HMS 5765-1; Brit Milah I - Introduction.

Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg

September 27, 2004 - Number 5765-1

Brit Milah I - Introduction.

There are only three Mitzvot recorded in the book of Berayshit/Genesis. The first is the commandment to have children. The second is the commandment to circumcise our children and the third is the command that forbids the sciatic nerve in an animal for human consumption. This is from the story of Jacob wresting with the angel. We see that Brit Milah is one of the oldest rituals that exist in the Torah. After Abraham circumcises himself and his thirteen-year-old son, Ishmael, Abraham is told to circumcise all male children on the eighth day after birth. This is a Mitzvah that has been observed from that time until our own. Circumcision remains the most basic connection we have to G-d and to our faith.Circumcision is called "Milah" in Hebrew. A Jewish ritual circumcision is called a "Brit Milah" that is, a Circumcision that is connected to a covenant, the earliest connection we have with G-d. It is said that Israelite women circumcised their children in Egypt, before the exodus, even though they knew the baby would soon be thrown into the Nile. No matter how far a family may stray from the Jewish path, circumcision remains as the ritual that binds us all. There has been much written in recent years about the benefits of circumcision versus the complications. The arguments have been serious on both sides. As far as Judaism is concerned, the reason we perform the surgery has little to do with medical advise. We circumcise our male children because it is the command of our Creator. It is the sign of the two relationships we have with G-d, the first is the promise made with Abraham, and the second is the promise our ancestor’s made at Sinai. It is also important to know that it is not the surgery that is important. The surgery can be performed on any male child. Brit Milah, the circumcision that is the sign of the Covenant has to be performed in a proper manner for the purpose of bringing that child into the Covenant. Brit Milah does not make a child Jewish. A child is Jewish because of their birth. Brit Milah testifies that the person lives under the obligations that come with the Covenant. It is done to the organ of generation to symbolize that just as life goes on from one generation to another, so too is the covenant passed down from one generation to the next. Brit Milah is not just a cut made on the outer flesh of a child, but it is symbolic of the change in heart that goes with it. It represents the commitment of the child, and the parents of the child to be educated and raised according to Jewish Tradition. It is this symbolism of commitment to Torah and faith that separates the Circumcision from a Brit Milah.A Brit Milah always takes place on the eighth day after birth. The day of the birth counts as the first day (remember a Jewish "day" begins at sunset the night before). The ritual is done during the day and not at night. This was probably due to the better light that was available during the day rather than to rely on oil light or candles. A Brit Milah is never done prior to the eighth day. The ceremony can be delayed after the eighth day for medical reasons or if we have to wait for an expert to perform the surgery. It is the responsibility of the father of the baby to arrange for the Brit Milah, but if, for any reason, he will not fulfil the obligation, than any other family member can step in. If the child is not circumcised at all, than it becomes the child’s responsibility after the child turns 13 years-old. Brit Milah is for male children only. There is no "female circumcision" in Judaism.There are three parts to the Brit Milah ceremony. The surgery. The naming and the celebration afterwards.

Next week: Brit Milah II - The surgery

HMS 5764-38; Wedding 7 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part IV: After the Ceremony

Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg

September 13, 2004 - Number 5764-38

Wedding 7 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part IV: After the Ceremony

I mentioned three weeks ago that there are three ways a person gets married under Jewish Law; by contract, by money and by sexual relations for the purpose of marriage. All three have been made a part of the Jewish wedding ceremony. We have seen that the contract is fulfilled by the writing and signing of the Ketubah and when the groom hands this document to the bride under the huppah in front of proper witnesses and she accepts it from his hand. The money part of the wedding is when the groom hands the bride a ring and recites the marriage formula in front of proper witnesses. After the wedding ceremony is concluded, the bride and groom leave the room where the wedding takes place, leading the recessional of those in the wedding party. They go directly to a room where they can be alone and two witnesses are assigned to guard the door so that they will not be disturbed. This originally was when the marriage was consummated.
Today, in almost all cases, this time alone, called in Hebrew, "Yichud" meaning, "Alone,"is just symbolic time together. Since a wedding day is considered to be a mini Yom Kippur, many brides and grooms are fasting that day, and this time is when they break their fast. The food is placed in the room before they get there and they have some time together to break their fast. By Jewish Law, an unmarried man and an unmarried woman should not be alone together so this time is their first "official" time together as husband and wife. Since a modern wedding is a rather overwhelming and hectic day, this time alone allows the couple to pause and remember why they decided to get married in the first place. Even if the couple are ready to enjoy their wedding reception, they should still spend this time alone. Let the rest of the family and wedding party do the receiving line duty. The bride and groom require this time alone. A minimum of ten minutes is fine, it can be 20-30 minutes depending on if they need to eat. This is not time to check makeup, hair or fix the wedding dress. It is alone time, just the two of them, and everyone else who needs them, even the photographer, will have to settle for a picture of the two guards at the door. One last point of Jewish law: "Everyone knows why a bride and groom enter the room for Yihud, but it is not proper/polite to speak about it." This applies to others at the reception or to make jokes about it to the bride and groom. It is a major act of impropriety to have this as a topic of discussion, or the punch line of some ribald humor.
The final part of the wedding is the reception. The wedding reception is called a "seudah mitzvah" a "meal in celebration of a mitzvah." this makes it an integral part of the wedding. It is a great mitzvah to celebrate with a bride and groom on their wedding day. It is a bigger mitzvah to do something to increase their joy. This could be as simple as bringing a gift, or performing a dance, or skit or just having a good time in honor of the couple. Because the meal is part of the mitzvah, one should keep the festivities in good taste. Judaism sees food as holy so turning the sharing of the wedding cake into smearing the frosting on the bride and groom is not appropriate. While the bride throwing the flowers is OK, the garter/groom event is in poor taste. Toasting the bride and groom should be a sign of honor, not the occasion for blue humor. The Wedding feast should end with the Birkat HaMazon, the blessing after the meal and at a wedding this includes a repetition of the seven wedding blessings, and another opportunity to honor seven guests by having them each recite one of these blessings. During the wedding ceremony, the first blessing is the blessing over the wine. During Birkat HaMazon, the wine blessing is done last and the second blessing is recited first.
Traditionally, the bride and groom do not leave on their honeymoon after the wedding reception. The wedding festivities go on for a week. There is another Seudah Mitzvah each evening with a chance to honor seven more guests with the seven wedding blessings. At each of these meals, it is a great mitzvah to bring additional joy to the bride and groom.

