually don’t wait longer than a month lest the family get busy and forget to do the naming until too much time has passed.
There have been many attempts to have home naming ceremonies called, "Simchat Bat" or "The celebration of a daughter". There are many different ceremonies that have been created for this purpose. In some ways one can write their own ceremony since the custom is so new that there are no traditional rituals. Some of the rituals that have been proposed include lighting candles, a cup of wine, seven blessings relating to birth and creation. An prayer that includes the naming is also a part of the service, usually this is a form of the Mishebayrach used at the Torah for the naming.
In some places, the family will have a community naming at the synagogue on a Torah reading day and then invite friends and family to a separate ceremony at their home. When looking for a Simchat Bat service, contact the Rabbi who may have many model services in his or her file to look at and get ideas. Many Rabbis have their own favorite Simchat Bat service and will be happy to share it with you. The ceremony is also followed by a Seudat Mitzvah, a meal in celebration of the mitzvah of naming a girl.
For both boys and girls, if the child is named for a relative, the parents should write and read to the congregation, at the naming, the reason why they chose this name for their son or daughter. They can call attention to the qualities of the person for who he or she was named as to why it speaks to the hopes and dreams of the parents of the child. What can this baby learn from the lives of those for whom he or she was named. After the naming, this "speech" should be put away and saved for future celebrations. At the bar or bat Mitzvah it can be retrieved and read to the friends and family again to see how many of the dreams of the parents have come true. It can also be used at the wedding as a final look at how the memory of the people for whom they are named, has been continued by the actions and life of the now mature child.
Next week: Pidyon HaBen, Adoption and other Miscellaneous laws concerning birth
October 18, 2004 - Number 5765-4
Brit Milah IV - Simchat Bat
Traditionally, a baby girl was named in the synagogue on the first day the Torah was read after her birth. The father would come to the synagogue and would be called for an aliyah to the Torah. After the Torah was read and the blessings finished, the gabbi would then add a Mishebayrach, a prayer for the good health of the mother and for the Baby. Since this prayer requires the Hebrew name of the mother and the baby, this also doubled as the naming for the baby girl. After the service, a kiddush would be sponsored by the father in honor of his daughter.
Since this baby naming service is far less joyous than the Brit Milah for a boy, in modern times there has been an attempt to try and equalize the two ceremonies. Judaism does not authorize or condone what is sometimes called "female circumcision". It is absolutely forbidden as mutilation of the body. What we try and do is create a ceremony that will speak to the special ritual statues of a daughter. There are different attempts that have been made over the last 50 years or so and I will try and explain them in terms of how common they have become.
In many places, the time the father comes to synagogue is lengthened to a full month after a girl is born. This allows the mother and baby to be present in the synagogue. If the congregation is egalitarian, than the mother and baby are called with the father to the Torah for the aliyah and for the Mishebayrach. A more elaborate party can follow since there is more time to prepare the food and invite friends and relatives. We usually don’t wait longer than a month lest the family get busy and forget to do the naming until too much time has passed.
There have been many attempts to have home naming ceremonies called, "Simchat Bat" or "The celebration of a daughter". There are many different ceremonies that have been created for this purpose. In some ways one can write their own ceremony since the custom is so new that there are no traditional rituals. Some of the rituals that have been proposed include lighting candles, a cup of wine, seven blessings relating to birth and creation. An prayer that includes the naming is also a part of the service, usually this is a form of the Mishebayrach used at the Torah for the naming.
In some places, the family will have a community naming at the synagogue on a Torah reading day and then invite friends and family to a separate ceremony at their home. When looking for a Simchat Bat service, contact the Rabbi who may have many model services in his or her file to look at and get ideas. Many Rabbis have their own favorite Simchat Bat service and will be happy to share it with you. The ceremony is also followed by a Seudat Mitzvah, a meal in celebration of the mitzvah of naming a girl.
For both boys and girls, if the child is named for a relative, the parents should write and read to the congregation, at the naming, the reason why they chose this name for their son or daughter. They can call attention to the qualities of the person for who he or she was named as to why it speaks to the hopes and dreams of the parents of the child. What can this baby learn from the lives of those for whom he or she was named. After the naming, this "speech" should be put away and saved for future celebrations. At the bar or bat Mitzvah it can be retrieved and read to the friends and family again to see how many of the dreams of the parents have come true. It can also be used at the wedding as a final look at how the memory of the people for whom they are named, has been continued by the actions and life of the now mature child.
Next week: Pidyon HaBen, Adoption and other Miscellaneous laws concerning birth
Monday, October 11, 2004
HMS 5765-3; Brit Milah III - The Naming
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
October 11, 2004 - Number 5765-3
Brit Milah III - The Naming
A boy baby can only be named at a Brit Milah. Girls are named in synagogue, often on the first Shabbat after they are born, but it can be up to a month later if it means the mother can be at the nameing as well. A boy is never named at services.
After the circumcision, the Mohel holds the baby and a special prayer is recited where the baby is given his Hebrew name along with a blessing that he should grow in Torah, be blessed with a good marriage and live a life good deeds.
When naming any Jewish child (boy or girl), the first rule is that there are no rules. One can give the child any name they prefer. The decision on the name belongs to the parent although they may seek advice from anyone they choose. There are, however a few traditions. The most common tradition is not give a baby a name that has ritual significance to another faith. Thus Jesus, Mohammed, Buddah etc. are out. Ashkenazic Jews (from Europe) traditionally name a child after a deceased relative so that their name can live on. If the person who name is being used, died suddenly or very young, often another name is added (like "Alter" meaning "the older" or "Hiyyim" meaning "Life" or "Refael" meaning "Healing") Sefardic Jews name their children after living relatives as a sign of honor.
A third tradition is to give the child a Hebrew name that is similar to the English name to help remember the Hebrew name in the future. Once again, I want to note that this is only a tradition, many people have Hebrew Names that have no relation to their English names at all, and some children don’t even have English names, only Hebrew names.
The Hebrew name must also carry the Hebrew names of both parents. Thus if Moshe is the son of Eliezer and Sheindle, then his name in Hebrew would be "Moshe ben Eliezer v’Sheindle. If the father has a title, it is also added, thus if Eliezer is a Rabbi, the name would be Moshe ben HaRav Eliezer v’Sheindle. If the father or mother are descended from the priests or Leviim, than this is also added to the name. For example, if the father was a Levite, than the name would be Moshe ben Eliezer HaLevy v’Sheindle. If the mother was the daughter of a priest she could carry that title too, Moshe ben Eliezer v’Sheindle HaCohenet (or HaLeviah). Fathers always past their tribe to their children. Mothers can have a tribe, but they do not pass the tribe to their children. Converts, who do not have parents with Hebrew names, are given the names of the first Jewish Parents, Abraham and Sarah.
Hebrew names are used on the naming certificate, at the Bar Mitzvah, any time the person is called to the Torah in Synagogue, on the Ketubah for the wedding, for the prayer for speedy recovery when sick and for the memorial prayer after they have died. Everyone should know their full Hebrew name and the full Hebrew name of their parents and children. Just a century ago, such information would be written down in a family bible. Today it should be written down and placed with other important papers.
The final part of the Brit Milah is the Seudah Mitzvah, the celebration of the Mitzvah. It is a special Mitzvah to celebrate with the parents of the newborn child. One should not just attend the formal ceremony, but stay and celebrate with the family by joining them in eating and drinking in honor of the baby.
Next week: Brit Milah IV - Simchat Bat
October 11, 2004 - Number 5765-3
Brit Milah III - The Naming
A boy baby can only be named at a Brit Milah. Girls are named in synagogue, often on the first Shabbat after they are born, but it can be up to a month later if it means the mother can be at the nameing as well. A boy is never named at services.
After the circumcision, the Mohel holds the baby and a special prayer is recited where the baby is given his Hebrew name along with a blessing that he should grow in Torah, be blessed with a good marriage and live a life good deeds.
When naming any Jewish child (boy or girl), the first rule is that there are no rules. One can give the child any name they prefer. The decision on the name belongs to the parent although they may seek advice from anyone they choose. There are, however a few traditions. The most common tradition is not give a baby a name that has ritual significance to another faith. Thus Jesus, Mohammed, Buddah etc. are out. Ashkenazic Jews (from Europe) traditionally name a child after a deceased relative so that their name can live on. If the person who name is being used, died suddenly or very young, often another name is added (like "Alter" meaning "the older" or "Hiyyim" meaning "Life" or "Refael" meaning "Healing") Sefardic Jews name their children after living relatives as a sign of honor.
A third tradition is to give the child a Hebrew name that is similar to the English name to help remember the Hebrew name in the future. Once again, I want to note that this is only a tradition, many people have Hebrew Names that have no relation to their English names at all, and some children don’t even have English names, only Hebrew names.
The Hebrew name must also carry the Hebrew names of both parents. Thus if Moshe is the son of Eliezer and Sheindle, then his name in Hebrew would be "Moshe ben Eliezer v’Sheindle. If the father has a title, it is also added, thus if Eliezer is a Rabbi, the name would be Moshe ben HaRav Eliezer v’Sheindle. If the father or mother are descended from the priests or Leviim, than this is also added to the name. For example, if the father was a Levite, than the name would be Moshe ben Eliezer HaLevy v’Sheindle. If the mother was the daughter of a priest she could carry that title too, Moshe ben Eliezer v’Sheindle HaCohenet (or HaLeviah). Fathers always past their tribe to their children. Mothers can have a tribe, but they do not pass the tribe to their children. Converts, who do not have parents with Hebrew names, are given the names of the first Jewish Parents, Abraham and Sarah.
Hebrew names are used on the naming certificate, at the Bar Mitzvah, any time the person is called to the Torah in Synagogue, on the Ketubah for the wedding, for the prayer for speedy recovery when sick and for the memorial prayer after they have died. Everyone should know their full Hebrew name and the full Hebrew name of their parents and children. Just a century ago, such information would be written down in a family bible. Today it should be written down and placed with other important papers.
The final part of the Brit Milah is the Seudah Mitzvah, the celebration of the Mitzvah. It is a special Mitzvah to celebrate with the parents of the newborn child. One should not just attend the formal ceremony, but stay and celebrate with the family by joining them in eating and drinking in honor of the baby.
Next week: Brit Milah IV - Simchat Bat
Monday, October 4, 2004
HMS 5765-2; Brit Milah II - The Surgery
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
October 4, 2004 - Number 5765-2 Hag Sameach!
