Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
February 28, 2005 - Number 5765-23
Judaism and Conversion
While Judaism often acts as if it is a nation and a civilization, it is still, at its core, a religion. As a religion, it is only natural that some people will abandon their faith and some will join us from other faiths. On both sides Jewish law is very clear. Judaism recognizes no conversion out of our faith. A Jew who adopts another religion is still a Jew, a sinner perhaps, but still a Jew. Under the "Law of Return" of the State of Israel, it is my understanding that anyone who meets the definition of a Jew, no matter their actual faith at this time, is accepted as Jewish under the Law. The only exception is someone who is actively a part of that faith, for example, a born Jew who is now a religious leader in another faith. I will leave the definition of "who is a Jew" to a future lesson.
Judaism permits conversion into Judaism. At various times in our history, other governments have forbidden conversion into Judaism (I believe that some South American countries still prohibit conversion into Judaism, and there may be others) Jews have taken to keeping conversion into our faith quiet. We are not evangelical about our faith in spite of calls in the United States to promote conversion to offset losses from assimilation. There is a custom of turning away the prospective convert up to three time in order to be certain of their commitment to Judaism. Today it is more common to prolong the conversion process allowing ample time for the prospective convert to quit and return to their faith. There are also many reasons why a non-Jew would come for conversion. Perhaps they wish to marry a Jew, or maybe they have good friends that are Jewish and they wish to join them in worship. The reason really doesn’t matter. Judaism only accepts one reason for becoming Jewish, that Judaism is the religion they wish to practice for the rest of their life. Any reason is a good reason to study Judaism, but to finish a conversion, the convert must be ready to accept Judaism as his or her own religion.
Therefore, the first stage in conversion is the study of Judaism. Before one can proclaim that this is the religion I wish to practice, one must know what Judaism is all about. To learn all about Judaism may take 80 years or more (after all, we born Jews are still learning!) We can only begin to set up the framework of a lifetime of Jewish learning. This frame will take about a year to accomplish. The student must experience a year of celebrating the Jewish Holidays. Must learn rituals, customs and ceremonies, must understand Jewish History and learn basics of Hebrew Language. Many communities have 15-18 week courses in Basic Judaism that all candidates must take. A Rabbi must sponsor them in the class to answer their questions and to make sure they are comfortable and understand the process. When this class is over, there may be more sessions with the sponsoring Rabbi on issues of prayer, and the structure of Jewish Law. The candidate should also be attending services on Shabbat or weekdays on a regular basis and getting to know the other members of the community. When this education phase is nearing an end, the sponsoring Rabbi will ask if the student still wants to proceed with the conversion. If so a second part of the conversion begins.
The sponsoring Rabbi calls a bet din, a Rabbinic Court to assess the convert. They will ask the candidate about why he or she wishes to convert, what they have learned about Judaism and if they know enough about Judaism to make this decision. Since the candidate is seeking to enter that which he or she can never leave, we make sure that the desire to be Jewish and the understanding of Judaism is sufficient so that the decision to become Jewish is made with clear intention and full understanding of the meaning of the conversion. Once the Bet Din is satisfied that the candidate is making an informed decision to become Jewish, they ask three questions. 1. "Are you doing this of your own free will?" 2. "Do you understand that there may be times and places where, as a Jew, you will be despised and hated, and perhaps your life could be in danger?" and 3. "Do you understand that you are making this decision not only for yourself, but for any children you may have who will be born Jewish and will need, in the case of a boy, a brit milah, and for all children and Jewish education and you are prepared to provide this to all your children?" If the answer is yes to all three, the Bet Din is concluded and the third phase begins.
The convert must be fully immersed in a mikva or other proper body of living water. The immersion is done in the nude with a proper attendant of the same gender to oversee the immersion. After the immersion the candidate recites two blessings, one for the immersion and the shehechiyanu. At that point the student is Jewish (not a convert). Often there will be a ceremony back at the synagogue and there are certificates to sign and distribute. Such a Jew is a full Jew in every manner and it is improper and illegal in Jewish Law to recall at anytime their life before their conversion. They receive a Hebrew name and carry the name of the patriarch Abraham and the matriarch Sarah.
