Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
October 4, 2004 - Number 5765-2 Hag Sameach!
Brit Milah II - The Surgery
Maimonides gives us the best description of the surgery involved in a Brit Milah. Since Maimonides was a physician, this is how he describes the procedure: "the entire foreskin which covers the glans is cut so that the whole of the glans is exposed. Then a thin layer of skin beneath the foreskin is torn with the fingernail and turned back with the flesh of the glans completely exposed. Thereafter, one sucks the wound until the blood is drawn from the more remote places so that no danger to the child’s health may ensue... after this has been done, a plaster bandage or similar dressing is applied." (Mishna Torah: Hilchot Milah 2:2; Translation by Rabbi Isaac Klein in "A Guide to Religious Jewish Practice" p.421-2)
From this description we see that there are three stages to a ritual circumcision (Brit MIlah) The cutting of the foreskin. The tearing and folding of the mucous membrane. The suction of the blood.
While Maimonides gives us a description of what the surgery was like in his day, today there are some notable differences. The membrane and the foreskin are often cut at the same time. While any instrument can be used for the surgery, most use a surgical scalpel or a knife used exclusively for circumcision. A "magen" or a shield is used to protect the glans during the cutting. This shield has a slit in its surface so that the foreskin and the membrane can be placed in the slit and the glans itself is protected during the cutting.
It is the baby’s father who has the responsibility to do the circumcision, but usually the father delegates a professional to do the surgery. This expert is called a "mohel". Once the foreskin has been placed in the slit in the shield, sometimes the father will do the actual cut to fulfill this mitzvah.
Brit Milah must be done on the eighth day. Even if it is Yom Kippur. If there is any danger to the child or any illness in the child, the brit is postponed until the child is well. The first day when the child is born is counted as the first of the eight days. A child born by cesarian section is not circumcised on Shabbat or holidays.
The baby is brought into the room by a couple known as "kvatter" and "kvatterin" sometimes translated as "god parents" but not in the legal sense that we use the terms today. There is a custom of sending the mother of the baby out of the room for the Milah, but this is just an vestige of when all women were "hysterical" and could not watch the operation. Today, any mother who wants to be at the front for the Milah are welcome to stay. The person who holds the baby for the operation is called the "sandek" and this is a great honor usually reserved for the most religious member of the family. Before the baby is handed to the sandek, the baby is placed on a chair reserved for Elijah the prophet. Elijah is the guardian of circumcision and is said to be present at every Brit Milah.
A modern mohel will perform the surgery quickly so that there will not be much pain. After securing the baby in the hands of the Sandek, the mohel will remove the diaper and take a small "probe" and insert it under the foreskin to free the mucus membrane from the glans. Then a clamp is used to grab both the foreskin and the membrane and pull it away from the glans. A Magen clamp is then opened, with the foreskin/membrane placed in the slot and the glans secure under the shield. The clamp is closed and the Mohel (or the parent if they wish) then take the knife and cut across the top of the shield. There is a blessing recited before the cut is made, and another after the cut. Usually the father gives "permission" to the mohel to make the cut and the mohel says the blessing before cutting. The parents recite the blessing after. The clamp is then opened, the remaining foreskin is pulled back behind the glans. An antibiotic is applied to the bandage and the bandage is put into place. Often a special "steri-bandage" is used to promote faster healing. The diaper is replaced and the Milah is complete.
Next week: Brit Milah III - The Naming
Monday, October 4, 2004
Monday, September 27, 2004
HMS 5765-1; Brit Milah I - Introduction.
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
September 27, 2004 - Number 5765-1
Brit Milah I - Introduction.
There are only three Mitzvot recorded in the book of Berayshit/Genesis. The first is the commandment to have children. The second is the commandment to circumcise our children and the third is the command that forbids the sciatic nerve in an animal for human consumption. This is from the story of Jacob wresting with the angel. We see that Brit Milah is one of the oldest rituals that exist in the Torah. After Abraham circumcises himself and his thirteen-year-old son, Ishmael, Abraham is told to circumcise all male children on the eighth day after birth. This is a Mitzvah that has been observed from that time until our own. Circumcision remains the most basic connection we have to G-d and to our faith.Circumcision is called "Milah" in Hebrew. A Jewish ritual circumcision is called a "Brit Milah" that is, a Circumcision that is connected to a covenant, the earliest connection we have with G-d. It is said that Israelite women circumcised their children in Egypt, before the exodus, even though they knew the baby would soon be thrown into the Nile. No matter how far a family may stray from the Jewish path, circumcision remains as the ritual that binds us all. There has been much written in recent years about the benefits of circumcision versus the complications. The arguments have been serious on both sides. As far as Judaism is concerned, the reason we perform the surgery has little to do with medical advise. We circumcise our male children because it is the command of our Creator. It is the sign of the two relationships we have with G-d, the first is the promise made with Abraham, and the second is the promise our ancestor’s made at Sinai. It is also important to know that it is not the surgery that is important. The surgery can be performed on any male child. Brit Milah, the circumcision that is the sign of the Covenant has to be performed in a proper manner for the purpose of bringing that child into the Covenant. Brit Milah does not make a child Jewish. A child is Jewish because of their birth. Brit Milah testifies that the person lives under the obligations that come with the Covenant. It is done to the organ of generation to symbolize that just as life goes on from one generation to another, so too is the covenant passed down from one generation to the next. Brit Milah is not just a cut made on the outer flesh of a child, but it is symbolic of the change in heart that goes with it. It represents the commitment of the child, and the parents of the child to be educated and raised according to Jewish Tradition. It is this symbolism of commitment to Torah and faith that separates the Circumcision from a Brit Milah.A Brit Milah always takes place on the eighth day after birth. The day of the birth counts as the first day (remember a Jewish "day" begins at sunset the night before). The ritual is done during the day and not at night. This was probably due to the better light that was available during the day rather than to rely on oil light or candles. A Brit Milah is never done prior to the eighth day. The ceremony can be delayed after the eighth day for medical reasons or if we have to wait for an expert to perform the surgery. It is the responsibility of the father of the baby to arrange for the Brit Milah, but if, for any reason, he will not fulfil the obligation, than any other family member can step in. If the child is not circumcised at all, than it becomes the child’s responsibility after the child turns 13 years-old. Brit Milah is for male children only. There is no "female circumcision" in Judaism.There are three parts to the Brit Milah ceremony. The surgery. The naming and the celebration afterwards.