Brit Milah II - The Surgery
Maimonides gives us the best description of the surgery involved in a Brit Milah. Since Maimonides was a physician, this is how he describes the procedure: "the entire foreskin which covers the glans is cut so that the whole of the glans is exposed. Then a thin layer of skin beneath the foreskin is torn with the fingernail and turned back with the flesh of the glans completely exposed. Thereafter, one sucks the wound until the blood is drawn from the more remote places so that no danger to the child’s health may ensue... after this has been done, a plaster bandage or similar dressing is applied." (Mishna Torah: Hilchot Milah 2:2; Translation by Rabbi Isaac Klein in "A Guide to Religious Jewish Practice" p.421-2)
From this description we see that there are three stages to a ritual circumcision (Brit MIlah) The cutting of the foreskin. The tearing and folding of the mucous membrane. The suction of the blood.
While Maimonides gives us a description of what the surgery was like in his day, today there are some notable differences. The membrane and the foreskin are often cut at the same time. While any instrument can be used for the surgery, most use a surgical scalpel or a knife used exclusively for circumcision. A "magen" or a shield is used to protect the glans during the cutting. This shield has a slit in its surface so that the foreskin and the membrane can be placed in the slit and the glans itself is protected during the cutting.
It is the baby’s father who has the responsibility to do the circumcision, but usually the father delegates a professional to do the surgery. This expert is called a "mohel". Once the foreskin has been placed in the slit in the shield, sometimes the father will do the actual cut to fulfill this mitzvah.
Brit Milah must be done on the eighth day. Even if it is Yom Kippur. If there is any danger to the child or any illness in the child, the brit is postponed until the child is well. The first day when the child is born is counted as the first of the eight days. A child born by cesarian section is not circumcised on Shabbat or holidays.
The baby is brought into the room by a couple known as "kvatter" and "kvatterin" sometimes translated as "god parents" but not in the legal sense that we use the terms today. There is a custom of sending the mother of the baby out of the room for the Milah, but this is just an vestige of when all women were "hysterical" and could not watch the operation. Today, any mother who wants to be at the front for the Milah are welcome to stay. The person who holds the baby for the operation is called the "sandek" and this is a great honor usually reserved for the most religious member of the family. Before the baby is handed to the sandek, the baby is placed on a chair reserved for Elijah the prophet. Elijah is the guardian of circumcision and is said to be present at every Brit Milah.
A modern mohel will perform the surgery quickly so that there will not be much pain. After securing the baby in the hands of the Sandek, the mohel will remove the diaper and take a small "probe" and insert it under the foreskin to free the mucus membrane from the glans. Then a clamp is used to grab both the foreskin and the membrane and pull it away from the glans. A Magen clamp is then opened, with the foreskin/membrane placed in the slot and the glans secure under the shield. The clamp is closed and the Mohel (or the parent if they wish) then take the knife and cut across the top of the shield. There is a blessing recited before the cut is made, and another after the cut. Usually the father gives "permission" to the mohel to make the cut and the mohel says the blessing before cutting. The parents recite the blessing after. The clamp is then opened, the remaining foreskin is pulled back behind the glans. An antibiotic is applied to the bandage and the bandage is put into place. Often a special "steri-bandage" is used to promote faster healing. The diaper is replaced and the Milah is complete.
Next week: Brit Milah III - The Naming
October 4, 2004 - Number 5765-2 Hag Sameach!
Brit Milah II - The Surgery
Maimonides gives us the best description of the surgery involved in a Brit Milah. Since Maimonides was a physician, this is how he describes the procedure: "the entire foreskin which covers the glans is cut so that the whole of the glans is exposed. Then a thin layer of skin beneath the foreskin is torn with the fingernail and turned back with the flesh of the glans completely exposed. Thereafter, one sucks the wound until the blood is drawn from the more remote places so that no danger to the child’s health may ensue... after this has been done, a plaster bandage or similar dressing is applied." (Mishna Torah: Hilchot Milah 2:2; Translation by Rabbi Isaac Klein in "A Guide to Religious Jewish Practice" p.421-2)
From this description we see that there are three stages to a ritual circumcision (Brit MIlah) The cutting of the foreskin. The tearing and folding of the mucous membrane. The suction of the blood.
While Maimonides gives us a description of what the surgery was like in his day, today there are some notable differences. The membrane and the foreskin are often cut at the same time. While any instrument can be used for the surgery, most use a surgical scalpel or a knife used exclusively for circumcision. A "magen" or a shield is used to protect the glans during the cutting. This shield has a slit in its surface so that the foreskin and the membrane can be placed in the slit and the glans itself is protected during the cutting.
It is the baby’s father who has the responsibility to do the circumcision, but usually the father delegates a professional to do the surgery. This expert is called a "mohel". Once the foreskin has been placed in the slit in the shield, sometimes the father will do the actual cut to fulfill this mitzvah.
Brit Milah must be done on the eighth day. Even if it is Yom Kippur. If there is any danger to the child or any illness in the child, the brit is postponed until the child is well. The first day when the child is born is counted as the first of the eight days. A child born by cesarian section is not circumcised on Shabbat or holidays.
The baby is brought into the room by a couple known as "kvatter" and "kvatterin" sometimes translated as "god parents" but not in the legal sense that we use the terms today. There is a custom of sending the mother of the baby out of the room for the Milah, but this is just an vestige of when all women were "hysterical" and could not watch the operation. Today, any mother who wants to be at the front for the Milah are welcome to stay. The person who holds the baby for the operation is called the "sandek" and this is a great honor usually reserved for the most religious member of the family. Before the baby is handed to the sandek, the baby is placed on a chair reserved for Elijah the prophet. Elijah is the guardian of circumcision and is said to be present at every Brit Milah.
A modern mohel will perform the surgery quickly so that there will not be much pain. After securing the baby in the hands of the Sandek, the mohel will remove the diaper and take a small "probe" and insert it under the foreskin to free the mucus membrane from the glans. Then a clamp is used to grab both the foreskin and the membrane and pull it away from the glans. A Magen clamp is then opened, with the foreskin/membrane placed in the slot and the glans secure under the shield. The clamp is closed and the Mohel (or the parent if they wish) then take the knife and cut across the top of the shield. There is a blessing recited before the cut is made, and another after the cut. Usually the father gives "permission" to the mohel to make the cut and the mohel says the blessing before cutting. The parents recite the blessing after. The clamp is then opened, the remaining foreskin is pulled back behind the glans. An antibiotic is applied to the bandage and the bandage is put into place. Often a special "steri-bandage" is used to promote faster healing. The diaper is replaced and the Milah is complete.
Next week: Brit Milah III - The Naming
Monday, September 27, 2004
HMS 5765-1; Brit Milah I - Introduction.
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
September 27, 2004 - Number 5765-1
Brit Milah I - Introduction.
There are only three Mitzvot recorded in the book of Berayshit/Genesis. The first is the commandment to have children. The second is the commandment to circumcise our children and the third is the command that forbids the sciatic nerve in an animal for human consumption. This is from the story of Jacob wresting with the angel. We see that Brit Milah is one of the oldest rituals that exist in the Torah. After Abraham circumcises himself and his thirteen-year-old son, Ishmael, Abraham is told to circumcise all male children on the eighth day after birth. This is a Mitzvah that has been observed from that time until our own. Circumcision remains the most basic connection we have to G-d and to our faith.Circumcision is called "Milah" in Hebrew. A Jewish ritual circumcision is called a "Brit Milah" that is, a Circumcision that is connected to a covenant, the earliest connection we have with G-d. It is said that Israelite women circumcised their children in Egypt, before the exodus, even though they knew the baby would soon be thrown into the Nile. No matter how far a family may stray from the Jewish path, circumcision remains as the ritual that binds us all. There has been much written in recent years about the benefits of circumcision versus the complications. The arguments have been serious on both sides. As far as Judaism is concerned, the reason we perform the surgery has little to do with medical advise. We circumcise our male children because it is the command of our Creator. It is the sign of the two relationships we have with G-d, the first is the promise made with Abraham, and the second is the promise our ancestor’s made at Sinai. It is also important to know that it is not the surgery that is important. The surgery can be performed on any male child. Brit Milah, the circumcision that is the sign of the Covenant has to be performed in a proper manner for the purpose of bringing that child into the Covenant. Brit Milah does not make a child Jewish. A child is Jewish because of their birth. Brit Milah testifies that the person lives under the obligations that come with the Covenant. It is done to the organ of generation to symbolize that just as life goes on from one generation to another, so too is the covenant passed down from one generation to the next. Brit Milah is not just a cut made on the outer flesh of a child, but it is symbolic of the change in heart that goes with it. It represents the commitment of the child, and the parents of the child to be educated and raised according to Jewish Tradition. It is this symbolism of commitment to Torah and faith that separates the Circumcision from a Brit Milah.A Brit Milah always takes place on the eighth day after birth. The day of the birth counts as the first day (remember a Jewish "day" begins at sunset the night before). The ritual is done during the day and not at night. This was probably due to the better light that was available during the day rather than to rely on oil light or candles. A Brit Milah is never done prior to the eighth day. The ceremony can be delayed after the eighth day for medical reasons or if we have to wait for an expert to perform the surgery. It is the responsibility of the father of the baby to arrange for the Brit Milah, but if, for any reason, he will not fulfil the obligation, than any other family member can step in. If the child is not circumcised at all, than it becomes the child’s responsibility after the child turns 13 years-old. Brit Milah is for male children only. There is no "female circumcision" in Judaism.There are three parts to the Brit Milah ceremony. The surgery. The naming and the celebration afterwards.
Next week: Brit Milah II - The surgery
September 27, 2004 - Number 5765-1
Brit Milah I - Introduction.
There are only three Mitzvot recorded in the book of Berayshit/Genesis. The first is the commandment to have children. The second is the commandment to circumcise our children and the third is the command that forbids the sciatic nerve in an animal for human consumption. This is from the story of Jacob wresting with the angel. We see that Brit Milah is one of the oldest rituals that exist in the Torah. After Abraham circumcises himself and his thirteen-year-old son, Ishmael, Abraham is told to circumcise all male children on the eighth day after birth. This is a Mitzvah that has been observed from that time until our own. Circumcision remains the most basic connection we have to G-d and to our faith.Circumcision is called "Milah" in Hebrew. A Jewish ritual circumcision is called a "Brit Milah" that is, a Circumcision that is connected to a covenant, the earliest connection we have with G-d. It is said that Israelite women circumcised their children in Egypt, before the exodus, even though they knew the baby would soon be thrown into the Nile. No matter how far a family may stray from the Jewish path, circumcision remains as the ritual that binds us all. There has been much written in recent years about the benefits of circumcision versus the complications. The arguments have been serious on both sides. As far as Judaism is concerned, the reason we perform the surgery has little to do with medical advise. We circumcise our male children because it is the command of our Creator. It is the sign of the two relationships we have with G-d, the first is the promise made with Abraham, and the second is the promise our ancestor’s made at Sinai. It is also important to know that it is not the surgery that is important. The surgery can be performed on any male child. Brit Milah, the circumcision that is the sign of the Covenant has to be performed in a proper manner for the purpose of bringing that child into the Covenant. Brit Milah does not make a child Jewish. A child is Jewish because of their birth. Brit Milah testifies that the person lives under the obligations that come with the Covenant. It is done to the organ of generation to symbolize that just as life goes on from one generation to another, so too is the covenant passed down from one generation to the next. Brit Milah is not just a cut made on the outer flesh of a child, but it is symbolic of the change in heart that goes with it. It represents the commitment of the child, and the parents of the child to be educated and raised according to Jewish Tradition. It is this symbolism of commitment to Torah and faith that separates the Circumcision from a Brit Milah.A Brit Milah always takes place on the eighth day after birth. The day of the birth counts as the first day (remember a Jewish "day" begins at sunset the night before). The ritual is done during the day and not at night. This was probably due to the better light that was available during the day rather than to rely on oil light or candles. A Brit Milah is never done prior to the eighth day. The ceremony can be delayed after the eighth day for medical reasons or if we have to wait for an expert to perform the surgery. It is the responsibility of the father of the baby to arrange for the Brit Milah, but if, for any reason, he will not fulfil the obligation, than any other family member can step in. If the child is not circumcised at all, than it becomes the child’s responsibility after the child turns 13 years-old. Brit Milah is for male children only. There is no "female circumcision" in Judaism.There are three parts to the Brit Milah ceremony. The surgery. The naming and the celebration afterwards.