Next week: Jewish Divorce
Monday, February 28, 2005
HMS 5765-22: Judaism and Sex IV: Teaching Sexual Values to the Next Generation
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
February 28, 2005 - Number 5765-22
Judaism and Sex IV: Teaching Sexual Values to the Next Generation
Sex Education is seen on one hand, as an important part of what being a parent is all about, and yet, on the other hand, is seen as one of the most difficult lessons we have to teach our children. Parents have a tendency to leave sex education to the school system, either the public schools or to private schools. There is a flaw in this system that parents just don’t seem to want to confront. Schools can teach the biology of sexual reproduction, but the value system that underlies human sexuality, depends on families to transmit them from one generation to another. Even a Jewish day school, which may share our outlook on most other aspects of life, can not, in the impersonal atmosphere of the classroom, teach sexuality to children. It is a lesson that belongs in the home in the hands of thoughtful parents.
The first step in this, and any other teaching situation, is for the parents to be able to articulate for themselves a sexual ethic. Since parents often had an incomplete or inadequate sexual education themselves, we need to be able to clearly state what we believe to be a proper sexual ethic. It has to also be the ethic that we live by; we can not be hypocritical when we go to teach our children. Society today gives us all kinds of ethics to choose from, and if we don’t articulate what we believe, a generic ethic, one that arises from movies, television and books will step in to fill the breach. Generic values such as these do not guide our children, they often only teach our children to think of sex as a commodity, a reason to buy clothing, cars or perfume and to believe that if they don’t have a certain amount of sexuality, they will be a failure in life. Judaism teaches that there is more to sex than biology and that sexuality is the most personal of values, one that should not be shared in public. This is why guidance from home is so crucial. We need to understand how we feel about intimacy so we can teach our children well.
Conservative Judaism teaches us that sexuality is one value in a society that balances many values. As such, it should fit smoothly in with the other values we teach. First of all, that a discussion on sexuality is indeed a religious discussion. Often we think that religion has little to say on sexuality, that religion frowns upon all aspects of sex, seeing this aspect of our lives as "dirty, animalistic, and profane" In Judaism this is far from the truth. Our sexuality, just like every other part of our life, is a gift from G-d. Therefore it can be a way of bringing spirituality into our lives. Sex, in Judaism is very much a religious discussion. We also consider humanity as an integrated whole. That food (and the laws of Kashrut) the quest for power (and the laws of Shabbat) go together with sexuality (and the laws of family purity). Sex is one way we express the idea that we are created in the image of G-d, with the G-d given gift of procreation. And yet, it is not a gift that we flaunt in public. Modesty is also a value that shapes our sexual life. People may speak to strangers on national television about their sexual life, but Judaism says that it is a part of our life that we only discuss with our sexual partners. There are also issues relating to respect for each other, honesty, health and safety as well as holiness.
Judaism feels that such values can be best expressed in the context of marriage. That promiscuity and culture that it engenders is an anathema to Jewish society. Adultery, in Judaism is a capital offense, against humanity and against G-d. Sex in the context of marriage is best for meaningful companionship and for providing a stable home for children. When a marriage does not provide this kind of companionship and sexual support, than divorce must end that relationship before a new relationship can begin. Conservative Judaism admits that non-marital sex is a part of society, but it continues to assert that sex within the context of marriage is the ideal. However, it is not a "zero sum game" that if a person, for a particular reason, engages in non-marital sex, the other values still hold, especially that of honesty, health and safety and fidelity. It is a most adult activity and not appropriate for teenagers and the immature.
We must also teach the difference between "social intimacy" and sexuality. Conservative Judaism does not frown upon holding hands, hugs and social kissing. These are a natural way for people to convey a host of feelings and to provide comfort and support for others. Other activities, that indicate a more personal relationship, rightfully belong in private.