Next week: Brit Milah II - The surgery
September 27, 2004 - Number 5765-1
Brit Milah I - Introduction.
There are only three Mitzvot recorded in the book of Berayshit/Genesis. The first is the commandment to have children. The second is the commandment to circumcise our children and the third is the command that forbids the sciatic nerve in an animal for human consumption. This is from the story of Jacob wresting with the angel. We see that Brit Milah is one of the oldest rituals that exist in the Torah. After Abraham circumcises himself and his thirteen-year-old son, Ishmael, Abraham is told to circumcise all male children on the eighth day after birth. This is a Mitzvah that has been observed from that time until our own. Circumcision remains the most basic connection we have to G-d and to our faith.Circumcision is called "Milah" in Hebrew. A Jewish ritual circumcision is called a "Brit Milah" that is, a Circumcision that is connected to a covenant, the earliest connection we have with G-d. It is said that Israelite women circumcised their children in Egypt, before the exodus, even though they knew the baby would soon be thrown into the Nile. No matter how far a family may stray from the Jewish path, circumcision remains as the ritual that binds us all. There has been much written in recent years about the benefits of circumcision versus the complications. The arguments have been serious on both sides. As far as Judaism is concerned, the reason we perform the surgery has little to do with medical advise. We circumcise our male children because it is the command of our Creator. It is the sign of the two relationships we have with G-d, the first is the promise made with Abraham, and the second is the promise our ancestor’s made at Sinai. It is also important to know that it is not the surgery that is important. The surgery can be performed on any male child. Brit Milah, the circumcision that is the sign of the Covenant has to be performed in a proper manner for the purpose of bringing that child into the Covenant. Brit Milah does not make a child Jewish. A child is Jewish because of their birth. Brit Milah testifies that the person lives under the obligations that come with the Covenant. It is done to the organ of generation to symbolize that just as life goes on from one generation to another, so too is the covenant passed down from one generation to the next. Brit Milah is not just a cut made on the outer flesh of a child, but it is symbolic of the change in heart that goes with it. It represents the commitment of the child, and the parents of the child to be educated and raised according to Jewish Tradition. It is this symbolism of commitment to Torah and faith that separates the Circumcision from a Brit Milah.A Brit Milah always takes place on the eighth day after birth. The day of the birth counts as the first day (remember a Jewish "day" begins at sunset the night before). The ritual is done during the day and not at night. This was probably due to the better light that was available during the day rather than to rely on oil light or candles. A Brit Milah is never done prior to the eighth day. The ceremony can be delayed after the eighth day for medical reasons or if we have to wait for an expert to perform the surgery. It is the responsibility of the father of the baby to arrange for the Brit Milah, but if, for any reason, he will not fulfil the obligation, than any other family member can step in. If the child is not circumcised at all, than it becomes the child’s responsibility after the child turns 13 years-old. Brit Milah is for male children only. There is no "female circumcision" in Judaism.There are three parts to the Brit Milah ceremony. The surgery. The naming and the celebration afterwards.
Next week: Brit Milah II - The surgery
Monday, September 13, 2004
HMS 5764-38; Wedding 7 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part IV: After the Ceremony
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
September 13, 2004 - Number 5764-38
Wedding 7 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part IV: After the Ceremony
I mentioned three weeks ago that there are three ways a person gets married under Jewish Law; by contract, by money and by sexual relations for the purpose of marriage. All three have been made a part of the Jewish wedding ceremony. We have seen that the contract is fulfilled by the writing and signing of the Ketubah and when the groom hands this document to the bride under the huppah in front of proper witnesses and she accepts it from his hand. The money part of the wedding is when the groom hands the bride a ring and recites the marriage formula in front of proper witnesses. After the wedding ceremony is concluded, the bride and groom leave the room where the wedding takes place, leading the recessional of those in the wedding party. They go directly to a room where they can be alone and two witnesses are assigned to guard the door so that they will not be disturbed. This originally was when the marriage was consummated.
Today, in almost all cases, this time alone, called in Hebrew, "Yichud" meaning, "Alone,"is just symbolic time together. Since a wedding day is considered to be a mini Yom Kippur, many brides and grooms are fasting that day, and this time is when they break their fast. The food is placed in the room before they get there and they have some time together to break their fast. By Jewish Law, an unmarried man and an unmarried woman should not be alone together so this time is their first "official" time together as husband and wife. Since a modern wedding is a rather overwhelming and hectic day, this time alone allows the couple to pause and remember why they decided to get married in the first place. Even if the couple are ready to enjoy their wedding reception, they should still spend this time alone. Let the rest of the family and wedding party do the receiving line duty. The bride and groom require this time alone. A minimum of ten minutes is fine, it can be 20-30 minutes depending on if they need to eat. This is not time to check makeup, hair or fix the wedding dress. It is alone time, just the two of them, and everyone else who needs them, even the photographer, will have to settle for a picture of the two guards at the door. One last point of Jewish law: "Everyone knows why a bride and groom enter the room for Yihud, but it is not proper/polite to speak about it." This applies to others at the reception or to make jokes about it to the bride and groom. It is a major act of impropriety to have this as a topic of discussion, or the punch line of some ribald humor.