Next week: Brit Milah II - The surgery
Monday, September 13, 2004
HMS 5764-38; Wedding 7 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part IV: After the Ceremony
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
September 13, 2004 - Number 5764-38
Wedding 7 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part IV: After the Ceremony
I mentioned three weeks ago that there are three ways a person gets married under Jewish Law; by contract, by money and by sexual relations for the purpose of marriage. All three have been made a part of the Jewish wedding ceremony. We have seen that the contract is fulfilled by the writing and signing of the Ketubah and when the groom hands this document to the bride under the huppah in front of proper witnesses and she accepts it from his hand. The money part of the wedding is when the groom hands the bride a ring and recites the marriage formula in front of proper witnesses. After the wedding ceremony is concluded, the bride and groom leave the room where the wedding takes place, leading the recessional of those in the wedding party. They go directly to a room where they can be alone and two witnesses are assigned to guard the door so that they will not be disturbed. This originally was when the marriage was consummated.
Today, in almost all cases, this time alone, called in Hebrew, "Yichud" meaning, "Alone,"is just symbolic time together. Since a wedding day is considered to be a mini Yom Kippur, many brides and grooms are fasting that day, and this time is when they break their fast. The food is placed in the room before they get there and they have some time together to break their fast. By Jewish Law, an unmarried man and an unmarried woman should not be alone together so this time is their first "official" time together as husband and wife. Since a modern wedding is a rather overwhelming and hectic day, this time alone allows the couple to pause and remember why they decided to get married in the first place. Even if the couple are ready to enjoy their wedding reception, they should still spend this time alone. Let the rest of the family and wedding party do the receiving line duty. The bride and groom require this time alone. A minimum of ten minutes is fine, it can be 20-30 minutes depending on if they need to eat. This is not time to check makeup, hair or fix the wedding dress. It is alone time, just the two of them, and everyone else who needs them, even the photographer, will have to settle for a picture of the two guards at the door. One last point of Jewish law: "Everyone knows why a bride and groom enter the room for Yihud, but it is not proper/polite to speak about it." This applies to others at the reception or to make jokes about it to the bride and groom. It is a major act of impropriety to have this as a topic of discussion, or the punch line of some ribald humor.
The final part of the wedding is the reception. The wedding reception is called a "seudah mitzvah" a "meal in celebration of a mitzvah." this makes it an integral part of the wedding. It is a great mitzvah to celebrate with a bride and groom on their wedding day. It is a bigger mitzvah to do something to increase their joy. This could be as simple as bringing a gift, or performing a dance, or skit or just having a good time in honor of the couple. Because the meal is part of the mitzvah, one should keep the festivities in good taste. Judaism sees food as holy so turning the sharing of the wedding cake into smearing the frosting on the bride and groom is not appropriate. While the bride throwing the flowers is OK, the garter/groom event is in poor taste. Toasting the bride and groom should be a sign of honor, not the occasion for blue humor. The Wedding feast should end with the Birkat HaMazon, the blessing after the meal and at a wedding this includes a repetition of the seven wedding blessings, and another opportunity to honor seven guests by having them each recite one of these blessings. During the wedding ceremony, the first blessing is the blessing over the wine. During Birkat HaMazon, the wine blessing is done last and the second blessing is recited first.
Traditionally, the bride and groom do not leave on their honeymoon after the wedding reception. The wedding festivities go on for a week. There is another Seudah Mitzvah each evening with a chance to honor seven more guests with the seven wedding blessings. At each of these meals, it is a great mitzvah to bring additional joy to the bride and groom.
Next week: Brit Milah
September 13, 2004 - Number 5764-38
Wedding 7 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part IV: After the Ceremony
I mentioned three weeks ago that there are three ways a person gets married under Jewish Law; by contract, by money and by sexual relations for the purpose of marriage. All three have been made a part of the Jewish wedding ceremony. We have seen that the contract is fulfilled by the writing and signing of the Ketubah and when the groom hands this document to the bride under the huppah in front of proper witnesses and she accepts it from his hand. The money part of the wedding is when the groom hands the bride a ring and recites the marriage formula in front of proper witnesses. After the wedding ceremony is concluded, the bride and groom leave the room where the wedding takes place, leading the recessional of those in the wedding party. They go directly to a room where they can be alone and two witnesses are assigned to guard the door so that they will not be disturbed. This originally was when the marriage was consummated.
Today, in almost all cases, this time alone, called in Hebrew, "Yichud" meaning, "Alone,"is just symbolic time together. Since a wedding day is considered to be a mini Yom Kippur, many brides and grooms are fasting that day, and this time is when they break their fast. The food is placed in the room before they get there and they have some time together to break their fast. By Jewish Law, an unmarried man and an unmarried woman should not be alone together so this time is their first "official" time together as husband and wife. Since a modern wedding is a rather overwhelming and hectic day, this time alone allows the couple to pause and remember why they decided to get married in the first place. Even if the couple are ready to enjoy their wedding reception, they should still spend this time alone. Let the rest of the family and wedding party do the receiving line duty. The bride and groom require this time alone. A minimum of ten minutes is fine, it can be 20-30 minutes depending on if they need to eat. This is not time to check makeup, hair or fix the wedding dress. It is alone time, just the two of them, and everyone else who needs them, even the photographer, will have to settle for a picture of the two guards at the door. One last point of Jewish law: "Everyone knows why a bride and groom enter the room for Yihud, but it is not proper/polite to speak about it." This applies to others at the reception or to make jokes about it to the bride and groom. It is a major act of impropriety to have this as a topic of discussion, or the punch line of some ribald humor.
The final part of the wedding is the reception. The wedding reception is called a "seudah mitzvah" a "meal in celebration of a mitzvah." this makes it an integral part of the wedding. It is a great mitzvah to celebrate with a bride and groom on their wedding day. It is a bigger mitzvah to do something to increase their joy. This could be as simple as bringing a gift, or performing a dance, or skit or just having a good time in honor of the couple. Because the meal is part of the mitzvah, one should keep the festivities in good taste. Judaism sees food as holy so turning the sharing of the wedding cake into smearing the frosting on the bride and groom is not appropriate. While the bride throwing the flowers is OK, the garter/groom event is in poor taste. Toasting the bride and groom should be a sign of honor, not the occasion for blue humor. The Wedding feast should end with the Birkat HaMazon, the blessing after the meal and at a wedding this includes a repetition of the seven wedding blessings, and another opportunity to honor seven guests by having them each recite one of these blessings. During the wedding ceremony, the first blessing is the blessing over the wine. During Birkat HaMazon, the wine blessing is done last and the second blessing is recited first.
Traditionally, the bride and groom do not leave on their honeymoon after the wedding reception. The wedding festivities go on for a week. There is another Seudah Mitzvah each evening with a chance to honor seven more guests with the seven wedding blessings. At each of these meals, it is a great mitzvah to bring additional joy to the bride and groom.
Next week: Brit Milah
Monday, September 6, 2004
HMS 5764-37 Wedding 6 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part III
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
September 6, 2004 - Number 5764-37
Wedding 6 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part III
Following the reading of the Ketubah, and the bride accepting it from the hand of the groom, the next section of the wedding service is the "Sheva Berachot" the seven wedding blessings. The blessings are arranged according to the order of their length, each one longer and more important that the one before. Since there is a blessing for everything in Judaism, it is no surprise that there is a blessing for getting married, but marriage is such an important ritual in Judaism. It is considered to be the most joyful day in a person’s life. It is considered to be one of the most joyful events in the life of the community, that one blessing doesn’t seem to be enough, for that matter even two blessings would not be enough. This is why there are no less than seven blessings in honor of the bride and groom.
The first blessing is over the second cup of wine. The first cup was used in the Arusin blessing at the beginning of the service. Now the cup is refilled (or some wine is added to what remains in the cup) and the cup will be held by the one reciting the blessing. In many weddings the Rabbi or Cantor who are officiating hold the cup while all seven blessings are recited. In some places, each of the seven blessings are assigned as a honor to guests at the wedding. It is a big honor to be asked to recite one of the Sheva Berachot. The cup is passed from hand to hand as each honoree recites the assigned blessing. At the end the cup is returned to the Rabbi or Cantor who then gives it to the bride and groom to drink. They are the only two who will drink from this cup of wine.
The other six blessings are a mixture of individual and communal reasons to celebrate. The second blessing refers to the ceremony being for the glory of G-d. The third blessing thanks G-d as the creator of humanity. The fourth blessing thanks G-d for creating both men and women in the divine image. The fifth blessing is a hope for the gathering of exiles in Jerusalem. The sixth blessing compares this wedding to the first wedding, of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden where G-d officiated. The final blessing, which includes passages from the book of the prophet Jeremiah, combines the joy of marriage to the rejoicing of those who have returned to Jerusalem with great feasting and singing.
After the last blessing, the bride and groom drink the wine (or kosher grape juice). Now the officiant will offer a small D’var Torah to the couple. There is no real reason that this needs to be long. There are times when there are several Rabbis or officiants who wish to speak and the speeches can drag on a bit, but the topic is usually some advice on love and marriage to the couple based on the lives to the couple, on the Parsha of the week or on some other Rabbinic text. It is not in lieu of pre-marital counseling which should be done at a meeting prior to the ceremony.
Many Rabbis will conclude their remarks with a blessing for the couple. This often is in the form of the Birkat Kohanim, the three part blessing that is mentioned in the Torah.