Finally, there are also religious aspects to relationships as well. Conservative Judaism feels very strongly about dating and marrying only Jews. This is important not just for the continuity of our faith, but for the strength and longevity of the marriage. Sex and religion are bound to each other and, when they are in concert, they can make a strong healthy bond that will last a lifetime. Judaism depends upon such strong relationships, for only these families, built upon a meaningful and healthy sexual ethic, will enable our faith to speak to the next generation.
As a resource, The Rabbinical Assembly publishes a booklet, "This is My Beloved, This is My Friend, A Rabbinic Letter on Intimate Relations" available from The United Synagogue Book Service at www. USCJ,org Click on the links to the Book Service and it can be found in the Rabbinical Assembly section.
Next week: Judaism and Conversion
February 28, 2005 - Number 5765-22
Judaism and Sex IV: Teaching Sexual Values to the Next Generation
Sex Education is seen on one hand, as an important part of what being a parent is all about, and yet, on the other hand, is seen as one of the most difficult lessons we have to teach our children. Parents have a tendency to leave sex education to the school system, either the public schools or to private schools. There is a flaw in this system that parents just don’t seem to want to confront. Schools can teach the biology of sexual reproduction, but the value system that underlies human sexuality, depends on families to transmit them from one generation to another. Even a Jewish day school, which may share our outlook on most other aspects of life, can not, in the impersonal atmosphere of the classroom, teach sexuality to children. It is a lesson that belongs in the home in the hands of thoughtful parents.
The first step in this, and any other teaching situation, is for the parents to be able to articulate for themselves a sexual ethic. Since parents often had an incomplete or inadequate sexual education themselves, we need to be able to clearly state what we believe to be a proper sexual ethic. It has to also be the ethic that we live by; we can not be hypocritical when we go to teach our children. Society today gives us all kinds of ethics to choose from, and if we don’t articulate what we believe, a generic ethic, one that arises from movies, television and books will step in to fill the breach. Generic values such as these do not guide our children, they often only teach our children to think of sex as a commodity, a reason to buy clothing, cars or perfume and to believe that if they don’t have a certain amount of sexuality, they will be a failure in life. Judaism teaches that there is more to sex than biology and that sexuality is the most personal of values, one that should not be shared in public. This is why guidance from home is so crucial. We need to understand how we feel about intimacy so we can teach our children well.
Conservative Judaism teaches us that sexuality is one value in a society that balances many values. As such, it should fit smoothly in with the other values we teach. First of all, that a discussion on sexuality is indeed a religious discussion. Often we think that religion has little to say on sexuality, that religion frowns upon all aspects of sex, seeing this aspect of our lives as "dirty, animalistic, and profane" In Judaism this is far from the truth. Our sexuality, just like every other part of our life, is a gift from G-d. Therefore it can be a way of bringing spirituality into our lives. Sex, in Judaism is very much a religious discussion. We also consider humanity as an integrated whole. That food (and the laws of Kashrut) the quest for power (and the laws of Shabbat) go together with sexuality (and the laws of family purity). Sex is one way we express the idea that we are created in the image of G-d, with the G-d given gift of procreation. And yet, it is not a gift that we flaunt in public. Modesty is also a value that shapes our sexual life. People may speak to strangers on national television about their sexual life, but Judaism says that it is a part of our life that we only discuss with our sexual partners. There are also issues relating to respect for each other, honesty, health and safety as well as holiness.
Judaism feels that such values can be best expressed in the context of marriage. That promiscuity and culture that it engenders is an anathema to Jewish society. Adultery, in Judaism is a capital offense, against humanity and against G-d. Sex in the context of marriage is best for meaningful companionship and for providing a stable home for children. When a marriage does not provide this kind of companionship and sexual support, than divorce must end that relationship before a new relationship can begin. Conservative Judaism admits that non-marital sex is a part of society, but it continues to assert that sex within the context of marriage is the ideal. However, it is not a "zero sum game" that if a person, for a particular reason, engages in non-marital sex, the other values still hold, especially that of honesty, health and safety and fidelity. It is a most adult activity and not appropriate for teenagers and the immature.