The final part of the wedding is the reception. The wedding reception is called a "seudah mitzvah" a "meal in celebration of a mitzvah." this makes it an integral part of the wedding. It is a great mitzvah to celebrate with a bride and groom on their wedding day. It is a bigger mitzvah to do something to increase their joy. This could be as simple as bringing a gift, or performing a dance, or skit or just having a good time in honor of the couple. Because the meal is part of the mitzvah, one should keep the festivities in good taste. Judaism sees food as holy so turning the sharing of the wedding cake into smearing the frosting on the bride and groom is not appropriate. While the bride throwing the flowers is OK, the garter/groom event is in poor taste. Toasting the bride and groom should be a sign of honor, not the occasion for blue humor. The Wedding feast should end with the Birkat HaMazon, the blessing after the meal and at a wedding this includes a repetition of the seven wedding blessings, and another opportunity to honor seven guests by having them each recite one of these blessings. During the wedding ceremony, the first blessing is the blessing over the wine. During Birkat HaMazon, the wine blessing is done last and the second blessing is recited first.
Traditionally, the bride and groom do not leave on their honeymoon after the wedding reception. The wedding festivities go on for a week. There is another Seudah Mitzvah each evening with a chance to honor seven more guests with the seven wedding blessings. At each of these meals, it is a great mitzvah to bring additional joy to the bride and groom.
Next week: Brit Milah
September 13, 2004 - Number 5764-38
Wedding 7 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part IV: After the Ceremony
I mentioned three weeks ago that there are three ways a person gets married under Jewish Law; by contract, by money and by sexual relations for the purpose of marriage. All three have been made a part of the Jewish wedding ceremony. We have seen that the contract is fulfilled by the writing and signing of the Ketubah and when the groom hands this document to the bride under the huppah in front of proper witnesses and she accepts it from his hand. The money part of the wedding is when the groom hands the bride a ring and recites the marriage formula in front of proper witnesses. After the wedding ceremony is concluded, the bride and groom leave the room where the wedding takes place, leading the recessional of those in the wedding party. They go directly to a room where they can be alone and two witnesses are assigned to guard the door so that they will not be disturbed. This originally was when the marriage was consummated.
Today, in almost all cases, this time alone, called in Hebrew, "Yichud" meaning, "Alone,"is just symbolic time together. Since a wedding day is considered to be a mini Yom Kippur, many brides and grooms are fasting that day, and this time is when they break their fast. The food is placed in the room before they get there and they have some time together to break their fast. By Jewish Law, an unmarried man and an unmarried woman should not be alone together so this time is their first "official" time together as husband and wife. Since a modern wedding is a rather overwhelming and hectic day, this time alone allows the couple to pause and remember why they decided to get married in the first place. Even if the couple are ready to enjoy their wedding reception, they should still spend this time alone. Let the rest of the family and wedding party do the receiving line duty. The bride and groom require this time alone. A minimum of ten minutes is fine, it can be 20-30 minutes depending on if they need to eat. This is not time to check makeup, hair or fix the wedding dress. It is alone time, just the two of them, and everyone else who needs them, even the photographer, will have to settle for a picture of the two guards at the door. One last point of Jewish law: "Everyone knows why a bride and groom enter the room for Yihud, but it is not proper/polite to speak about it." This applies to others at the reception or to make jokes about it to the bride and groom. It is a major act of impropriety to have this as a topic of discussion, or the punch line of some ribald humor.
The final part of the wedding is the reception. The wedding reception is called a "seudah mitzvah" a "meal in celebration of a mitzvah." this makes it an integral part of the wedding. It is a great mitzvah to celebrate with a bride and groom on their wedding day. It is a bigger mitzvah to do something to increase their joy. This could be as simple as bringing a gift, or performing a dance, or skit or just having a good time in honor of the couple. Because the meal is part of the mitzvah, one should keep the festivities in good taste. Judaism sees food as holy so turning the sharing of the wedding cake into smearing the frosting on the bride and groom is not appropriate. While the bride throwing the flowers is OK, the garter/groom event is in poor taste. Toasting the bride and groom should be a sign of honor, not the occasion for blue humor. The Wedding feast should end with the Birkat HaMazon, the blessing after the meal and at a wedding this includes a repetition of the seven wedding blessings, and another opportunity to honor seven guests by having them each recite one of these blessings. During the wedding ceremony, the first blessing is the blessing over the wine. During Birkat HaMazon, the wine blessing is done last and the second blessing is recited first.
Traditionally, the bride and groom do not leave on their honeymoon after the wedding reception. The wedding festivities go on for a week. There is another Seudah Mitzvah each evening with a chance to honor seven more guests with the seven wedding blessings. At each of these meals, it is a great mitzvah to bring additional joy to the bride and groom.
Next week: Brit Milah
Monday, September 6, 2004
HMS 5764-37 Wedding 6 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part III
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
September 6, 2004 - Number 5764-37
Wedding 6 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part III
Following the reading of the Ketubah, and the bride accepting it from the hand of the groom, the next section of the wedding service is the "Sheva Berachot" the seven wedding blessings. The blessings are arranged according to the order of their length, each one longer and more important that the one before. Since there is a blessing for everything in Judaism, it is no surprise that there is a blessing for getting married, but marriage is such an important ritual in Judaism. It is considered to be the most joyful day in a person’s life. It is considered to be one of the most joyful events in the life of the community, that one blessing doesn’t seem to be enough, for that matter even two blessings would not be enough. This is why there are no less than seven blessings in honor of the bride and groom.