At this point the Rabbi will explain what the breaking of the glass is all about. The origin of breaking a glass comes from a story in the Talmud where a bunch of Rabbis were invited to a wedding celebration and the celebration was so lavish and so joyful that they wanted to bring a bit of seriousness to the wedding. They felt that there was so much rejoicing that no one was paying any attention to the serious nature of what a wedding is all about. They took some of the expensive dishes and smashed them to the ground. Immediately everyone was quiet and concerned. The custom stuck.
Today, we set aside a glass to be broken at every wedding. To remind the bride and groom for a moment of the serious nature of the relationship they are entering into. To remind them that life is not all party and rejoicing. And to remember the destruction of Jerusalem and exile of our people. At that time the exiles believed that there would never be another reason to be happy. But they were wrong, we have found a reason to rejoice and so we pause to reflect on the serious for a moment.
The glass itself can be anything made of glass. A simple light bulb, is often used not only because it is glass but because it makes a good "pop" when broken. There are some who sew a glass goblet into a silk bag so that the pieces can be saved with other mementos of the wedding or they can be placed inside some lucite trophy as a lasting memory of the wedding. While these are nice gifts for the bride and groom, the simple light bulb, wrapped in a cloth napkin, is all that is required. After the glass is broken, the guests cry out "Mazal Tov", the bride and groom kiss but the ceremony is not over quite yet.
Next week: Wedding 7: The Wedding Ceremony-Part IV - After the Ceremony
September 6, 2004 - Number 5764-37
Wedding 6 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part III
Following the reading of the Ketubah, and the bride accepting it from the hand of the groom, the next section of the wedding service is the "Sheva Berachot" the seven wedding blessings. The blessings are arranged according to the order of their length, each one longer and more important that the one before. Since there is a blessing for everything in Judaism, it is no surprise that there is a blessing for getting married, but marriage is such an important ritual in Judaism. It is considered to be the most joyful day in a person’s life. It is considered to be one of the most joyful events in the life of the community, that one blessing doesn’t seem to be enough, for that matter even two blessings would not be enough. This is why there are no less than seven blessings in honor of the bride and groom.
The first blessing is over the second cup of wine. The first cup was used in the Arusin blessing at the beginning of the service. Now the cup is refilled (or some wine is added to what remains in the cup) and the cup will be held by the one reciting the blessing. In many weddings the Rabbi or Cantor who are officiating hold the cup while all seven blessings are recited. In some places, each of the seven blessings are assigned as a honor to guests at the wedding. It is a big honor to be asked to recite one of the Sheva Berachot. The cup is passed from hand to hand as each honoree recites the assigned blessing. At the end the cup is returned to the Rabbi or Cantor who then gives it to the bride and groom to drink. They are the only two who will drink from this cup of wine.
The other six blessings are a mixture of individual and communal reasons to celebrate. The second blessing refers to the ceremony being for the glory of G-d. The third blessing thanks G-d as the creator of humanity. The fourth blessing thanks G-d for creating both men and women in the divine image. The fifth blessing is a hope for the gathering of exiles in Jerusalem. The sixth blessing compares this wedding to the first wedding, of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden where G-d officiated. The final blessing, which includes passages from the book of the prophet Jeremiah, combines the joy of marriage to the rejoicing of those who have returned to Jerusalem with great feasting and singing.
After the last blessing, the bride and groom drink the wine (or kosher grape juice). Now the officiant will offer a small D’var Torah to the couple. There is no real reason that this needs to be long. There are times when there are several Rabbis or officiants who wish to speak and the speeches can drag on a bit, but the topic is usually some advice on love and marriage to the couple based on the lives to the couple, on the Parsha of the week or on some other Rabbinic text. It is not in lieu of pre-marital counseling which should be done at a meeting prior to the ceremony.
Many Rabbis will conclude their remarks with a blessing for the couple. This often is in the form of the Birkat Kohanim, the three part blessing that is mentioned in the Torah.
At this point the Rabbi will explain what the breaking of the glass is all about. The origin of breaking a glass comes from a story in the Talmud where a bunch of Rabbis were invited to a wedding celebration and the celebration was so lavish and so joyful that they wanted to bring a bit of seriousness to the wedding. They felt that there was so much rejoicing that no one was paying any attention to the serious nature of what a wedding is all about. They took some of the expensive dishes and smashed them to the ground. Immediately everyone was quiet and concerned. The custom stuck.
Today, we set aside a glass to be broken at every wedding. To remind the bride and groom for a moment of the serious nature of the relationship they are entering into. To remind them that life is not all party and rejoicing. And to remember the destruction of Jerusalem and exile of our people. At that time the exiles believed that there would never be another reason to be happy. But they were wrong, we have found a reason to rejoice and so we pause to reflect on the serious for a moment.
The glass itself can be anything made of glass. A simple light bulb, is often used not only because it is glass but because it makes a good "pop" when broken. There are some who sew a glass goblet into a silk bag so that the pieces can be saved with other mementos of the wedding or they can be placed inside some lucite trophy as a lasting memory of the wedding. While these are nice gifts for the bride and groom, the simple light bulb, wrapped in a cloth napkin, is all that is required. After the glass is broken, the guests cry out "Mazal Tov", the bride and groom kiss but the ceremony is not over quite yet.
Next week: Wedding 7: The Wedding Ceremony-Part IV - After the Ceremony
Monday, August 30, 2004
HMS5764-36; Wedding 5 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part II
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
August 30, 2004 - Number 5764-36
Wedding 5 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part II
We are now ready for the part of the service called Nisuin, the actual wedding itself. As I mentioned last week in #5764-35, There are three ways that the Sages said a person can become married. As part of this ceremony, we will see all three.
First, and article of value will be exchanged. This is usually the ring. Remember that it must have the minimum value of the smallest coin, it must have a value that is easy to ascertain, (without holes in the band and without stones set in the band) and it must belong to the groom). Since this is the first way a person gets married, it is also the one that, for all intents and purposes, is the way Jews get married. The groom places the ring on the index finger of the right hand of the bride so all can see that he has placed it there (she can move it to another finger later, right now it just has to go over the first knuckle). The groom makes a formal declaration to the bride, in Hebrew and in English. "With this ring you are sanctified to me as my wife in accordance with the law of Moses and the People Israel." Whenever a man gives an item of value to a woman and recites this passage in front of two kosher witnesses, that man and woman are married. This is not a passage to play around with. Any man of legal age (that is over age 13 in Jewish Law) is married when he recites this line, even if it is in rehearsal or as an educational enactment. We do not fool around with this because it will require a Jewish Divorce before either party can remarry. It may effect who they can marry later too. We do not play around with this part of the ceremony.
If the bride will be presenting a ring to the groom, she will present it now. There are some who do not permit double ring ceremonies, there is a claim that it nullifies the presentation of the groom. I and many other rabbis do not hold by this but you should check with the Rabbi who is doing the ceremony to insure that there will not be a problem. Some Rabbis, in an effort to be equal, will have the bride recite the female equivalent of the passage recited by the groom. Others will have her recite a verse from some other part of the Bible. The verse from Shir HaShirim, The Song of Songs, that reads, "I am to my beloved as my beloved is to me." is a popular verse for the bride to recite. Jewish Weddings do not have "vows" in the usual sense of the word. The Ketubah spells out the obligations that each party has agreed to so "vows" are unnecessary. Vows can be added, and if they are, they are added before the ring ceremony. The couple can write their own vows or the Rabbi can pronounce them. There is not reason that they should not be egalitarian in nature.
The next step is the reading of the Ketubah. This is the "Shtar" portion of the service. The Wedding Contract is read, first in its original Aramaic, and then the English is read. Since the Aramaic reads like an insurance policy, the English often takes a great deal of poetic license, adding the flowery language that a wedding deserves. After the Rabbi reads the Ketubah and certain that it has been witnessed properly, the Rabbi hands the Ketubah to the groom who then hands it to his bride. Just as with the rings, all she needs to do is accept it from his hand and not reject it and it effects the marriage.
The bride must keep the Ketubah in her home as long as they are married. It is the contract of their marriage. Often a couple will frame it and place it on the wall of their home. Some will make a copy to be placed in their safe deposit box. The original should remain in the home. Without a Ketubah, the Rabbis say a couple can not live together, so this is a rather important document to have around. Since the Ketubah grants rights to the bride, the contract is considered her property.
Next week: Wedding 6: The Wedding Ceremony-Part III - The Sheva Berachot
August 30, 2004 - Number 5764-36
Wedding 5 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part II
We are now ready for the part of the service called Nisuin, the actual wedding itself. As I mentioned last week in #5764-35, There are three ways that the Sages said a person can become married. As part of this ceremony, we will see all three.
First, and article of value will be exchanged. This is usually the ring. Remember that it must have the minimum value of the smallest coin, it must have a value that is easy to ascertain, (without holes in the band and without stones set in the band) and it must belong to the groom). Since this is the first way a person gets married, it is also the one that, for all intents and purposes, is the way Jews get married. The groom places the ring on the index finger of the right hand of the bride so all can see that he has placed it there (she can move it to another finger later, right now it just has to go over the first knuckle). The groom makes a formal declaration to the bride, in Hebrew and in English. "With this ring you are sanctified to me as my wife in accordance with the law of Moses and the People Israel." Whenever a man gives an item of value to a woman and recites this passage in front of two kosher witnesses, that man and woman are married. This is not a passage to play around with. Any man of legal age (that is over age 13 in Jewish Law) is married when he recites this line, even if it is in rehearsal or as an educational enactment. We do not fool around with this because it will require a Jewish Divorce before either party can remarry. It may effect who they can marry later too. We do not play around with this part of the ceremony.
If the bride will be presenting a ring to the groom, she will present it now. There are some who do not permit double ring ceremonies, there is a claim that it nullifies the presentation of the groom. I and many other rabbis do not hold by this but you should check with the Rabbi who is doing the ceremony to insure that there will not be a problem. Some Rabbis, in an effort to be equal, will have the bride recite the female equivalent of the passage recited by the groom. Others will have her recite a verse from some other part of the Bible. The verse from Shir HaShirim, The Song of Songs, that reads, "I am to my beloved as my beloved is to me." is a popular verse for the bride to recite. Jewish Weddings do not have "vows" in the usual sense of the word. The Ketubah spells out the obligations that each party has agreed to so "vows" are unnecessary. Vows can be added, and if they are, they are added before the ring ceremony. The couple can write their own vows or the Rabbi can pronounce them. There is not reason that they should not be egalitarian in nature.
The next step is the reading of the Ketubah. This is the "Shtar" portion of the service. The Wedding Contract is read, first in its original Aramaic, and then the English is read. Since the Aramaic reads like an insurance policy, the English often takes a great deal of poetic license, adding the flowery language that a wedding deserves. After the Rabbi reads the Ketubah and certain that it has been witnessed properly, the Rabbi hands the Ketubah to the groom who then hands it to his bride. Just as with the rings, all she needs to do is accept it from his hand and not reject it and it effects the marriage.