We must also teach the difference between "social intimacy" and sexuality. Conservative Judaism does not frown upon holding hands, hugs and social kissing. These are a natural way for people to convey a host of feelings and to provide comfort and support for others. Other activities, that indicate a more personal relationship, rightfully belong in private.
Finally, there are also religious aspects to relationships as well. Conservative Judaism feels very strongly about dating and marrying only Jews. This is important not just for the continuity of our faith, but for the strength and longevity of the marriage. Sex and religion are bound to each other and, when they are in concert, they can make a strong healthy bond that will last a lifetime. Judaism depends upon such strong relationships, for only these families, built upon a meaningful and healthy sexual ethic, will enable our faith to speak to the next generation.
As a resource, The Rabbinical Assembly publishes a booklet, "This is My Beloved, This is My Friend, A Rabbinic Letter on Intimate Relations" available from The United Synagogue Book Service at www. USCJ,org Click on the links to the Book Service and it can be found in the Rabbinical Assembly section.
Next week: Judaism and Conversion
Monday, February 21, 2005
HMS 5765-21: Special Edition:
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
February 21, 2005 - Number 5765-21
Special Edition:
I received an E-mail this week from Beryl Glansberg that warrants some extensive comment. Not because Beryl’s letter has any problems, but because it speaks to the way many people look to Jewish Law and Halacha. So while Beryl has raised an important issue, I want to pause this week to address the larger issues that she raises, issues that many people raise about Halacha everyday. Here is her letter:
(Last week I wrote:) "Homosexuality is forbidden in Jewish Law. There is a full review of this stand taking place in our movement as this is written."(Beryl Replies:) I certainly hope so. This is an archaic view that truly alienates people that are born Jewish and want to be accepted into the Kehillah. As a people in crisis, with staggering intermarriage and divorce rates, logic would dictate that we do not chase people away and discriminate against them because of their sexual preference. I am not interested in Rabbinic Jewish law that was written to be applicable to a culture long ago.I certainly hope that our Conservative movement gets with the times and accepts these members of our Kehillah and supports them, just as they would a heterosexual.
While there are many good comparisons between the Torah and the Constitution of the United States, there is one fundamental difference between them. The Constitution was written by human beings and their words can be amended in times of need. The Torah, however we received it, is considered to be the word of G-d. It cannot be amended. The Torah also does not allow for any legislative body to create new laws or to change old ones. G-d’s law is as perfect as G-d. This is one reason we are so careful about every letter in a Torah scroll. We must not change one dot of the divine revelation. Therefore when the book of Leviticus calls homosexuality an "abomination" we have to deal with the law as it has been received. We cannot just change it to suit our needs. We cannot erase it because it makes us uncomfortable. We cannot ignore it because it is the word of G-d. We have no choice but to follow its teaching.
And yet, the Sages of the Talmud did have one way of keeping the Torah from becoming a stagnant law. For a law to be alive, it has to be able to adapt and change. As any good lawyer or lawmaker can tell you, there is yet one way to change even the Law of G-d, and that is through the actions of Rabbinic courts. It is these courts over the centuries, that have ruled on how laws are to be followed or not followed. Which ones were "qualified" out of existence, and which ones were magnified in order to effect an important change in society. People change, society changes and the law must change as well. Otherwise we would be saddled with laws that could be considered immoral or unethical. It has been the role of the Rabbi, and of the Rabbinic deciders (called "Poskim") to make the rulings that keep our Torah alive and meaningful.
There are many considerations that go into this process. I classify them into four categories. 1. What is the law as we received it? 2. What are the modern issues it raises? 3. What are the implications for the individual Jew? And 4. What are the implications for Jewish society? These four categories must be in balance. If not, the poskim need to address the issue to bring them back into balance. The issue is not "a law applicable to a culture long ago" the issue is if the law is meaningful today. The issue is also not "getting with the times" but what is good for Judaism and for the Jews who take Halacha seriously.