Next week: Brit Milah

HMS 5764-37 Wedding 6 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part III

Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg

September 6, 2004 - Number 5764-37

Wedding 6 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part III

Following the reading of the Ketubah, and the bride accepting it from the hand of the groom, the next section of the wedding service is the "Sheva Berachot" the seven wedding blessings. The blessings are arranged according to the order of their length, each one longer and more important that the one before. Since there is a blessing for everything in Judaism, it is no surprise that there is a blessing for getting married, but marriage is such an important ritual in Judaism. It is considered to be the most joyful day in a person’s life. It is considered to be one of the most joyful events in the life of the community, that one blessing doesn’t seem to be enough, for that matter even two blessings would not be enough. This is why there are no less than seven blessings in honor of the bride and groom.
The first blessing is over the second cup of wine. The first cup was used in the Arusin blessing at the beginning of the service. Now the cup is refilled (or some wine is added to what remains in the cup) and the cup will be held by the one reciting the blessing. In many weddings the Rabbi or Cantor who are officiating hold the cup while all seven blessings are recited. In some places, each of the seven blessings are assigned as a honor to guests at the wedding. It is a big honor to be asked to recite one of the Sheva Berachot. The cup is passed from hand to hand as each honoree recites the assigned blessing. At the end the cup is returned to the Rabbi or Cantor who then gives it to the bride and groom to drink. They are the only two who will drink from this cup of wine.
The other six blessings are a mixture of individual and communal reasons to celebrate. The second blessing refers to the ceremony being for the glory of G-d. The third blessing thanks G-d as the creator of humanity. The fourth blessing thanks G-d for creating both men and women in the divine image. The fifth blessing is a hope for the gathering of exiles in Jerusalem. The sixth blessing compares this wedding to the first wedding, of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden where G-d officiated. The final blessing, which includes passages from the book of the prophet Jeremiah, combines the joy of marriage to the rejoicing of those who have returned to Jerusalem with great feasting and singing.
After the last blessing, the bride and groom drink the wine (or kosher grape juice). Now the officiant will offer a small D’var Torah to the couple. There is no real reason that this needs to be long. There are times when there are several Rabbis or officiants who wish to speak and the speeches can drag on a bit, but the topic is usually some advice on love and marriage to the couple based on the lives to the couple, on the Parsha of the week or on some other Rabbinic text. It is not in lieu of pre-marital counseling which should be done at a meeting prior to the ceremony.
Many Rabbis will conclude their remarks with a blessing for the couple. This often is in the form of the Birkat Kohanim, the three part blessing that is mentioned in the Torah.
At this point the Rabbi will explain what the breaking of the glass is all about. The origin of breaking a glass comes from a story in the Talmud where a bunch of Rabbis were invited to a wedding celebration and the celebration was so lavish and so joyful that they wanted to bring a bit of seriousness to the wedding. They felt that there was so much rejoicing that no one was paying any attention to the serious nature of what a wedding is all about. They took some of the expensive dishes and smashed them to the ground. Immediately everyone was quiet and concerned. The custom stuck.
Today, we set aside a glass to be broken at every wedding. To remind the bride and groom for a moment of the serious nature of the relationship they are entering into. To remind them that life is not all party and rejoicing. And to remember the destruction of Jerusalem and exile of our people. At that time the exiles believed that there would never be another reason to be happy. But they were wrong, we have found a reason to rejoice and so we pause to reflect on the serious for a moment.
The glass itself can be anything made of glass. A simple light bulb, is often used not only because it is glass but because it makes a good "pop" when broken. There are some who sew a glass goblet into a silk bag so that the pieces can be saved with other mementos of the wedding or they can be placed inside some lucite trophy as a lasting memory of the wedding. While these are nice gifts for the bride and groom, the simple light bulb, wrapped in a cloth napkin, is all that is required. After the glass is broken, the guests cry out "Mazal Tov", the bride and groom kiss but the ceremony is not over quite yet.

Next week: Wedding 7: The Wedding Ceremony-Part IV - After the Ceremony