The bride must keep the Ketubah in her home as long as they are married. It is the contract of their marriage. Often a couple will frame it and place it on the wall of their home. Some will make a copy to be placed in their safe deposit box. The original should remain in the home. Without a Ketubah, the Rabbis say a couple can not live together, so this is a rather important document to have around. Since the Ketubah grants rights to the bride, the contract is considered her property.
Next week: Wedding 6: The Wedding Ceremony-Part III - The Sheva Berachot
Monday, August 23, 2004
HMS 5764-35; Wedding 4 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part I
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
August 23, 2004- Number 5764-35
Wedding 4 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part I
Prior to the wedding ceremony, the couple, the Rabbi and two witnesses gather together to begin the formal preparations for the wedding. Judaism does not hold by the superstition that a groom should not see the bride until she walks down the aisle. In some places, there are special celebrations for the bride and groom, with the women attending the celebration for the bride and the men attending the celebration for the groom. The two celebrations then come together for the formal signing of the ketubah. In ancient times, contracts were not signed by the parties to the contract, but by witnesses who affirmed that the two people had indeed entered into an agreement. It is therefore not necessary for the bride and groom to sign the Ketubah, but there must be two witnesses who are not related to either party who must sign for the Ketubah to be valid. In the United States, the civil marriage licence is signed at this time as well. The groom then is given a handkerchief by the Rabbi signifying his acceptance of the terms of the Ketubah. The Bride will signal her acceptance later.
The rings that will be used for the ceremony will then be examined to insure that they are proper for the wedding. The rings used for the ceremony must have three qualifications. It must have a minimum value. It must be worth at least the amount of the smallest coin in use. By size, this means it must be worth a dime! Second, it must have a value that is easy to ascertain. It must be of a metal that is valued by weight (gold or platinum are common) and can have no stones set in it ( because a gem must be valued by an appraiser and thus the value is not easy to ascertain) or any holes in the band (lest it look like a big ring but it is really mostly air). Third, the ring must belong to the groom. He can not give the bride a ring that belongs to someone else. If the couple want to use a ring that has significance to the family ( a family heirloom) it must be sold to the groom prior to the wedding. It can not be given as a gift. A gift, in Judaism can be returned upon the request of the benefactor, but an item sold is not subject to this kind of return.
The groom then places the veil on his bride. It is the custom that this be done by the groom since the days of Jacob and Lavan, in the Torah. Lavan, Jacob’s father-in-law to be, was supposed to let Jacob marry Rachel, but he swapped Rachel for her sister Leah and because of the veil, Jacob did not discover the switch until morning. Since that time the groom puts the veil on his bride to make sure he is marrying the right sister! It is not time for the wedding ceremony and the bride and groom go to the huppah with much singing and celebration.
In the United States, there is a formal wedding procession but this is not the Jewish practice. In most places the entire wedding party accompanies both the bride and groom to the huppah. The Huppah is a small covered "tent like" structure that symbolizes the home that is being founded this day. When a wedding is held outside, it marks off the location of the wedding from the surrounding area. It can be made of most any material and can be held up by friends or be free standing. It can be set up almost anywhere except a few places where one wouldn’t want to be married anyway (bathroom, cemetery. etc.) There is a custom that the groom wear a "kittel" a white garment that reminds us of Yom Kippur. Often the Groom will also wear a tallit. It is the groom who escorts his bride under the Huppah so if the parents of the groom wish to walk the bride to the Huppah, they meet the groom on the way and so she leaves her parents and accompanies the groom to the Huppah.
I have found no legal basis for the bride or groom to circle the other prior to the ceremony. The reasons that are given are custom and there is little agreement as to why this custom is done. I can only assume that this is a remnant of an old superstition relating to magic circles. There is thus no reason for the circling. Most of the reasons given today are misogynist in extreme. While it is not forbidden, I don’t encourage it.
The bride and groom, once they arrive under the Huppah are welcomed with the standard greeting for all such happy occasions (like a brit milah or pidyon haben) with "Baruch HaBah - Blessed are you who have come." If the wedding is taking place in a synagogue, we add, "We bless you from this House of G-d" the Rabbi takes the first cup of wine and pronounces the blessing of Arusin, the formal engagement blessing. We talked about Arusin last week (#5764-34) and we mentioned that once this blessing was done a year in advance of the wedding but now it is part of the wedding service. After the blessing, the bride and groom drink the first cup of wine. (The wine must be Kosher and it must be grape wine lest the blessings be in vain. It does not matter if the wine is sweet or dry, white or rose or red)
Next week: Wedding 5: The Wedding Ceremony-Part II
August 23, 2004- Number 5764-35
Wedding 4 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part I
Prior to the wedding ceremony, the couple, the Rabbi and two witnesses gather together to begin the formal preparations for the wedding. Judaism does not hold by the superstition that a groom should not see the bride until she walks down the aisle. In some places, there are special celebrations for the bride and groom, with the women attending the celebration for the bride and the men attending the celebration for the groom. The two celebrations then come together for the formal signing of the ketubah. In ancient times, contracts were not signed by the parties to the contract, but by witnesses who affirmed that the two people had indeed entered into an agreement. It is therefore not necessary for the bride and groom to sign the Ketubah, but there must be two witnesses who are not related to either party who must sign for the Ketubah to be valid. In the United States, the civil marriage licence is signed at this time as well. The groom then is given a handkerchief by the Rabbi signifying his acceptance of the terms of the Ketubah. The Bride will signal her acceptance later.
The rings that will be used for the ceremony will then be examined to insure that they are proper for the wedding. The rings used for the ceremony must have three qualifications. It must have a minimum value. It must be worth at least the amount of the smallest coin in use. By size, this means it must be worth a dime! Second, it must have a value that is easy to ascertain. It must be of a metal that is valued by weight (gold or platinum are common) and can have no stones set in it ( because a gem must be valued by an appraiser and thus the value is not easy to ascertain) or any holes in the band (lest it look like a big ring but it is really mostly air). Third, the ring must belong to the groom. He can not give the bride a ring that belongs to someone else. If the couple want to use a ring that has significance to the family ( a family heirloom) it must be sold to the groom prior to the wedding. It can not be given as a gift. A gift, in Judaism can be returned upon the request of the benefactor, but an item sold is not subject to this kind of return.
The groom then places the veil on his bride. It is the custom that this be done by the groom since the days of Jacob and Lavan, in the Torah. Lavan, Jacob’s father-in-law to be, was supposed to let Jacob marry Rachel, but he swapped Rachel for her sister Leah and because of the veil, Jacob did not discover the switch until morning. Since that time the groom puts the veil on his bride to make sure he is marrying the right sister! It is not time for the wedding ceremony and the bride and groom go to the huppah with much singing and celebration.
In the United States, there is a formal wedding procession but this is not the Jewish practice. In most places the entire wedding party accompanies both the bride and groom to the huppah. The Huppah is a small covered "tent like" structure that symbolizes the home that is being founded this day. When a wedding is held outside, it marks off the location of the wedding from the surrounding area. It can be made of most any material and can be held up by friends or be free standing. It can be set up almost anywhere except a few places where one wouldn’t want to be married anyway (bathroom, cemetery. etc.) There is a custom that the groom wear a "kittel" a white garment that reminds us of Yom Kippur. Often the Groom will also wear a tallit. It is the groom who escorts his bride under the Huppah so if the parents of the groom wish to walk the bride to the Huppah, they meet the groom on the way and so she leaves her parents and accompanies the groom to the Huppah.
I have found no legal basis for the bride or groom to circle the other prior to the ceremony. The reasons that are given are custom and there is little agreement as to why this custom is done. I can only assume that this is a remnant of an old superstition relating to magic circles. There is thus no reason for the circling. Most of the reasons given today are misogynist in extreme. While it is not forbidden, I don’t encourage it.
The bride and groom, once they arrive under the Huppah are welcomed with the standard greeting for all such happy occasions (like a brit milah or pidyon haben) with "Baruch HaBah - Blessed are you who have come." If the wedding is taking place in a synagogue, we add, "We bless you from this House of G-d" the Rabbi takes the first cup of wine and pronounces the blessing of Arusin, the formal engagement blessing. We talked about Arusin last week (#5764-34) and we mentioned that once this blessing was done a year in advance of the wedding but now it is part of the wedding service. After the blessing, the bride and groom drink the first cup of wine. (The wine must be Kosher and it must be grape wine lest the blessings be in vain. It does not matter if the wine is sweet or dry, white or rose or red)
Next week: Wedding 5: The Wedding Ceremony-Part II
Monday, August 16, 2004
HMS 5764-34; Wedding 3 - The Ketubah
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
August 16, 2004 - Number 5764-34
Wedding 3 - The Ketubah
Since Weddings are not part of the Torah, the Talmud picks up where the Torah is silent. According to the Rabbis of the Talmud, a man "acquires" a wife in one of three ways: With "Kesef", By "Shtar" or with "Bi-ah". The term "Kesef" means "money". By giving a woman a gift that has a value, the man and woman are married. Today this is accomplished when the man gives the woman a ring.
"Shtar" means "contract" a man and woman are married when a man hands the woman a contract that provides some monetary security. Today, this contract is called a "Ketubah".
"Bi-ah" refers to sexual intimacy. When a man and woman initiate a sexual relationship with marriage in mind, and two witnesses see them go into a room and spend time there alone. This also constitutes a marriage. The Sages admitted that this was a legal marriage, but they promised to flog any man who would take a wife this way. It was undignified for both parties and left the woman unprotected if the man wanted a divorce.
The origin of the Ketubah is in a simple financial arrangement. The price a man had to pay his future father-in-law became so high that the Rabbis were concerned that men would no longer marry. To relive this situation, the Sages ruled that the man could issue a "promissary note" for the amount of money (in ancient days, it was 200 zuzim, a great sum of money since you only need 2 zuzim for one goat) the man promised to pay the 200 zuzim if he were to predecease his wife or if he were to divorce her. This money represented a first mortgage on all his property and was actually paid in land. It was the first claim on his estate after he had died and secured the position of the widow so she would not fall into poverty.
Today we are used to seeing the Ketubah as a work of art, often commissioned especially for the wedding. We hear all kinds of beautiful language read at the wedding, but what we hear at a wedding in English has little relationship to the Aramaic text of the Ketubah. Since ancient days, the wording of the Ketubah reads, literally, like an insurance policy, because that is what it, in effect, really is. It is not romantic at all, rather is spells out the financial relationship between the husband and wife. At the wedding he signs the document and it is witnessed by two who are unrelated to either the bride or the groom, and then the groom hands the document to the bride under the Huppah. When she accepts it from his hand, they have been married according to the second definition of a wedding as described above.