What really got my attention was the notation, (and please Beryl, I don’t mean to pick on you, there are at least two dozen people who would easily agree with you and I address myself to them as well, you were just the one who wrote, and I do thank you for this opportunity to clarify the issue) "As a people in crisis, with staggering intermarriage and divorce rates, logic would dictate that we do not chase people away and discriminate against them because of their sexual preference" In fact, we could make a very compelling case that homosexuality would add nothing to the Jewish people because this particular sexual preference would not help in the least the growth of the Jewish people. Judaism depends on heterosexual families for the growth and continued viability of our people. And even these families are not having enough children to replace themselves. Jewish Society is very concerned with our low birthrate and our losses from the holocaust. Homosexual behavior will help little or not at all with this crisis in our society.
What are the issues? Why does the Torah condemn homosexuality as an "abomination"? What was it about this sexual behavior that warrants this strict terminology? Is it similar to other laws that forbid idolatry? If so, than perhaps we are talking about a different kind of homosexuality than the one forbidden by the Torah. If not, perhaps as a form of sexuality that has no hope at all of procreation, it is to be forbidden as one forbids other, non-heterosexual forms of sexual activity (Leviticus is full of such laws). What would be the impact on Jewish Society if homosexuality was permitted? Would we only permit monogamous homosexuality and shun promiscuous behavior as we do with heterosexuals? Should there be a "commitment ceremony" for these relationships and could we call it "kiddushin" (holy)? What is the impact this will have on individual homosexual Jews? Will changing this law help or hurt the vision that all Jews have toward Torah and Halacha? These are all important questions and these are the kinds of discussions now taking place at the Rabbinical Assembly’s Law and Standards Committee.
One thing is very clear. While homosexual behavior is not permitted in Jewish law, discrimination against anyone who is a gay or lesbian is also very much against Jewish law. Halacha is quite clear that the law applies to everyone equally. A homosexual Jew may not, according to Torah, be permitted to engage in homosexual behavior, but he can still hold a job, buy a home, and has the right to live without fear. Discrimination against anyone for any reason, including sexual orientation, is antithetical to Halacha and to any Jewish sensibility. Gay and Lesbian Jews are still Jews and have all the rights and privileges that come with being Jewish including being called to the Torah, leading services, serving as Rabbis and serving as Synagogue officers. Jewish Law may have a problem with their sexual orientation, but not with their humanity. Discrimination and hate are out of the question. There are many resolutions in Conservative Judaism that affirm this position. We do not discriminate against those who violate Shabbat and Kashrut in their daily lives, why should sexual orientation be any different?
Whatever may be my personal understanding of the law, I will wait until the poskim of our movement will publish their positions and then I will comment on what they have to say. It would be unfair for me or any other Rabbi to make rulings while the discussion is still underway. It is my hope that G-d will guide their discussions to an acceptable conclusion (or conclusions - it is very possible that there will be more than one opinion on this subject). I can assure everyone, however, that the discussions are being done with great sensitivity and great respect for people and for Halacha.
Next week we will continue with our series.
Next week: Judaism and Sex IV: Teaching Sexual Values to the Next Generation
February 21, 2005 - Number 5765-21
Special Edition:
I received an E-mail this week from Beryl Glansberg that warrants some extensive comment. Not because Beryl’s letter has any problems, but because it speaks to the way many people look to Jewish Law and Halacha. So while Beryl has raised an important issue, I want to pause this week to address the larger issues that she raises, issues that many people raise about Halacha everyday. Here is her letter:
(Last week I wrote:) "Homosexuality is forbidden in Jewish Law. There is a full review of this stand taking place in our movement as this is written."(Beryl Replies:) I certainly hope so. This is an archaic view that truly alienates people that are born Jewish and want to be accepted into the Kehillah. As a people in crisis, with staggering intermarriage and divorce rates, logic would dictate that we do not chase people away and discriminate against them because of their sexual preference. I am not interested in Rabbinic Jewish law that was written to be applicable to a culture long ago.I certainly hope that our Conservative movement gets with the times and accepts these members of our Kehillah and supports them, just as they would a heterosexual.