The first blessing is over the second cup of wine. The first cup was used in the Arusin blessing at the beginning of the service. Now the cup is refilled (or some wine is added to what remains in the cup) and the cup will be held by the one reciting the blessing. In many weddings the Rabbi or Cantor who are officiating hold the cup while all seven blessings are recited. In some places, each of the seven blessings are assigned as a honor to guests at the wedding. It is a big honor to be asked to recite one of the Sheva Berachot. The cup is passed from hand to hand as each honoree recites the assigned blessing. At the end the cup is returned to the Rabbi or Cantor who then gives it to the bride and groom to drink. They are the only two who will drink from this cup of wine.
The other six blessings are a mixture of individual and communal reasons to celebrate. The second blessing refers to the ceremony being for the glory of G-d. The third blessing thanks G-d as the creator of humanity. The fourth blessing thanks G-d for creating both men and women in the divine image. The fifth blessing is a hope for the gathering of exiles in Jerusalem. The sixth blessing compares this wedding to the first wedding, of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden where G-d officiated. The final blessing, which includes passages from the book of the prophet Jeremiah, combines the joy of marriage to the rejoicing of those who have returned to Jerusalem with great feasting and singing.
After the last blessing, the bride and groom drink the wine (or kosher grape juice). Now the officiant will offer a small D’var Torah to the couple. There is no real reason that this needs to be long. There are times when there are several Rabbis or officiants who wish to speak and the speeches can drag on a bit, but the topic is usually some advice on love and marriage to the couple based on the lives to the couple, on the Parsha of the week or on some other Rabbinic text. It is not in lieu of pre-marital counseling which should be done at a meeting prior to the ceremony.
Many Rabbis will conclude their remarks with a blessing for the couple. This often is in the form of the Birkat Kohanim, the three part blessing that is mentioned in the Torah.
At this point the Rabbi will explain what the breaking of the glass is all about. The origin of breaking a glass comes from a story in the Talmud where a bunch of Rabbis were invited to a wedding celebration and the celebration was so lavish and so joyful that they wanted to bring a bit of seriousness to the wedding. They felt that there was so much rejoicing that no one was paying any attention to the serious nature of what a wedding is all about. They took some of the expensive dishes and smashed them to the ground. Immediately everyone was quiet and concerned. The custom stuck.
Today, we set aside a glass to be broken at every wedding. To remind the bride and groom for a moment of the serious nature of the relationship they are entering into. To remind them that life is not all party and rejoicing. And to remember the destruction of Jerusalem and exile of our people. At that time the exiles believed that there would never be another reason to be happy. But they were wrong, we have found a reason to rejoice and so we pause to reflect on the serious for a moment.
The glass itself can be anything made of glass. A simple light bulb, is often used not only because it is glass but because it makes a good "pop" when broken. There are some who sew a glass goblet into a silk bag so that the pieces can be saved with other mementos of the wedding or they can be placed inside some lucite trophy as a lasting memory of the wedding. While these are nice gifts for the bride and groom, the simple light bulb, wrapped in a cloth napkin, is all that is required. After the glass is broken, the guests cry out "Mazal Tov", the bride and groom kiss but the ceremony is not over quite yet.
Next week: Wedding 7: The Wedding Ceremony-Part IV - After the Ceremony
September 6, 2004 - Number 5764-37
Wedding 6 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part III
Following the reading of the Ketubah, and the bride accepting it from the hand of the groom, the next section of the wedding service is the "Sheva Berachot" the seven wedding blessings. The blessings are arranged according to the order of their length, each one longer and more important that the one before. Since there is a blessing for everything in Judaism, it is no surprise that there is a blessing for getting married, but marriage is such an important ritual in Judaism. It is considered to be the most joyful day in a person’s life. It is considered to be one of the most joyful events in the life of the community, that one blessing doesn’t seem to be enough, for that matter even two blessings would not be enough. This is why there are no less than seven blessings in honor of the bride and groom.
The first blessing is over the second cup of wine. The first cup was used in the Arusin blessing at the beginning of the service. Now the cup is refilled (or some wine is added to what remains in the cup) and the cup will be held by the one reciting the blessing. In many weddings the Rabbi or Cantor who are officiating hold the cup while all seven blessings are recited. In some places, each of the seven blessings are assigned as a honor to guests at the wedding. It is a big honor to be asked to recite one of the Sheva Berachot. The cup is passed from hand to hand as each honoree recites the assigned blessing. At the end the cup is returned to the Rabbi or Cantor who then gives it to the bride and groom to drink. They are the only two who will drink from this cup of wine.
The other six blessings are a mixture of individual and communal reasons to celebrate. The second blessing refers to the ceremony being for the glory of G-d. The third blessing thanks G-d as the creator of humanity. The fourth blessing thanks G-d for creating both men and women in the divine image. The fifth blessing is a hope for the gathering of exiles in Jerusalem. The sixth blessing compares this wedding to the first wedding, of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden where G-d officiated. The final blessing, which includes passages from the book of the prophet Jeremiah, combines the joy of marriage to the rejoicing of those who have returned to Jerusalem with great feasting and singing.
After the last blessing, the bride and groom drink the wine (or kosher grape juice). Now the officiant will offer a small D’var Torah to the couple. There is no real reason that this needs to be long. There are times when there are several Rabbis or officiants who wish to speak and the speeches can drag on a bit, but the topic is usually some advice on love and marriage to the couple based on the lives to the couple, on the Parsha of the week or on some other Rabbinic text. It is not in lieu of pre-marital counseling which should be done at a meeting prior to the ceremony.
Many Rabbis will conclude their remarks with a blessing for the couple. This often is in the form of the Birkat Kohanim, the three part blessing that is mentioned in the Torah.
At this point the Rabbi will explain what the breaking of the glass is all about. The origin of breaking a glass comes from a story in the Talmud where a bunch of Rabbis were invited to a wedding celebration and the celebration was so lavish and so joyful that they wanted to bring a bit of seriousness to the wedding. They felt that there was so much rejoicing that no one was paying any attention to the serious nature of what a wedding is all about. They took some of the expensive dishes and smashed them to the ground. Immediately everyone was quiet and concerned. The custom stuck.