While there is a custom in the Western Hemisphere, for the groom not to see the bride before the wedding, this is really just an old superstition. In a Jewish wedding the groom must see the bride before the wedding and usually it is right after the Ketubah is signed. Today, the Ketubah is signed by both the bride and the groom.
In the middle of the last century, the Conservative Movement added a clause to the Ketubah to help ease the plight of those who were stuck in a marriage when their partner refused to grant them a divorce. Sometimes there would be cases of extortion and pure greed that prevented a couple from ending a bad marriage. Without a proper Jewish Divorce, neither party could ever remarry. This clause in the Ketubah, called the "Liberman clause" after Rabbi Saul Liberman, a great Talmudic authority at the Jewish Theological Seminary in New York. It had both bride and groom promise to arbitrate and disputes in their marriage before a Rabbinical court and abide by its decision. It’s use has waned in recent years because of other remedies for divorce that have become popular that don’t cause one to think about divorce on the wedding day.
While the standard amount of a Ketubah is still 200 zuzim (today it is only a symbolic amount. A zuz no longer buys what it used to.) The Sephardim often put large sums of real money into their Ketubot as a sign of the love and affection for the bride. Conservative Judaism has not adopted this practice as it only complicates things should the relationship ever end up in divorce. It may seem strange that much of the wedding rituals also relate to divorce rituals as well, but the Rabbis did not create a wedding without creating a way out of marriage. Divorce is possible by Torah Law, and the Sages had to establish those rituals as well. They saw Divorce as "undoing" a marriage. So the two rituals are closely related. The Ketubah, the document of marriage, is nullified only by the Get, the Jewish document of divorce.
Next week: Wedding 4: The Wedding Ceremony
August 16, 2004 - Number 5764-34
Wedding 3 - The Ketubah
Since Weddings are not part of the Torah, the Talmud picks up where the Torah is silent. According to the Rabbis of the Talmud, a man "acquires" a wife in one of three ways: With "Kesef", By "Shtar" or with "Bi-ah". The term "Kesef" means "money". By giving a woman a gift that has a value, the man and woman are married. Today this is accomplished when the man gives the woman a ring.
"Shtar" means "contract" a man and woman are married when a man hands the woman a contract that provides some monetary security. Today, this contract is called a "Ketubah".
"Bi-ah" refers to sexual intimacy. When a man and woman initiate a sexual relationship with marriage in mind, and two witnesses see them go into a room and spend time there alone. This also constitutes a marriage. The Sages admitted that this was a legal marriage, but they promised to flog any man who would take a wife this way. It was undignified for both parties and left the woman unprotected if the man wanted a divorce.
The origin of the Ketubah is in a simple financial arrangement. The price a man had to pay his future father-in-law became so high that the Rabbis were concerned that men would no longer marry. To relive this situation, the Sages ruled that the man could issue a "promissary note" for the amount of money (in ancient days, it was 200 zuzim, a great sum of money since you only need 2 zuzim for one goat) the man promised to pay the 200 zuzim if he were to predecease his wife or if he were to divorce her. This money represented a first mortgage on all his property and was actually paid in land. It was the first claim on his estate after he had died and secured the position of the widow so she would not fall into poverty.
Today we are used to seeing the Ketubah as a work of art, often commissioned especially for the wedding. We hear all kinds of beautiful language read at the wedding, but what we hear at a wedding in English has little relationship to the Aramaic text of the Ketubah. Since ancient days, the wording of the Ketubah reads, literally, like an insurance policy, because that is what it, in effect, really is. It is not romantic at all, rather is spells out the financial relationship between the husband and wife. At the wedding he signs the document and it is witnessed by two who are unrelated to either the bride or the groom, and then the groom hands the document to the bride under the Huppah. When she accepts it from his hand, they have been married according to the second definition of a wedding as described above.
While there is a custom in the Western Hemisphere, for the groom not to see the bride before the wedding, this is really just an old superstition. In a Jewish wedding the groom must see the bride before the wedding and usually it is right after the Ketubah is signed. Today, the Ketubah is signed by both the bride and the groom.
In the middle of the last century, the Conservative Movement added a clause to the Ketubah to help ease the plight of those who were stuck in a marriage when their partner refused to grant them a divorce. Sometimes there would be cases of extortion and pure greed that prevented a couple from ending a bad marriage. Without a proper Jewish Divorce, neither party could ever remarry. This clause in the Ketubah, called the "Liberman clause" after Rabbi Saul Liberman, a great Talmudic authority at the Jewish Theological Seminary in New York. It had both bride and groom promise to arbitrate and disputes in their marriage before a Rabbinical court and abide by its decision. It’s use has waned in recent years because of other remedies for divorce that have become popular that don’t cause one to think about divorce on the wedding day.
While the standard amount of a Ketubah is still 200 zuzim (today it is only a symbolic amount. A zuz no longer buys what it used to.) The Sephardim often put large sums of real money into their Ketubot as a sign of the love and affection for the bride. Conservative Judaism has not adopted this practice as it only complicates things should the relationship ever end up in divorce. It may seem strange that much of the wedding rituals also relate to divorce rituals as well, but the Rabbis did not create a wedding without creating a way out of marriage. Divorce is possible by Torah Law, and the Sages had to establish those rituals as well. They saw Divorce as "undoing" a marriage. So the two rituals are closely related. The Ketubah, the document of marriage, is nullified only by the Get, the Jewish document of divorce.
Next week: Wedding 4: The Wedding Ceremony
Monday, June 21, 2004
HMS 5764-33; Wedding 2 - Engagement
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
June 21, 2004- Number 5764-33
Wedding 2 - Engagement
While we can find plenty of example of marriages in the Bible, even in the Torah itself, There are virtually no Mitzvot in the Torah relating to HOW to get married. The only real hint of a wedding ceremony is the story of Jacob and Rachel where we learn that a wedding takes more than one day, that the bride was veiled, that a groom (or his family) had to pay a "bride-price" to the father of the bride. There also seems to be some issue of consent by the bride and groom, that is the parents could not arrange a marriage without their knowledge and consent. None of these things, however, is in the category of law. It is from these hints that Jewish wedding laws have grown but it should be understood that the whole wedding process is Rabbinic in nature. The Rabbis decide who can and can not get married, what the wedding rituals will be and what will be the legal ramifications of marriage.
The Talmud notes three stages to marriage. 1. Shidduchin: engagement (what we would call serious dating) 2. Arusin: Betrothal (what we would call engagement although to the rabbis this had different connotations.) And 3. Nisuin: Nupitals (the wedding ceremony itself)
Shidduchin- This is a state where the couple have informally agreed to be married, but there is no legal obligation. It was a festive and formal announcement by the family that the two will be married pending the negotiations as to the time, place, and size of the wedding as well as the obligations of each family to pay for what parts of the ceremonies and the dowery and maintenance of the bride and groom. These were incorporated in a document called "tenaiim" and it was a binding contract for the marriage. There was also a penalty stipulated for violating the agreement or breaking the engagement. In some places this agreement was "sealed" by the two future mother-in-laws breaking a plate. In the past breaking this agreement was a serious breach and while it did not affect the status of the bride and groom, it could have a serious effect on the moral standing of the family who breaks it. Today this ceremony is largely ceremonial and social in nature. The usual custom is that the groom gives his bride a ring and a public or written announcement is made. If the engagement is broken, the ring and other gifts should be returned.
Arusin: Is the formal engagement of the couple. Once it has been performed, the bride is forbidden to any other man that the groom. In past centuries, the Arusin would preceed the Nisuin by and interval of about 12 months. During this time the groom would gather the financial resources to pay the dowery and the bride would collect the items that she was required to bring into her home after the wedding. It was a time when the terms of the tenaiim would be fulfilled. The only difference was that if the engagement were broken after Arusin, than the couple would require a divorce and would carry the stigma of divorce in their lives. Arusin is performed by reciting a special blessing over a cup of wine, with the groom presenting to the bride an object (ring or other object) worth a "perutah" or more and reciting the formula of Kiddushin. This ceremony bound the couple together but they were not permitted to live together as husband and wife. Only after Nisuin could the couple set up a home together.
Today, Arusin and Nisuin are done one after the other in the Wedding ceremony and there is no longer a waiting period between them. Some say that the uncertain life of the Jews in Europe let to the demise of the Arusin period, when it could not be certain that the bride and groom could survive the turmoil of the year and make it to the wedding. If the groom disappeared during this time, the bride would be stuck waiting for him to either return and marry her, return and end the engagement or that there would be proof that he had died.
Next week: Wedding 3: The Ketubah
June 21, 2004- Number 5764-33
Wedding 2 - Engagement
While we can find plenty of example of marriages in the Bible, even in the Torah itself, There are virtually no Mitzvot in the Torah relating to HOW to get married. The only real hint of a wedding ceremony is the story of Jacob and Rachel where we learn that a wedding takes more than one day, that the bride was veiled, that a groom (or his family) had to pay a "bride-price" to the father of the bride. There also seems to be some issue of consent by the bride and groom, that is the parents could not arrange a marriage without their knowledge and consent. None of these things, however, is in the category of law. It is from these hints that Jewish wedding laws have grown but it should be understood that the whole wedding process is Rabbinic in nature. The Rabbis decide who can and can not get married, what the wedding rituals will be and what will be the legal ramifications of marriage.
The Talmud notes three stages to marriage. 1. Shidduchin: engagement (what we would call serious dating) 2. Arusin: Betrothal (what we would call engagement although to the rabbis this had different connotations.) And 3. Nisuin: Nupitals (the wedding ceremony itself)
Shidduchin- This is a state where the couple have informally agreed to be married, but there is no legal obligation. It was a festive and formal announcement by the family that the two will be married pending the negotiations as to the time, place, and size of the wedding as well as the obligations of each family to pay for what parts of the ceremonies and the dowery and maintenance of the bride and groom. These were incorporated in a document called "tenaiim" and it was a binding contract for the marriage. There was also a penalty stipulated for violating the agreement or breaking the engagement. In some places this agreement was "sealed" by the two future mother-in-laws breaking a plate. In the past breaking this agreement was a serious breach and while it did not affect the status of the bride and groom, it could have a serious effect on the moral standing of the family who breaks it. Today this ceremony is largely ceremonial and social in nature. The usual custom is that the groom gives his bride a ring and a public or written announcement is made. If the engagement is broken, the ring and other gifts should be returned.
Arusin: Is the formal engagement of the couple. Once it has been performed, the bride is forbidden to any other man that the groom. In past centuries, the Arusin would preceed the Nisuin by and interval of about 12 months. During this time the groom would gather the financial resources to pay the dowery and the bride would collect the items that she was required to bring into her home after the wedding. It was a time when the terms of the tenaiim would be fulfilled. The only difference was that if the engagement were broken after Arusin, than the couple would require a divorce and would carry the stigma of divorce in their lives. Arusin is performed by reciting a special blessing over a cup of wine, with the groom presenting to the bride an object (ring or other object) worth a "perutah" or more and reciting the formula of Kiddushin. This ceremony bound the couple together but they were not permitted to live together as husband and wife. Only after Nisuin could the couple set up a home together.