While there are many good comparisons between the Torah and the Constitution of the United States, there is one fundamental difference between them. The Constitution was written by human beings and their words can be amended in times of need. The Torah, however we received it, is considered to be the word of G-d. It cannot be amended. The Torah also does not allow for any legislative body to create new laws or to change old ones. G-d’s law is as perfect as G-d. This is one reason we are so careful about every letter in a Torah scroll. We must not change one dot of the divine revelation. Therefore when the book of Leviticus calls homosexuality an "abomination" we have to deal with the law as it has been received. We cannot just change it to suit our needs. We cannot erase it because it makes us uncomfortable. We cannot ignore it because it is the word of G-d. We have no choice but to follow its teaching.
And yet, the Sages of the Talmud did have one way of keeping the Torah from becoming a stagnant law. For a law to be alive, it has to be able to adapt and change. As any good lawyer or lawmaker can tell you, there is yet one way to change even the Law of G-d, and that is through the actions of Rabbinic courts. It is these courts over the centuries, that have ruled on how laws are to be followed or not followed. Which ones were "qualified" out of existence, and which ones were magnified in order to effect an important change in society. People change, society changes and the law must change as well. Otherwise we would be saddled with laws that could be considered immoral or unethical. It has been the role of the Rabbi, and of the Rabbinic deciders (called "Poskim") to make the rulings that keep our Torah alive and meaningful.
There are many considerations that go into this process. I classify them into four categories. 1. What is the law as we received it? 2. What are the modern issues it raises? 3. What are the implications for the individual Jew? And 4. What are the implications for Jewish society? These four categories must be in balance. If not, the poskim need to address the issue to bring them back into balance. The issue is not "a law applicable to a culture long ago" the issue is if the law is meaningful today. The issue is also not "getting with the times" but what is good for Judaism and for the Jews who take Halacha seriously.
What really got my attention was the notation, (and please Beryl, I don’t mean to pick on you, there are at least two dozen people who would easily agree with you and I address myself to them as well, you were just the one who wrote, and I do thank you for this opportunity to clarify the issue) "As a people in crisis, with staggering intermarriage and divorce rates, logic would dictate that we do not chase people away and discriminate against them because of their sexual preference" In fact, we could make a very compelling case that homosexuality would add nothing to the Jewish people because this particular sexual preference would not help in the least the growth of the Jewish people. Judaism depends on heterosexual families for the growth and continued viability of our people. And even these families are not having enough children to replace themselves. Jewish Society is very concerned with our low birthrate and our losses from the holocaust. Homosexual behavior will help little or not at all with this crisis in our society.
What are the issues? Why does the Torah condemn homosexuality as an "abomination"? What was it about this sexual behavior that warrants this strict terminology? Is it similar to other laws that forbid idolatry? If so, than perhaps we are talking about a different kind of homosexuality than the one forbidden by the Torah. If not, perhaps as a form of sexuality that has no hope at all of procreation, it is to be forbidden as one forbids other, non-heterosexual forms of sexual activity (Leviticus is full of such laws). What would be the impact on Jewish Society if homosexuality was permitted? Would we only permit monogamous homosexuality and shun promiscuous behavior as we do with heterosexuals? Should there be a "commitment ceremony" for these relationships and could we call it "kiddushin" (holy)? What is the impact this will have on individual homosexual Jews? Will changing this law help or hurt the vision that all Jews have toward Torah and Halacha? These are all important questions and these are the kinds of discussions now taking place at the Rabbinical Assembly’s Law and Standards Committee.