Today, we set aside a glass to be broken at every wedding. To remind the bride and groom for a moment of the serious nature of the relationship they are entering into. To remind them that life is not all party and rejoicing. And to remember the destruction of Jerusalem and exile of our people. At that time the exiles believed that there would never be another reason to be happy. But they were wrong, we have found a reason to rejoice and so we pause to reflect on the serious for a moment.
The glass itself can be anything made of glass. A simple light bulb, is often used not only because it is glass but because it makes a good "pop" when broken. There are some who sew a glass goblet into a silk bag so that the pieces can be saved with other mementos of the wedding or they can be placed inside some lucite trophy as a lasting memory of the wedding. While these are nice gifts for the bride and groom, the simple light bulb, wrapped in a cloth napkin, is all that is required. After the glass is broken, the guests cry out "Mazal Tov", the bride and groom kiss but the ceremony is not over quite yet.
Next week: Wedding 7: The Wedding Ceremony-Part IV - After the Ceremony
Monday, August 30, 2004
HMS5764-36; Wedding 5 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part II
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
August 30, 2004 - Number 5764-36
Wedding 5 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part II
We are now ready for the part of the service called Nisuin, the actual wedding itself. As I mentioned last week in #5764-35, There are three ways that the Sages said a person can become married. As part of this ceremony, we will see all three.
First, and article of value will be exchanged. This is usually the ring. Remember that it must have the minimum value of the smallest coin, it must have a value that is easy to ascertain, (without holes in the band and without stones set in the band) and it must belong to the groom). Since this is the first way a person gets married, it is also the one that, for all intents and purposes, is the way Jews get married. The groom places the ring on the index finger of the right hand of the bride so all can see that he has placed it there (she can move it to another finger later, right now it just has to go over the first knuckle). The groom makes a formal declaration to the bride, in Hebrew and in English. "With this ring you are sanctified to me as my wife in accordance with the law of Moses and the People Israel." Whenever a man gives an item of value to a woman and recites this passage in front of two kosher witnesses, that man and woman are married. This is not a passage to play around with. Any man of legal age (that is over age 13 in Jewish Law) is married when he recites this line, even if it is in rehearsal or as an educational enactment. We do not fool around with this because it will require a Jewish Divorce before either party can remarry. It may effect who they can marry later too. We do not play around with this part of the ceremony.
If the bride will be presenting a ring to the groom, she will present it now. There are some who do not permit double ring ceremonies, there is a claim that it nullifies the presentation of the groom. I and many other rabbis do not hold by this but you should check with the Rabbi who is doing the ceremony to insure that there will not be a problem. Some Rabbis, in an effort to be equal, will have the bride recite the female equivalent of the passage recited by the groom. Others will have her recite a verse from some other part of the Bible. The verse from Shir HaShirim, The Song of Songs, that reads, "I am to my beloved as my beloved is to me." is a popular verse for the bride to recite. Jewish Weddings do not have "vows" in the usual sense of the word. The Ketubah spells out the obligations that each party has agreed to so "vows" are unnecessary. Vows can be added, and if they are, they are added before the ring ceremony. The couple can write their own vows or the Rabbi can pronounce them. There is not reason that they should not be egalitarian in nature.
The next step is the reading of the Ketubah. This is the "Shtar" portion of the service. The Wedding Contract is read, first in its original Aramaic, and then the English is read. Since the Aramaic reads like an insurance policy, the English often takes a great deal of poetic license, adding the flowery language that a wedding deserves. After the Rabbi reads the Ketubah and certain that it has been witnessed properly, the Rabbi hands the Ketubah to the groom who then hands it to his bride. Just as with the rings, all she needs to do is accept it from his hand and not reject it and it effects the marriage.
The bride must keep the Ketubah in her home as long as they are married. It is the contract of their marriage. Often a couple will frame it and place it on the wall of their home. Some will make a copy to be placed in their safe deposit box. The original should remain in the home. Without a Ketubah, the Rabbis say a couple can not live together, so this is a rather important document to have around. Since the Ketubah grants rights to the bride, the contract is considered her property.
Next week: Wedding 6: The Wedding Ceremony-Part III - The Sheva Berachot
August 30, 2004 - Number 5764-36
Wedding 5 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part II
We are now ready for the part of the service called Nisuin, the actual wedding itself. As I mentioned last week in #5764-35, There are three ways that the Sages said a person can become married. As part of this ceremony, we will see all three.
First, and article of value will be exchanged. This is usually the ring. Remember that it must have the minimum value of the smallest coin, it must have a value that is easy to ascertain, (without holes in the band and without stones set in the band) and it must belong to the groom). Since this is the first way a person gets married, it is also the one that, for all intents and purposes, is the way Jews get married. The groom places the ring on the index finger of the right hand of the bride so all can see that he has placed it there (she can move it to another finger later, right now it just has to go over the first knuckle). The groom makes a formal declaration to the bride, in Hebrew and in English. "With this ring you are sanctified to me as my wife in accordance with the law of Moses and the People Israel." Whenever a man gives an item of value to a woman and recites this passage in front of two kosher witnesses, that man and woman are married. This is not a passage to play around with. Any man of legal age (that is over age 13 in Jewish Law) is married when he recites this line, even if it is in rehearsal or as an educational enactment. We do not fool around with this because it will require a Jewish Divorce before either party can remarry. It may effect who they can marry later too. We do not play around with this part of the ceremony.