Today, Arusin and Nisuin are done one after the other in the Wedding ceremony and there is no longer a waiting period between them. Some say that the uncertain life of the Jews in Europe let to the demise of the Arusin period, when it could not be certain that the bride and groom could survive the turmoil of the year and make it to the wedding. If the groom disappeared during this time, the bride would be stuck waiting for him to either return and marry her, return and end the engagement or that there would be proof that he had died.
Next week: Wedding 3: The Ketubah
HMS 5764-32; Wedding 1 - Who Can Marry and Who Can Not
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
June 21, 2004- Number 5764-32
Wedding 1 - Who Can Marry and Who Can Not
Marriage is one of the most sacred institutions in Judaism. It is called, in Hebrew, "Kiddushin" for through marriage the marital bond is sanctified, it becomes not just a bond between a husband and wife, but also a bonding of both to G-d. It is the relationship that makes us most like G-d, in that through marriage, creation of life becomes possible. In addition, because Judaism is a religion that depends on strong families, our faith has an abiding interest in keeping marriage strong. Without strong marriages, the very foundation of Judaism can be weakened.
To create strong marriages, Judaism has many rules and regulations to protect Jewish interests in marriage. We have a tendency to see marriage as the love between two people. But marriage is more than the relationship. It carries with it the hopes and dreams of a family, of a community and of the religion. In the same way that civil law regulates marriage to prevent abuses and to create a strong society, so too Judaism speaks to what is permitted and not permitted in marriage. The first rules are over who we may or may not marry.
Jewish Law forbids the marriage between two people: 1. Who are ancestor and descendant; 2. A brother or sister or a half-brother or half-sister; 3. While civil law prohibits the marriage between an uncle and a niece or a aunt and nephew, Judaism does permit this. In addition, there are other forbidden unions. One can not marry any person who is already married (a divorce is required first);One can not marry a person who was born from a marriage that was either incestuous or adulterous. A man can not remarry a woman he has divorce after she has married another man who then died or divorced her. (This is to prevent women from being traded between men as if they were objects. It is an anti-prostitution law by the Rabbis); Jewish Law forbids the marriage of a Kohen to a divorced woman or a convert. The Law and Standards Committee of the Conservative Movement has permitted these marriages under certain circumstances. A person who divorced because of adultery can not marry the person with whom she had the adulterous union.
Judaism does not see all forbidden marriages as equal. Some are just plain invalid and if one were to disregard the law, the marriage would be null and void. No divorce is necessary since the marriage is invalid and not binding. Other marriages are also forbidden but not illegal. In these cases if one were to disregard the law, then Judaism would accept that a marriage had taken place but would require an immediate divorce.
Polygamy was once permitted in Judaism but since the year 1000 CE, it has been forbidden in Judaism. In fact, from Rabbinic times, there were few who had more than one wife and the feeling of scholars is that in the year 1000 CE, Rabbenu Gershom, who published this anti-polygamy law, was only stating what has in fact been the practice for hundreds of years. There is a provision for a man to resort to polygamy but in today’s world, it would only apply in the case where the first wife is mentally ill and unable to accept the get from her husband.
Next week: Wedding 2: Engagement
Beryl Glansberg writes about last weeks lesson on Blessings:
"Blessings could also apply to relationships that we have with other human beings as well as God. I think that if you are not thankful to your family, loved ones and those you come in contact with, blessing them every day, you are accepting a gift without acknowledging it. This could be perceived as stealing also. Many times Jews are under a misperception that you pray to God and cultivate that relationship, while the treasures and blessings of people you come in contact with go unacknowledged"
I respond:
We are far more likely to say "Thank you" to people we meet than we are to show proper gratitude to G-d. But Beryl is correct, we need to show our appreciation for all that we have in this world, not just the material things, but our relationships as well. Remember that human beings are created in G-d’s image and deserve the same respect we give to G-d. Whether we are "using" this world without thanking (blessing) G-d or "using" people, without showing proper gratitude, we are indeed stealing from others for our own personal needs.
June 21, 2004- Number 5764-32
Wedding 1 - Who Can Marry and Who Can Not
Marriage is one of the most sacred institutions in Judaism. It is called, in Hebrew, "Kiddushin" for through marriage the marital bond is sanctified, it becomes not just a bond between a husband and wife, but also a bonding of both to G-d. It is the relationship that makes us most like G-d, in that through marriage, creation of life becomes possible. In addition, because Judaism is a religion that depends on strong families, our faith has an abiding interest in keeping marriage strong. Without strong marriages, the very foundation of Judaism can be weakened.
To create strong marriages, Judaism has many rules and regulations to protect Jewish interests in marriage. We have a tendency to see marriage as the love between two people. But marriage is more than the relationship. It carries with it the hopes and dreams of a family, of a community and of the religion. In the same way that civil law regulates marriage to prevent abuses and to create a strong society, so too Judaism speaks to what is permitted and not permitted in marriage. The first rules are over who we may or may not marry.
Jewish Law forbids the marriage between two people: 1. Who are ancestor and descendant; 2. A brother or sister or a half-brother or half-sister; 3. While civil law prohibits the marriage between an uncle and a niece or a aunt and nephew, Judaism does permit this. In addition, there are other forbidden unions. One can not marry any person who is already married (a divorce is required first);One can not marry a person who was born from a marriage that was either incestuous or adulterous. A man can not remarry a woman he has divorce after she has married another man who then died or divorced her. (This is to prevent women from being traded between men as if they were objects. It is an anti-prostitution law by the Rabbis); Jewish Law forbids the marriage of a Kohen to a divorced woman or a convert. The Law and Standards Committee of the Conservative Movement has permitted these marriages under certain circumstances. A person who divorced because of adultery can not marry the person with whom she had the adulterous union.
Judaism does not see all forbidden marriages as equal. Some are just plain invalid and if one were to disregard the law, the marriage would be null and void. No divorce is necessary since the marriage is invalid and not binding. Other marriages are also forbidden but not illegal. In these cases if one were to disregard the law, then Judaism would accept that a marriage had taken place but would require an immediate divorce.
Polygamy was once permitted in Judaism but since the year 1000 CE, it has been forbidden in Judaism. In fact, from Rabbinic times, there were few who had more than one wife and the feeling of scholars is that in the year 1000 CE, Rabbenu Gershom, who published this anti-polygamy law, was only stating what has in fact been the practice for hundreds of years. There is a provision for a man to resort to polygamy but in today’s world, it would only apply in the case where the first wife is mentally ill and unable to accept the get from her husband.
Next week: Wedding 2: Engagement
Beryl Glansberg writes about last weeks lesson on Blessings:
"Blessings could also apply to relationships that we have with other human beings as well as God. I think that if you are not thankful to your family, loved ones and those you come in contact with, blessing them every day, you are accepting a gift without acknowledging it. This could be perceived as stealing also. Many times Jews are under a misperception that you pray to God and cultivate that relationship, while the treasures and blessings of people you come in contact with go unacknowledged"
I respond:
We are far more likely to say "Thank you" to people we meet than we are to show proper gratitude to G-d. But Beryl is correct, we need to show our appreciation for all that we have in this world, not just the material things, but our relationships as well. Remember that human beings are created in G-d’s image and deserve the same respect we give to G-d. Whether we are "using" this world without thanking (blessing) G-d or "using" people, without showing proper gratitude, we are indeed stealing from others for our own personal needs.
Monday, June 14, 2004
HMS 5764-31; Blessings for Different Occasions
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
June 14, 2004- Number 5764-31
Blessings for Different Occasions
What is a blessing? According to the Talmud it is any prayer that begins with a formula that mentions both the name of G-d (the four letter name that is never pronounced, that we vocalize as "Adonai") and the G-d as ruler of the world (in Hebrew "Malchut"). The standard blessing format "Praised are You, Lord our G-d, Ruler of the Universe..." meets this criteria and is the basis for all blessings. Note that the Amida, the most ancient prayer in our Siddur, does not meet this criteria in its opening words. This is because the Amida predates the standardization of the blessing format.
Blessings have two forms, the short form, which opens with the phrasing above, and the long form which begins the same way, but ends with a "summary" (in Hebrew: Hatimah) that begins with "Praised are you Lord...." and concludes with a summary of the meaning of the blessing. When one long blessing follows another, we do not need to repeat the opening blessing and the Hatimah serves to keep the blessings separate.
Blessings are considered to be a way of showing our gratitude for all that G-d does for us in life. The Sages insisted that we recite 100 blessings a day as a way of understanding how dependant we are on G-d for almost every aspect of our life. I should add here that with the blessings that are recited as part of the liturgy of Shacharit, Mincha and Maariv, as well as with the Birkat HaMazon recited after meals, we can easily cover 100 blessings a day.
We are told that there is a blessing for everything in Judaism and this is very true. What does not have a specific blessing assigned to it, can be remembered in a series of generic blessings. For example, the Daily Amidah has no less than 19 blessings that refer to almost every aspect of our needs that we share with G-d. The 15th blessing is a generic blessing asking G-d to hear our prayers, those we say and those we feel in our hearts.
There are few sources that have EVERY possible blessing listed. Most are not easily available. Any good Siddur has a list of the most common blessings collected in a section on blessings. Siddurim that are specific for certain occasions may not carry these lists of blessings, but every "all purpose" Siddur will certainly have this list. You can find it in the large Sim Shalom (the complete version for Shabbat and Weekdays) beginning on page 708. There are blessings for all kinds of foods; i.e. spices, fruits, vegetables, wine, bread, cake and cookies, for eating the first fruit of the season and a generic blessing for all foods that don’t fit easily into one category or another. There is a blessing for smells; i.e. fragrant trees, spices, fruits and oils: blessings for natural events; i.e. seeing a storm, hearing thunder, seeing a rainbow, spring flowers, seeing the ocean or seeing something beautiful in nature. There are blessings for seeing special people, i.e. seeing a learned person, a head of state, or an exceptionally beautiful person. There is a blessing to be recited when hearing good news, and one for hearing bad news. There is a blessing for visiting a place where miracles occurred for our ancestors and when our own personal miracles occurred. There is a blessing for affixing a mezuza to a house, and for wearing new articles of clothing. There are blessings to recite when we witness a birth and a different blessing when we are confronted with death. Even in death we have a reason to thank G-d.
The Rabbis call the one who uses this world and does not thank the Creator, a theif.