One thing is very clear. While homosexual behavior is not permitted in Jewish law, discrimination against anyone who is a gay or lesbian is also very much against Jewish law. Halacha is quite clear that the law applies to everyone equally. A homosexual Jew may not, according to Torah, be permitted to engage in homosexual behavior, but he can still hold a job, buy a home, and has the right to live without fear. Discrimination against anyone for any reason, including sexual orientation, is antithetical to Halacha and to any Jewish sensibility. Gay and Lesbian Jews are still Jews and have all the rights and privileges that come with being Jewish including being called to the Torah, leading services, serving as Rabbis and serving as Synagogue officers. Jewish Law may have a problem with their sexual orientation, but not with their humanity. Discrimination and hate are out of the question. There are many resolutions in Conservative Judaism that affirm this position. We do not discriminate against those who violate Shabbat and Kashrut in their daily lives, why should sexual orientation be any different?
Whatever may be my personal understanding of the law, I will wait until the poskim of our movement will publish their positions and then I will comment on what they have to say. It would be unfair for me or any other Rabbi to make rulings while the discussion is still underway. It is my hope that G-d will guide their discussions to an acceptable conclusion (or conclusions - it is very possible that there will be more than one opinion on this subject). I can assure everyone, however, that the discussions are being done with great sensitivity and great respect for people and for Halacha.
Next week we will continue with our series.
Next week: Judaism and Sex IV: Teaching Sexual Values to the Next Generation
Monday, February 7, 2005
HMS 5765-19: Judaism and Sex II: Procreation and Birth Control
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
February 7, 2005 - Number 5765-19
Judaism and Sex II: Procreation and Birth Control
The first commandment in the Torah is given on the sixth day of creation. Humanity is commanded to "be fruitful and multiply". In Judaism, it is a positive mitzvah to have children. The Talmud, in typical rabbinic style, asks the question how do we know when we have fulfilled this mitzvah? Their answer is that the mitzvah of P’ru Urvu (procreation) is fulfilled when a family has two children, a boy and a girl. This implies that if both children are the same sex, then the mitzvah is not fulfilled until there is at least one of each sex in the family.
This mitzvah was taken very seriously over the centuries. Any couple who did not have children after ten years had the option of divorce so they could remarry and have children. While this was indeed grounds for divorce, and in some cases, couples did end the marriage in order to have children, still, many couples found other reasons to stay married. Divorce was seen as an option but was not required. There is a famous story of a couple who went to the Rabbi for a divorce because they were childless. The Rabbi insisted that they have a party to end the marriage in the same way they had a party to begin the marriage. The husband, at the party, to show he was not angry at his wife promised her that she could take anything from the home that she desired. When he fell asleep later, she had him moved, bed and all to her father’s house. When he awoke she told him that of all the things in the house, HE was the one thing she wanted to keep the most. The went back to the Rabbi that day and affirmed their marriage.
The interesting twist on the Mitzvah of P’ru Urvu, is that this mitzvah is assigned only to men. Men must have at least two children, one of each sex. A woman is not so obligated. Why were women released from this mitzvah? I think it is a response from the Rabbis that pregnancy and childbirth are inherently dangerous for a woman, in fact, it could be fatal. The Rabbis could not require a woman to so endanger her life. In ancient times a man could have more than one wife, and indeed, the bible records marriages for the sake of having children (look at Jacob’s complicated marital life). By Rabbinic times multiple wives are no longer suggested and by the middle ages, it is expressly forbidden. What makes this twist in the law interesting is the implications regarding birth control.
Judaism has long noted that sexual activity is pleasurable even without the possibility of having children. Women and men were supposed to have happy and joyful sexual lives even if they had reached a time in their lives where sex would no longer lead to pregnancy, or even if medical reasons made fertility impossible. Sharing sexual pleasure with or without the possibility of having children is also a positive commandment. Birth control, therefore, is permitted in Judaism. It should be noted that sexual relations should only be between a husband and a wife. Adultery is a capital crime and pre-marital sex is not considered appropriate behavior.
Jewish Law has long favored barrier methods of birth control (diaphragms, foams etc.) used by women. This is because, as noted above, the man has a commandment to have children, not the wife. Therefore she can block his attempts if she so chooses. In today’s day and age, when there is a possibility of sexually transmitted diseases and AIDS/HIV it is important, if there is any concern for health, that condoms are permitted and may be required. If a disease is know to infect one party or the other, abstinence may even be required to protect the health of one’s partner.