If the bride will be presenting a ring to the groom, she will present it now. There are some who do not permit double ring ceremonies, there is a claim that it nullifies the presentation of the groom. I and many other rabbis do not hold by this but you should check with the Rabbi who is doing the ceremony to insure that there will not be a problem. Some Rabbis, in an effort to be equal, will have the bride recite the female equivalent of the passage recited by the groom. Others will have her recite a verse from some other part of the Bible. The verse from Shir HaShirim, The Song of Songs, that reads, "I am to my beloved as my beloved is to me." is a popular verse for the bride to recite. Jewish Weddings do not have "vows" in the usual sense of the word. The Ketubah spells out the obligations that each party has agreed to so "vows" are unnecessary. Vows can be added, and if they are, they are added before the ring ceremony. The couple can write their own vows or the Rabbi can pronounce them. There is not reason that they should not be egalitarian in nature.
The next step is the reading of the Ketubah. This is the "Shtar" portion of the service. The Wedding Contract is read, first in its original Aramaic, and then the English is read. Since the Aramaic reads like an insurance policy, the English often takes a great deal of poetic license, adding the flowery language that a wedding deserves. After the Rabbi reads the Ketubah and certain that it has been witnessed properly, the Rabbi hands the Ketubah to the groom who then hands it to his bride. Just as with the rings, all she needs to do is accept it from his hand and not reject it and it effects the marriage.
The bride must keep the Ketubah in her home as long as they are married. It is the contract of their marriage. Often a couple will frame it and place it on the wall of their home. Some will make a copy to be placed in their safe deposit box. The original should remain in the home. Without a Ketubah, the Rabbis say a couple can not live together, so this is a rather important document to have around. Since the Ketubah grants rights to the bride, the contract is considered her property.
Next week: Wedding 6: The Wedding Ceremony-Part III - The Sheva Berachot
Monday, August 23, 2004
HMS 5764-35; Wedding 4 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part I
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
August 23, 2004- Number 5764-35
Wedding 4 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part I
Prior to the wedding ceremony, the couple, the Rabbi and two witnesses gather together to begin the formal preparations for the wedding. Judaism does not hold by the superstition that a groom should not see the bride until she walks down the aisle. In some places, there are special celebrations for the bride and groom, with the women attending the celebration for the bride and the men attending the celebration for the groom. The two celebrations then come together for the formal signing of the ketubah. In ancient times, contracts were not signed by the parties to the contract, but by witnesses who affirmed that the two people had indeed entered into an agreement. It is therefore not necessary for the bride and groom to sign the Ketubah, but there must be two witnesses who are not related to either party who must sign for the Ketubah to be valid. In the United States, the civil marriage licence is signed at this time as well. The groom then is given a handkerchief by the Rabbi signifying his acceptance of the terms of the Ketubah. The Bride will signal her acceptance later.
The rings that will be used for the ceremony will then be examined to insure that they are proper for the wedding. The rings used for the ceremony must have three qualifications. It must have a minimum value. It must be worth at least the amount of the smallest coin in use. By size, this means it must be worth a dime! Second, it must have a value that is easy to ascertain. It must be of a metal that is valued by weight (gold or platinum are common) and can have no stones set in it ( because a gem must be valued by an appraiser and thus the value is not easy to ascertain) or any holes in the band (lest it look like a big ring but it is really mostly air). Third, the ring must belong to the groom. He can not give the bride a ring that belongs to someone else. If the couple want to use a ring that has significance to the family ( a family heirloom) it must be sold to the groom prior to the wedding. It can not be given as a gift. A gift, in Judaism can be returned upon the request of the benefactor, but an item sold is not subject to this kind of return.
The groom then places the veil on his bride. It is the custom that this be done by the groom since the days of Jacob and Lavan, in the Torah. Lavan, Jacob’s father-in-law to be, was supposed to let Jacob marry Rachel, but he swapped Rachel for her sister Leah and because of the veil, Jacob did not discover the switch until morning. Since that time the groom puts the veil on his bride to make sure he is marrying the right sister! It is not time for the wedding ceremony and the bride and groom go to the huppah with much singing and celebration.
In the United States, there is a formal wedding procession but this is not the Jewish practice. In most places the entire wedding party accompanies both the bride and groom to the huppah. The Huppah is a small covered "tent like" structure that symbolizes the home that is being founded this day. When a wedding is held outside, it marks off the location of the wedding from the surrounding area. It can be made of most any material and can be held up by friends or be free standing. It can be set up almost anywhere except a few places where one wouldn’t want to be married anyway (bathroom, cemetery. etc.) There is a custom that the groom wear a "kittel" a white garment that reminds us of Yom Kippur. Often the Groom will also wear a tallit. It is the groom who escorts his bride under the Huppah so if the parents of the groom wish to walk the bride to the Huppah, they meet the groom on the way and so she leaves her parents and accompanies the groom to the Huppah.
I have found no legal basis for the bride or groom to circle the other prior to the ceremony. The reasons that are given are custom and there is little agreement as to why this custom is done. I can only assume that this is a remnant of an old superstition relating to magic circles. There is thus no reason for the circling. Most of the reasons given today are misogynist in extreme. While it is not forbidden, I don’t encourage it.
The bride and groom, once they arrive under the Huppah are welcomed with the standard greeting for all such happy occasions (like a brit milah or pidyon haben) with "Baruch HaBah - Blessed are you who have come." If the wedding is taking place in a synagogue, we add, "We bless you from this House of G-d" the Rabbi takes the first cup of wine and pronounces the blessing of Arusin, the formal engagement blessing. We talked about Arusin last week (#5764-34) and we mentioned that once this blessing was done a year in advance of the wedding but now it is part of the wedding service. After the blessing, the bride and groom drink the first cup of wine. (The wine must be Kosher and it must be grape wine lest the blessings be in vain. It does not matter if the wine is sweet or dry, white or rose or red)
Next week: Wedding 5: The Wedding Ceremony-Part II
August 23, 2004- Number 5764-35
Wedding 4 - The Wedding Ceremony- Part I
Prior to the wedding ceremony, the couple, the Rabbi and two witnesses gather together to begin the formal preparations for the wedding. Judaism does not hold by the superstition that a groom should not see the bride until she walks down the aisle. In some places, there are special celebrations for the bride and groom, with the women attending the celebration for the bride and the men attending the celebration for the groom. The two celebrations then come together for the formal signing of the ketubah. In ancient times, contracts were not signed by the parties to the contract, but by witnesses who affirmed that the two people had indeed entered into an agreement. It is therefore not necessary for the bride and groom to sign the Ketubah, but there must be two witnesses who are not related to either party who must sign for the Ketubah to be valid. In the United States, the civil marriage licence is signed at this time as well. The groom then is given a handkerchief by the Rabbi signifying his acceptance of the terms of the Ketubah. The Bride will signal her acceptance later.