Next week: Wedding I: Who can marry and who can not
June 14, 2004- Number 5764-31
Blessings for Different Occasions
What is a blessing? According to the Talmud it is any prayer that begins with a formula that mentions both the name of G-d (the four letter name that is never pronounced, that we vocalize as "Adonai") and the G-d as ruler of the world (in Hebrew "Malchut"). The standard blessing format "Praised are You, Lord our G-d, Ruler of the Universe..." meets this criteria and is the basis for all blessings. Note that the Amida, the most ancient prayer in our Siddur, does not meet this criteria in its opening words. This is because the Amida predates the standardization of the blessing format.
Blessings have two forms, the short form, which opens with the phrasing above, and the long form which begins the same way, but ends with a "summary" (in Hebrew: Hatimah) that begins with "Praised are you Lord...." and concludes with a summary of the meaning of the blessing. When one long blessing follows another, we do not need to repeat the opening blessing and the Hatimah serves to keep the blessings separate.
Blessings are considered to be a way of showing our gratitude for all that G-d does for us in life. The Sages insisted that we recite 100 blessings a day as a way of understanding how dependant we are on G-d for almost every aspect of our life. I should add here that with the blessings that are recited as part of the liturgy of Shacharit, Mincha and Maariv, as well as with the Birkat HaMazon recited after meals, we can easily cover 100 blessings a day.
We are told that there is a blessing for everything in Judaism and this is very true. What does not have a specific blessing assigned to it, can be remembered in a series of generic blessings. For example, the Daily Amidah has no less than 19 blessings that refer to almost every aspect of our needs that we share with G-d. The 15th blessing is a generic blessing asking G-d to hear our prayers, those we say and those we feel in our hearts.
There are few sources that have EVERY possible blessing listed. Most are not easily available. Any good Siddur has a list of the most common blessings collected in a section on blessings. Siddurim that are specific for certain occasions may not carry these lists of blessings, but every "all purpose" Siddur will certainly have this list. You can find it in the large Sim Shalom (the complete version for Shabbat and Weekdays) beginning on page 708. There are blessings for all kinds of foods; i.e. spices, fruits, vegetables, wine, bread, cake and cookies, for eating the first fruit of the season and a generic blessing for all foods that don’t fit easily into one category or another. There is a blessing for smells; i.e. fragrant trees, spices, fruits and oils: blessings for natural events; i.e. seeing a storm, hearing thunder, seeing a rainbow, spring flowers, seeing the ocean or seeing something beautiful in nature. There are blessings for seeing special people, i.e. seeing a learned person, a head of state, or an exceptionally beautiful person. There is a blessing to be recited when hearing good news, and one for hearing bad news. There is a blessing for visiting a place where miracles occurred for our ancestors and when our own personal miracles occurred. There is a blessing for affixing a mezuza to a house, and for wearing new articles of clothing. There are blessings to recite when we witness a birth and a different blessing when we are confronted with death. Even in death we have a reason to thank G-d.
The Rabbis call the one who uses this world and does not thank the Creator, a theif.
Next week: Wedding I: Who can marry and who can not
Sunday, June 6, 2004
HMS 5764-30; Tephillin
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
June 6, 2004 - Number 5764-30
Tephillin
The Shema requires us to remember G-d, placing that remembrance upon our arm and between our eyes. This is the basic source of Tephillin. Tephillin consists of two black leather boxes containing the four passages Torah passages that speak about Tephillin (Deut 6:4-9; 11:13-21; Ex. 13:1-10; 13:11-16). The two boxes are not at all similar. The one that is worn on the head (Called "Shel Rosh") has the imprint of the Hebrew Letter "Shin" on two sides, while the one worn on the arm (Called "Shel Yad") is plain. The Shel Rosh has four compartments inside, one for each of the four passages inscribed on separate scrolls. The Shel Yad has only one compartment and all four passages are written on one scroll inside. The Shel Rosh has a strap that has a fixed loop that must be sized for the head that will be wearing it. The knot in that loop looks like a square with four compartments although there are some who have a knot that looks like a right angle with three compartments. This knot, when square, is called a "double daled" knot because it looks like two of the Hebrew letters "daled" placed opposite each other. The right angle knot is called a "single daled" because it looks like one "daled". The ends of these straps are long and hang down past the hips. The Shel Rosh is worn with the box in the front, just above the hairline (or in case of baldness, where the hairline used to be) and the knot is placed in the back at the nape of the neck. The ends of the strap are brought around the front and hand over the shoulders. When the box is in place the blessing for the Shel Rosh is recited
The Shel Yad has a slip knot that has a long extension on it that looks like the letter "yod" The knot must always be touching the box (the cover for the Shel Yad may have a corner cut out so the knot will touch the box even when the Tephillin are wrapped up and stored away) The Shel Yad is worn on the "weak" hand (that is on the left for right-handers and on the right for left-handers) the box is place on the bicept with the knot on the inside of the arm. It is then tightened so that it stays in place. The blessing for the Shel Yad is then recited. The long strap is then wound around the lower part of the arm seven times above the wrist. The Shel Yad is then wrapped around the hand. There are many customs as to how the hand should be wrapped and the usual custom is to follow what your father or grandfather has done. If unsure, consult a Rabbi. All customs require that the strap be wound three times around the longest finger. Usually the straps will spell out the Hebrew word "Shadai" (that is "shin", "daled" and "yod") There is a special passage from the book of Hosea that is recited as we wind the strap around our finger.
The order of putting on Tephillin is to first put the Shel Yad on the arm but not wind it around the finger. Then put on the Shel Rosh, and then finish the Shel Yad. The boxes should touch the head and arm with nothing coming between them. All Jewish males over the age of 13 wear Tephillin and women who choose to do so may also wear them. For women it should not be a "once in a while" event, if a woman chooses to wear Tephillin, she should commit to wearing it every day. When taking off the Tephillin, one takes them off in the exact reverse order, first the hand, then the head and then the arm. They should be placed in the bag in such a way that the correct one will always be taken out in the proper order. Since Yad is put on first, it should be taken out first.
Tephillin are worn only for the weekday morning service. Since they are called "ot" meaning a "symbol" worn on the hand and on the head, they are not worn on Shabbat or Holidays which are also considered a symbol in their own right and we don’t need two symbols at the same time. The only time Tephillin are worn at Mincha, the afternoon service, is on Tisha B’av. When praying at home alone, when you first wake up in the morning, one should first take care of all hygenic needs, dress and then put on the Tephillin and pray. One can wear Tephillin without a minyan. There are many customs about whether or not to wear Tephillin on the intermediate days of holidays (Hol HaMoed) Our custom is not to wear them at all. Those who do wear them take them off before Hallel. On weekdays they are removed at the end of the service.
One stands when putting Tephillin on. Someone who is ill and cannot keep their body clean (i.e. diarrhea) should not wear Tephillin. Someone in severe pain should not wear Tephillin because they can not pay attention to their meaning. One should not sleep or eat while wearing Tephillin. It is usual to have Tephillin checked by a scribe twice in a seven year period or whenever there is a concern that the parchment may have been damaged. (i.e. from water)
Next week: Blessings for Different Occasions
June 6, 2004 - Number 5764-30
Tephillin
The Shema requires us to remember G-d, placing that remembrance upon our arm and between our eyes. This is the basic source of Tephillin. Tephillin consists of two black leather boxes containing the four passages Torah passages that speak about Tephillin (Deut 6:4-9; 11:13-21; Ex. 13:1-10; 13:11-16). The two boxes are not at all similar. The one that is worn on the head (Called "Shel Rosh") has the imprint of the Hebrew Letter "Shin" on two sides, while the one worn on the arm (Called "Shel Yad") is plain. The Shel Rosh has four compartments inside, one for each of the four passages inscribed on separate scrolls. The Shel Yad has only one compartment and all four passages are written on one scroll inside. The Shel Rosh has a strap that has a fixed loop that must be sized for the head that will be wearing it. The knot in that loop looks like a square with four compartments although there are some who have a knot that looks like a right angle with three compartments. This knot, when square, is called a "double daled" knot because it looks like two of the Hebrew letters "daled" placed opposite each other. The right angle knot is called a "single daled" because it looks like one "daled". The ends of these straps are long and hang down past the hips. The Shel Rosh is worn with the box in the front, just above the hairline (or in case of baldness, where the hairline used to be) and the knot is placed in the back at the nape of the neck. The ends of the strap are brought around the front and hand over the shoulders. When the box is in place the blessing for the Shel Rosh is recited
The Shel Yad has a slip knot that has a long extension on it that looks like the letter "yod" The knot must always be touching the box (the cover for the Shel Yad may have a corner cut out so the knot will touch the box even when the Tephillin are wrapped up and stored away) The Shel Yad is worn on the "weak" hand (that is on the left for right-handers and on the right for left-handers) the box is place on the bicept with the knot on the inside of the arm. It is then tightened so that it stays in place. The blessing for the Shel Yad is then recited. The long strap is then wound around the lower part of the arm seven times above the wrist. The Shel Yad is then wrapped around the hand. There are many customs as to how the hand should be wrapped and the usual custom is to follow what your father or grandfather has done. If unsure, consult a Rabbi. All customs require that the strap be wound three times around the longest finger. Usually the straps will spell out the Hebrew word "Shadai" (that is "shin", "daled" and "yod") There is a special passage from the book of Hosea that is recited as we wind the strap around our finger.
The order of putting on Tephillin is to first put the Shel Yad on the arm but not wind it around the finger. Then put on the Shel Rosh, and then finish the Shel Yad. The boxes should touch the head and arm with nothing coming between them. All Jewish males over the age of 13 wear Tephillin and women who choose to do so may also wear them. For women it should not be a "once in a while" event, if a woman chooses to wear Tephillin, she should commit to wearing it every day. When taking off the Tephillin, one takes them off in the exact reverse order, first the hand, then the head and then the arm. They should be placed in the bag in such a way that the correct one will always be taken out in the proper order. Since Yad is put on first, it should be taken out first.
Tephillin are worn only for the weekday morning service. Since they are called "ot" meaning a "symbol" worn on the hand and on the head, they are not worn on Shabbat or Holidays which are also considered a symbol in their own right and we don’t need two symbols at the same time. The only time Tephillin are worn at Mincha, the afternoon service, is on Tisha B’av. When praying at home alone, when you first wake up in the morning, one should first take care of all hygenic needs, dress and then put on the Tephillin and pray. One can wear Tephillin without a minyan. There are many customs about whether or not to wear Tephillin on the intermediate days of holidays (Hol HaMoed) Our custom is not to wear them at all. Those who do wear them take them off before Hallel. On weekdays they are removed at the end of the service.
One stands when putting Tephillin on. Someone who is ill and cannot keep their body clean (i.e. diarrhea) should not wear Tephillin. Someone in severe pain should not wear Tephillin because they can not pay attention to their meaning. One should not sleep or eat while wearing Tephillin. It is usual to have Tephillin checked by a scribe twice in a seven year period or whenever there is a concern that the parchment may have been damaged. (i.e. from water)
Next week: Blessings for Different Occasions
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