Abortion is never permitted as a form of post-facto birth control. Abortion is permitted only when there are issues regarding the health of the mother. In cases where there is danger, the fetus, as potential life, is terminated to save the mother, who is really alive. Psychological health is also considered when assessing an abortion. Since every situation is different, the Rabbis leave the individual decision to abort or not, to the woman in consultation with her doctor and her Rabbi. Only when they deem it medically necessary, can an abortion be performed.
Next week: Judaism and Sex III: Modern Sexual Issues
February 7, 2005 - Number 5765-19
Judaism and Sex II: Procreation and Birth Control
The first commandment in the Torah is given on the sixth day of creation. Humanity is commanded to "be fruitful and multiply". In Judaism, it is a positive mitzvah to have children. The Talmud, in typical rabbinic style, asks the question how do we know when we have fulfilled this mitzvah? Their answer is that the mitzvah of P’ru Urvu (procreation) is fulfilled when a family has two children, a boy and a girl. This implies that if both children are the same sex, then the mitzvah is not fulfilled until there is at least one of each sex in the family.
This mitzvah was taken very seriously over the centuries. Any couple who did not have children after ten years had the option of divorce so they could remarry and have children. While this was indeed grounds for divorce, and in some cases, couples did end the marriage in order to have children, still, many couples found other reasons to stay married. Divorce was seen as an option but was not required. There is a famous story of a couple who went to the Rabbi for a divorce because they were childless. The Rabbi insisted that they have a party to end the marriage in the same way they had a party to begin the marriage. The husband, at the party, to show he was not angry at his wife promised her that she could take anything from the home that she desired. When he fell asleep later, she had him moved, bed and all to her father’s house. When he awoke she told him that of all the things in the house, HE was the one thing she wanted to keep the most. The went back to the Rabbi that day and affirmed their marriage.
The interesting twist on the Mitzvah of P’ru Urvu, is that this mitzvah is assigned only to men. Men must have at least two children, one of each sex. A woman is not so obligated. Why were women released from this mitzvah? I think it is a response from the Rabbis that pregnancy and childbirth are inherently dangerous for a woman, in fact, it could be fatal. The Rabbis could not require a woman to so endanger her life. In ancient times a man could have more than one wife, and indeed, the bible records marriages for the sake of having children (look at Jacob’s complicated marital life). By Rabbinic times multiple wives are no longer suggested and by the middle ages, it is expressly forbidden. What makes this twist in the law interesting is the implications regarding birth control.
Judaism has long noted that sexual activity is pleasurable even without the possibility of having children. Women and men were supposed to have happy and joyful sexual lives even if they had reached a time in their lives where sex would no longer lead to pregnancy, or even if medical reasons made fertility impossible. Sharing sexual pleasure with or without the possibility of having children is also a positive commandment. Birth control, therefore, is permitted in Judaism. It should be noted that sexual relations should only be between a husband and a wife. Adultery is a capital crime and pre-marital sex is not considered appropriate behavior.
Jewish Law has long favored barrier methods of birth control (diaphragms, foams etc.) used by women. This is because, as noted above, the man has a commandment to have children, not the wife. Therefore she can block his attempts if she so chooses. In today’s day and age, when there is a possibility of sexually transmitted diseases and AIDS/HIV it is important, if there is any concern for health, that condoms are permitted and may be required. If a disease is know to infect one party or the other, abstinence may even be required to protect the health of one’s partner.
Abortion is never permitted as a form of post-facto birth control. Abortion is permitted only when there are issues regarding the health of the mother. In cases where there is danger, the fetus, as potential life, is terminated to save the mother, who is really alive. Psychological health is also considered when assessing an abortion. Since every situation is different, the Rabbis leave the individual decision to abort or not, to the woman in consultation with her doctor and her Rabbi. Only when they deem it medically necessary, can an abortion be performed.
Next week: Judaism and Sex III: Modern Sexual Issues
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