The rings that will be used for the ceremony will then be examined to insure that they are proper for the wedding. The rings used for the ceremony must have three qualifications. It must have a minimum value. It must be worth at least the amount of the smallest coin in use. By size, this means it must be worth a dime! Second, it must have a value that is easy to ascertain. It must be of a metal that is valued by weight (gold or platinum are common) and can have no stones set in it ( because a gem must be valued by an appraiser and thus the value is not easy to ascertain) or any holes in the band (lest it look like a big ring but it is really mostly air). Third, the ring must belong to the groom. He can not give the bride a ring that belongs to someone else. If the couple want to use a ring that has significance to the family ( a family heirloom) it must be sold to the groom prior to the wedding. It can not be given as a gift. A gift, in Judaism can be returned upon the request of the benefactor, but an item sold is not subject to this kind of return.
The groom then places the veil on his bride. It is the custom that this be done by the groom since the days of Jacob and Lavan, in the Torah. Lavan, Jacob’s father-in-law to be, was supposed to let Jacob marry Rachel, but he swapped Rachel for her sister Leah and because of the veil, Jacob did not discover the switch until morning. Since that time the groom puts the veil on his bride to make sure he is marrying the right sister! It is not time for the wedding ceremony and the bride and groom go to the huppah with much singing and celebration.
In the United States, there is a formal wedding procession but this is not the Jewish practice. In most places the entire wedding party accompanies both the bride and groom to the huppah. The Huppah is a small covered "tent like" structure that symbolizes the home that is being founded this day. When a wedding is held outside, it marks off the location of the wedding from the surrounding area. It can be made of most any material and can be held up by friends or be free standing. It can be set up almost anywhere except a few places where one wouldn’t want to be married anyway (bathroom, cemetery. etc.) There is a custom that the groom wear a "kittel" a white garment that reminds us of Yom Kippur. Often the Groom will also wear a tallit. It is the groom who escorts his bride under the Huppah so if the parents of the groom wish to walk the bride to the Huppah, they meet the groom on the way and so she leaves her parents and accompanies the groom to the Huppah.
I have found no legal basis for the bride or groom to circle the other prior to the ceremony. The reasons that are given are custom and there is little agreement as to why this custom is done. I can only assume that this is a remnant of an old superstition relating to magic circles. There is thus no reason for the circling. Most of the reasons given today are misogynist in extreme. While it is not forbidden, I don’t encourage it.
The bride and groom, once they arrive under the Huppah are welcomed with the standard greeting for all such happy occasions (like a brit milah or pidyon haben) with "Baruch HaBah - Blessed are you who have come." If the wedding is taking place in a synagogue, we add, "We bless you from this House of G-d" the Rabbi takes the first cup of wine and pronounces the blessing of Arusin, the formal engagement blessing. We talked about Arusin last week (#5764-34) and we mentioned that once this blessing was done a year in advance of the wedding but now it is part of the wedding service. After the blessing, the bride and groom drink the first cup of wine. (The wine must be Kosher and it must be grape wine lest the blessings be in vain. It does not matter if the wine is sweet or dry, white or rose or red)
Next week: Wedding 5: The Wedding Ceremony-Part II
Monday, August 16, 2004
HMS 5764-34; Wedding 3 - The Ketubah
Lessons in Memory of my brother Dale Alan Konigsburg
August 16, 2004 - Number 5764-34
Wedding 3 - The Ketubah
Since Weddings are not part of the Torah, the Talmud picks up where the Torah is silent. According to the Rabbis of the Talmud, a man "acquires" a wife in one of three ways: With "Kesef", By "Shtar" or with "Bi-ah". The term "Kesef" means "money". By giving a woman a gift that has a value, the man and woman are married. Today this is accomplished when the man gives the woman a ring.
"Shtar" means "contract" a man and woman are married when a man hands the woman a contract that provides some monetary security. Today, this contract is called a "Ketubah".
"Bi-ah" refers to sexual intimacy. When a man and woman initiate a sexual relationship with marriage in mind, and two witnesses see them go into a room and spend time there alone. This also constitutes a marriage. The Sages admitted that this was a legal marriage, but they promised to flog any man who would take a wife this way. It was undignified for both parties and left the woman unprotected if the man wanted a divorce.
The origin of the Ketubah is in a simple financial arrangement. The price a man had to pay his future father-in-law became so high that the Rabbis were concerned that men would no longer marry. To relive this situation, the Sages ruled that the man could issue a "promissary note" for the amount of money (in ancient days, it was 200 zuzim, a great sum of money since you only need 2 zuzim for one goat) the man promised to pay the 200 zuzim if he were to predecease his wife or if he were to divorce her. This money represented a first mortgage on all his property and was actually paid in land. It was the first claim on his estate after he had died and secured the position of the widow so she would not fall into poverty.
Today we are used to seeing the Ketubah as a work of art, often commissioned especially for the wedding. We hear all kinds of beautiful language read at the wedding, but what we hear at a wedding in English has little relationship to the Aramaic text of the Ketubah. Since ancient days, the wording of the Ketubah reads, literally, like an insurance policy, because that is what it, in effect, really is. It is not romantic at all, rather is spells out the financial relationship between the husband and wife. At the wedding he signs the document and it is witnessed by two who are unrelated to either the bride or the groom, and then the groom hands the document to the bride under the Huppah. When she accepts it from his hand, they have been married according to the second definition of a wedding as described above.
While there is a custom in the Western Hemisphere, for the groom not to see the bride before the wedding, this is really just an old superstition. In a Jewish wedding the groom must see the bride before the wedding and usually it is right after the Ketubah is signed. Today, the Ketubah is signed by both the bride and the groom.
In the middle of the last century, the Conservative Movement added a clause to the Ketubah to help ease the plight of those who were stuck in a marriage when their partner refused to grant them a divorce. Sometimes there would be cases of extortion and pure greed that prevented a couple from ending a bad marriage. Without a proper Jewish Divorce, neither party could ever remarry. This clause in the Ketubah, called the "Liberman clause" after Rabbi Saul Liberman, a great Talmudic authority at the Jewish Theological Seminary in New York. It had both bride and groom promise to arbitrate and disputes in their marriage before a Rabbinical court and abide by its decision. It’s use has waned in recent years because of other remedies for divorce that have become popular that don’t cause one to think about divorce on the wedding day.
While the standard amount of a Ketubah is still 200 zuzim (today it is only a symbolic amount. A zuz no longer buys what it used to.) The Sephardim often put large sums of real money into their Ketubot as a sign of the love and affection for the bride. Conservative Judaism has not adopted this practice as it only complicates things should the relationship ever end up in divorce. It may seem strange that much of the wedding rituals also relate to divorce rituals as well, but the Rabbis did not create a wedding without creating a way out of marriage. Divorce is possible by Torah Law, and the Sages had to establish those rituals as well. They saw Divorce as "undoing" a marriage. So the two rituals are closely related. The Ketubah, the document of marriage, is nullified only by the Get, the Jewish document of divorce.
Next week: Wedding 4: The Wedding Ceremony
August 16, 2004 - Number 5764-34
Wedding 3 - The Ketubah
Since Weddings are not part of the Torah, the Talmud picks up where the Torah is silent. According to the Rabbis of the Talmud, a man "acquires" a wife in one of three ways: With "Kesef", By "Shtar" or with "Bi-ah". The term "Kesef" means "money". By giving a woman a gift that has a value, the man and woman are married. Today this is accomplished when the man gives the woman a ring.
"Shtar" means "contract" a man and woman are married when a man hands the woman a contract that provides some monetary security. Today, this contract is called a "Ketubah".
"Bi-ah" refers to sexual intimacy. When a man and woman initiate a sexual relationship with marriage in mind, and two witnesses see them go into a room and spend time there alone. This also constitutes a marriage. The Sages admitted that this was a legal marriage, but they promised to flog any man who would take a wife this way. It was undignified for both parties and left the woman unprotected if the man wanted a divorce.
The origin of the Ketubah is in a simple financial arrangement. The price a man had to pay his future father-in-law became so high that the Rabbis were concerned that men would no longer marry. To relive this situation, the Sages ruled that the man could issue a "promissary note" for the amount of money (in ancient days, it was 200 zuzim, a great sum of money since you only need 2 zuzim for one goat) the man promised to pay the 200 zuzim if he were to predecease his wife or if he were to divorce her. This money represented a first mortgage on all his property and was actually paid in land. It was the first claim on his estate after he had died and secured the position of the widow so she would not fall into poverty.
Today we are used to seeing the Ketubah as a work of art, often commissioned especially for the wedding. We hear all kinds of beautiful language read at the wedding, but what we hear at a wedding in English has little relationship to the Aramaic text of the Ketubah. Since ancient days, the wording of the Ketubah reads, literally, like an insurance policy, because that is what it, in effect, really is. It is not romantic at all, rather is spells out the financial relationship between the husband and wife. At the wedding he signs the document and it is witnessed by two who are unrelated to either the bride or the groom, and then the groom hands the document to the bride under the Huppah. When she accepts it from his hand, they have been married according to the second definition of a wedding as described above.
While there is a custom in the Western Hemisphere, for the groom not to see the bride before the wedding, this is really just an old superstition. In a Jewish wedding the groom must see the bride before the wedding and usually it is right after the Ketubah is signed. Today, the Ketubah is signed by both the bride and the groom.
In the middle of the last century, the Conservative Movement added a clause to the Ketubah to help ease the plight of those who were stuck in a marriage when their partner refused to grant them a divorce. Sometimes there would be cases of extortion and pure greed that prevented a couple from ending a bad marriage. Without a proper Jewish Divorce, neither party could ever remarry. This clause in the Ketubah, called the "Liberman clause" after Rabbi Saul Liberman, a great Talmudic authority at the Jewish Theological Seminary in New York. It had both bride and groom promise to arbitrate and disputes in their marriage before a Rabbinical court and abide by its decision. It’s use has waned in recent years because of other remedies for divorce that have become popular that don’t cause one to think about divorce on the wedding day.
While the standard amount of a Ketubah is still 200 zuzim (today it is only a symbolic amount. A zuz no longer buys what it used to.) The Sephardim often put large sums of real money into their Ketubot as a sign of the love and affection for the bride. Conservative Judaism has not adopted this practice as it only complicates things should the relationship ever end up in divorce. It may seem strange that much of the wedding rituals also relate to divorce rituals as well, but the Rabbis did not create a wedding without creating a way out of marriage. Divorce is possible by Torah Law, and the Sages had to establish those rituals as well. They saw Divorce as "undoing" a marriage. So the two rituals are closely related. The Ketubah, the document of marriage, is nullified only by the Get, the Jewish document of divorce.
Next week: Wedding 4: The Wedding Ceremony
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